we'll never get free, lamb to the slaughter
She can’t stay away.
Despite the fact that her hooves are like anchors, weighing and wearing her down at each step, she comes back. Despite the fact that there is nothing left for her here – no one left for her – she forces herself to take that final step back again into the familiar. She lets herself be swallowed up by the forest that had been her sanctuary, for a time. And though it feels more like a violent collision than a soft landing, she eventually moves deeper into the open air beyond.
Almost immediately, there is that same troubling tightness in her chest. She feels the weight of her secret press heavily against her heart, daring her to acknowledge its’ persistent presence. But Titanya is loath to look inward, especially these days. She’s a creature of action, of doing without thinking and jumping in blind. The fact that she shouldn’t be here is never lost on her. Her return is stupid and selfish. The time bomb that ticks away between her ribs pushes everyone closer and faster towards destruction.
But she can’t stay away.
She is uncharacteristically quiet as she moves deeper into the meadow. She picks at the grass as she goes, mindlessly, a means to an end to search the eyes of those around her. They are not filled with dread and disease, she finds, as they had been just before she departed Beqanna. They are not hungry: for sustenance, for companionship, or for war, even. Everyone she sees seems rather content, lackadaisical, foolish. They will not be ready for the next ball to drop, will be wildly unprepared when the next catastrophe rises over the sunrise lands. It seems she’s come back in the midst of another lull.
More’s the pity.
The mottled mare will have to find other ways to keep herself entertained. She drops the pretense of grazing and sidles up next to someone else without an apparent appetite. Their head has been raised long enough to assume a free meal is not their intention for visiting the meadow today. “Hello,” she says, her voice low and crackling with unused. Her amber eyes are bright as she takes in the other’s face. She makes herself forget that she shouldn’t be here. For now, in this moment, she feels like she is where she should be. There is unfinished business here she can’t wait to get started on.
what you gon' do when there's blood in the water?
ooc: any and all! she miiight follow someone home