cold in the violence after the war
hope is a fire to keep us warm
She clings too. She clings because it’s easier to believe things might be ok in the comforting embrace of a friend. Though acutely aware of how uncomfortable her own body is to others, she still clings. Perhaps it may not be a physical manifestation, but it is there nonetheless. In the way she tries to smile through her sadness, in the way she teases through the memories, and in the way she so freely shares all the warmth she has to give.
There is a brief moment of doubt in the wake of Lilli’s determinedly wistful words. Do I? The words nearly escape her lips, but she catches them before they can. She doesn’t know what she deserves, but she’s not certain it is as much as Lilli so stubbornly believes. She had never been anything great or special. She had never done anything that deserved such high praise or compliments.
Her life has been little more than an endless stretch of her doing exactly as she pleased in between bemoaning the state of her existence. And, after all that, did she truly deserve more?
No, she thinks. Probably not.
But she does not say it out loud, because that would make things far too real. Much more real than she is prepared to handle.
Instead she laughs, Lilli’s teasing words loosing the amusement even as she tries to forget the darkness of her own thoughts. “I’m glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t know anything,” she quips, eyes crinkling as her lips stretch into a too easy grin. “But at least we’re stuck here together. If it had to be someone, I’m glad it’s you.”
Her next question stills the grin on her face, and after a moment, it slips, replaced by confusion. Brows furrowing, she glances uncertainly at Lilli as she tries to decipher the meaning of that question. “I…” Had she brought those visions to life? She hadn’t seen them. But then, her parents had both thought her mad when she made mention of Lio in her youth, the friend in her head only she could hear. The one who had disappeared as she’d grown older. Had something returned? “I don’t… know.”
Brazen