03-02-2020, 02:11 AM
she fell for the idea of him
and ideas were a dangerous thing to love
and ideas were a dangerous thing to love
She should know better by now, but of course she doesn’t.
She should have learned to keep everything inside the same way she always has, should have known by now that nothing good ever comes of revealing anything sincere. He is barbed wire to anything soft she tries to show him, and he cuts her before she has the chance to retreat back inside of herself. She steps further back from him, as if putting space between them, no matter how minimal, might somehow be a balm to the fresh wounds he inflicts. “I had the same amount of years as you,” and she wishes, just for a moment, that she could sound sharp. Wishes that she could be ruthless, wishes that she could lay before him all the ways that he is wrong, too.
Because why – why would she ever think there was an open door. Why would she think that someone who so blatantly used her for sex – more so than anyone else ever has – would ever be someone that she should have been trying to create something more with. Yet, even with all her guards up and all her walls standing tall, she had still let a part of herself fall for him. “I didn’t do anything wrong. I have done exactly what you asked of me, which is the same thing everyone else asks of me.” There is a choking sound in her throat, a strange mix of a laugh and a knot of tears when she shakes her head and says, “Carnage puts more effort into sleeping with me than you ever have. So don’t act like everything should have been obvious to me.”
She looks away from him as his own sentence trails off, swallowing away whatever else she might say. Her body trembles with heat and adrenaline, because it was so unlike her to defend herself in any capacity. When the rocks that blocked them in began to crumble and quake she tucks her neck over top of Noel, pulling the filly close to her chest, until light floods the darkness and the dust settles. She isn’t surprised when Ashhal immediately leaves, but it does nothing to keep the blade from driving deeper between her ribs. With Noel at her side she steps out into the light, wiping the hurt from her face when she looks at Heartfire, forcing a smile as she says softly to her friend, “Thank you.”
She should have learned to keep everything inside the same way she always has, should have known by now that nothing good ever comes of revealing anything sincere. He is barbed wire to anything soft she tries to show him, and he cuts her before she has the chance to retreat back inside of herself. She steps further back from him, as if putting space between them, no matter how minimal, might somehow be a balm to the fresh wounds he inflicts. “I had the same amount of years as you,” and she wishes, just for a moment, that she could sound sharp. Wishes that she could be ruthless, wishes that she could lay before him all the ways that he is wrong, too.
Because why – why would she ever think there was an open door. Why would she think that someone who so blatantly used her for sex – more so than anyone else ever has – would ever be someone that she should have been trying to create something more with. Yet, even with all her guards up and all her walls standing tall, she had still let a part of herself fall for him. “I didn’t do anything wrong. I have done exactly what you asked of me, which is the same thing everyone else asks of me.” There is a choking sound in her throat, a strange mix of a laugh and a knot of tears when she shakes her head and says, “Carnage puts more effort into sleeping with me than you ever have. So don’t act like everything should have been obvious to me.”
She looks away from him as his own sentence trails off, swallowing away whatever else she might say. Her body trembles with heat and adrenaline, because it was so unlike her to defend herself in any capacity. When the rocks that blocked them in began to crumble and quake she tucks her neck over top of Noel, pulling the filly close to her chest, until light floods the darkness and the dust settles. She isn’t surprised when Ashhal immediately leaves, but it does nothing to keep the blade from driving deeper between her ribs. With Noel at her side she steps out into the light, wiping the hurt from her face when she looks at Heartfire, forcing a smile as she says softly to her friend, “Thank you.”
ryatah