"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
Breckin turned to give Roseen what seemed to be an answer, until something seemed to stun the Queen into speechlessness. Her eyes were a mix of emotions, none of which Nalia could exactly identify. She locked her gaze on the newborn colt by Roseen's side, her smile disappearing in an instant as she tried to sort through her thoughts. Nalia was confused for a moment, wondering what exactly could have happened to make Breckin this way, but what she'd been in the middle of saying to Roseen seemed to snap the Queen out of her stupor.
She finished Nalia's sentence, offering her two bits on the nice life Roseen could have here before she said she had to attend to something. The Queen left with hardly a word, brushing her muzzle along Nalia's wing before disappearing from sight.
That left Nalia alone with the bay mare, along with the wobbly legged colt. Nalia's eyes fixated on the small creature, extending her nose again to catch his scent. She wanted desperately to walk closer, to get to know him personally, but felt she should respect Roseen's space since the tiny being would no doubt be a bit intimidated by the large horse that was not his dam.
So, instead, Nalia's eyes softened even more, if that was possible, as she smiled at Roseen, "He's beautiful, and you've picked a lovely name for him."
The two horses were alone for a time before Breckin returned, another horse by her side. Feeling a bit protective of her new friend, Nalia stepped in front of Roseen some in case she needed to help defend her, extending one of her wings a little to help shield the colt. The newcomer with Breckin, Nalia had actually seen around Nerine a number of times, but she had not yet gotten a chance to know him. For all she knew, the stallion, something she both saw and determined when she heard him speak, could know Roseen, but Nalia's herd instincts told her to protect Roseen and Thorgal.
The stallion seemed to be in shock like Breckin was earlier, his eyes going white and his posture tensing like a coiled snake. It seemed he was having an internal struggle before he uttered a single word, 'Why?', followed by a full sentence, inquiring on if Roseen had named the colt yet.
Lowering her wing, thinking this stallion did not wish any ill will on the mare or her newborn, Nalia stepped back so Roseen could speak, wondering if Roseen had anything else to say beyond the colt's name. It was clear to the filly that this stallion, Roseen, and possibly, dare she say it, even Breckin, had history, and though she was not going to straight up ask what it was, she was curious to know since the birth of this colt had obviously shocked everyone.
Nalia seemed eager to allow Roseen and her foal to stay in Nerine, being the first to speak. Yet she stopped herself short, allowing Breckin to finish what she was saying. The sooty bay was still unaware that the leopard-spotted mare had become Queen of the Kingdom, so it seemed odd to her at first that the excited filly would stop mid-sentence. It never occurred to her that permission was needed first by the Queen. Either way, gaining approval from the two made the new mother smile. She dipped her head sincerely, speaking her words of gratitude, “I can’t thank you enough. One of these days I will have to pay you back.” Though the filly and mare may not have thought they had done much to deserve something in return more than a few grateful words, Roseen felt entirely different. Letting her stay in Nerine meant everything to her; it meant she didn’t have to continue traveling in search of a new home. Only this time, she had a newborn foal that wouldn’t be able to handle walking a great distance. She wasn’t yet sure whether she intended on staying in Nerine for good, but Thorgal would be safe until he was able to walk a great distance, in case she ever needed to leave Nerine.
Breckin’s odd behavior quickly caught the attention of Roseen. She wasn’t smart enough to tell what had caused her to look so upset suddenly, but she had a hunch. The spotted mare took her leave out of nowhere, only quickly saying she’d return before dashing off. For a moment Roseen was stunned, the confusion in her mind reflecting in her eyes before it switched to melancholy. Though her smile remained, albeit forced, she gazed down upon her foal. The more she looked at him the more she could see how he resembled his father. Perhaps Breckin could see that as well. But Roseen couldn’t blame her. The other mare had known Leilan far longer than Roseen, and also seemed to have romantic feelings towards him. Er, she at least knew he felt that way about Breckin. It was expected of her to recognize one of his foals because of how well she knew him. And, Roseen found it understandable if the mare didn’t return. Perhaps she felt too hurt to see his foal, born by another mare. Well, at least one of his foals. She had every right to be angry with Roseen and avoid her. She wouldn’t even be surprised if she decided to not let them stay in Nerine. She wouldn’t be surprised if she hated Roseen from now on.
She closed her eyes for a heartbeat. Honestly, she felt too numb at the moment to care whether Breckin hated her. She deserved every bit of it. But she would only allow such treatment to be placed upon herself. If Breckin, or anyone on that matter, ever mistreated her foal, and held something against him because of something he never did, she wouldn’t stand for it. The very notion made her angry.
Nalia finally spoke, breaking her thoughts and pulling her back to her current situation. Opening her eyes, she glanced ahead to see that Nalia was still keeping her distance. She wasn’t sure why, but it didn’t necessarily bother her. She figured the filly was just trying to be polite and give Roseen some space. Maybe. Smiling softly, she replied, “Thank you.” Roseen lowered her head to gently nudge him lovingly. He really was beautiful. Surely he’d grow to be just as handsome as his father. She didn’t mind really, so long as he used his looks properly instead of deceiving foolish mares like her to fall for him. Honest, loyal, kind, respectful; the perfect little gentleman. That’s how she would raise him. With a gentle kiss to his forehead, she added, “I got his name from someone I once knew in the herd I was raised in. They were a dear friend of mine for a time, until we parted ways.” She intentionally avoided saying her father had thrown her out of the herd, simply because she didn’t want to talk about it. But remembering her friend was always nice.
After a while, Breckin surprisingly returned. Honestly, Roseen hadn’t expected her to. And even if she did, she most certainly wasn’t expecting her to come with Leilan. Her heart dropped at the sight of the stallion, eyes widening like the full moon, breath catching in her throat. Why...why was he there? Did Brecking go retrieve him? Why? Why? Obviously she knew Thorgal was his; this was no doubt proof of that. But...Roseen just couldn’t understand why.
He seemed just as shocked as Roseen imagined she might be looking. Her brain was wracking too much for her to notice Nalia standing between her and Leilan protectively. She hadn’t told him who the father was when they met at the River. She didn’t want him to know, for fear of hurting Breckin. But, now they both knew. Her secret was out. Had they come to scorn her? Was Breckin angry for what Roseen had done? And Leilan...was he angry because the foal was his? Perhaps he didn’t want another one. Surely he had plenty already. Thorgal must’ve been a mistake in his eyes. She must’ve been a mistake.
She wasn’t thinking clearly anymore. Her sudden fear and guilt returning to make her jump to conclusions. Surely if he was so angry, he wouldn’t share the same look of bewilderment that she wore. No, there had to be another reason why he was there. Her ears laid back almost out of hostility, head lowering as her eyes locked onto her foal and refused to meet Leilan’s. This was too soon. She couldn’t talk to him. Barely had she any time to even temporarily forget the pain he had caused her. This...she just wasn’t ready yet. Her feelings were too conflicted for her to gather her thoughts. She’d be surprised if she managed to hold a conversation.
He asked the very question that now burned in her mind, ‘Why’? But she didn’t answer. The ever growing lump in her throat stole her voice from her as her heart beat quicker and quicker in a painful way. He didn’t finish his question, and briefly she was relieved, hoping she wouldn’t have to talk. But that relief came too quickly, for he replaced his previous question with another.
Trying hard not to stutter over her own words, she tried to give him an answer. However, the painful lump in her throat made her voice ghostly, barely audible. “Thorgal...” pausing briefly, she took in a quivering breath to steady her nerves that became more and more unsettled the longer Leilan stood there. Fortunately, she managed to strengthen her voice, even just a little. “His name is Thorgal,” she repeated, in case he hadn’t heard the first time. And as if in response, her foal’s ears lifted to stand high, his dark eyes turning upward to look at her distraught face.
She hoped this would be over soon. It was just...too painful right now.
even if you feel all alone, it can’t rain everyday, it don’t rain forever
@[Breckin] @[Nalia] @[Leilan] If no one wants me to post next with Thorgal, just let me know and y’all can go ahead and post :3
09-27-2018, 01:35 PM (This post was last modified: 09-27-2018, 01:36 PM by Thorgal.)
Thorgal lied next to his mother since the birth, not even attempting to stand just yet. He remained silent as well, his dark eyes watching the horses around him as they spoke, left, and returned with a new face. His ears swiveled curiously, head tilting with just about every words said. There was a grulla filly, obviously younger than the others but much older than him. Her wings had caught his interest immediately, his first time seeing one of the common traits in Beqanna. Next was another mare; this one was older, white with pretty spots scattered about her body. She was pretty enough to catch the favor of a newborn foal, but it was only natural for a foal to like someone they thought had an attractive appearance, though their feelings remained entirely pure. And then, there was a stallion. His body was covered in some kind of scaling, with golden streaks in his light mane and tail, and curious eyes. The young colt tilted his head once more, fascinated by the appearance of the odd stallion.
Little did he know that the stallion was his father. Too young to understand was he as the adults spoke, but some things were obvious to read, even for a foal. His mother became distressed the moment that stallion appeared, while the stallion only gazed down at Thorgal with a curious face. Was he surprised about something? His ears swiveled when the stallion spoke, and his mother said something in return. Twice he heard her say his name, something he was already coming to know and understand. He looked up at her, eyes large and ears high. She looked so upset...so much so he began to whine a little as he wondered what was going on. For a moment he thought he saw her eyes watering a little, but she quickly blinked them away.
He was beginning to grow frustrated. He couldn’t understand what was going on; their behavior, their words. None of it made any sense to the poor, oblivious colt. Not only that, but his stomach was hollow as well. He wanted his mother’s attention, as well as her warm milk to satisfy his hunger. He snorted and shook his head as if to throw off water from it, then looked back up at his mother expectantly.
@[Nalia] @[Breckin] @[Leilan] I didn’t make him try to stand yet because I thought enough was going on right now for the adults xD I didn’t want a lot of things going on at once and making things difficult :/
Leilan had smiled at her approach, and she had frowned, uttering a placid, You must come now. With that she had turned back in the direction of the waiting pair, trusting in him fully enough to know that he would follow without further prompting and the sound of heavy footfalls behind her is satisfaction enough. He hadn't questioned her, and for that she'd been thankful, loving him all over again for the way he so readily awaited her. But she refuses to leave him in the dark, choosing to enlighten him with the news that a son of his was within Nerine. She had spared him a sideways glance then as they neared their destination, watching as his pace seemed to quicken and his interest grew larger.
Not right now. Another reminder, to ignore the strange feeling that had begun to grip her stomach.
His demeanor is altered again shifting from eager curiosity to a blank shock as his tumultuous eyes take in the unexpected scene in front of him. Nalia's stance becomes between Leilan and Roseen, and Breckin watches with vague amusement as the young girl holds her ground until she seems sure the roan stallion means no ill will. A shadow of a small smile flickers at the corner of her lips, admiring the brazen nature of the filly as she finally steps away. But it is only a brief moment before the promise of a grin dies to a flat plane again.
The leopard mare tries, but she can't stop herself, and the memories of both Leilan and Roseen cross her mind's eye again--one of memories searching for a substitute, and one of memories falling in love with a handsome charmer. And she's not sure which of them is sadder, which is more painful, which is more devastating. Whose emotions was she even feeling right now? His? Her? Her own? It was exhaustingly confusing, and a fear rose in her as she realized that she'd soon lose all composure if this coiling whirlwind of bitter emotions didn't begin to loosen.
Not right now. The reminder felt more like a prayer now.
The soft whine of the colt snaps her drifting gaze back to focus, watching as Roseen seems to withdraw within herself, seemingly unwilling to want to engage will Leilan much further. Guilt rode heavy upon her conscious already, placing blame upon herself again for this entire unfortunate situation. As much as she'd do anything to reverse the choices she had made, the rippling effect she had caused, she simply couldn't--having instead to bear the burden of the curse to relive their memories that would forever haunt her. At least she could try to make amends from here, shed some light onto the shadows, giving them honest information so that either of them might make their choices based on fact.
The remembrance of the reasoning behind her bringing them together now causes a shallow confidence to bloom within her, raising her head to full height, her gaze hardens as it shifts between both Roseen and Leilan respectively. She could have chosen to remain silent, let them figure out her intentions on their own, and maybe the old Breckin would have, but this version does not have the heart to let them guess at her reasonings. She cared about both of them in their own different ways, and so they both deserved an explanation. "Look," she says at last quietly, mindful of the sensitive ears of the resting foal. Though quiet, she cannot help the firm edge her usually light voice takes, commanding all of their attention to turn towards her without the allowance of questioning before she was done speaking. "I sincerely apologize for making this happy occasion uncomfortable all of a sudden, but you both deserve to know the truth. I would love nothing more than for the both of you to be happy within my kingdom, but I felt as though you both needed to know that each other might be here before you made your choice." Her tongue threatens to spill more, wanting to share bluntly the secrets she knew they both kept and just get on with it. But she pins it between her teeth forcibly, painfully, resisting the urge to turn away or even look away from them for that matter, knowing that she could not force either of them into some semblance of amendment if they didn't want to. And really that would be okay, but it was her job to see to it they at least have the opportunity presented to them.
Somehow she reins in what little composure she still has a hand on, her expression turning stoic, regal maybe even as she fails to mask all of her own pain behind the deep brown tone of her eyes, and allowing her voice to carry into silence.
@[Leilan] @[Roseen] @[Nalia] ugh this was so difficult to write. its all over the place but really Breckin is super all kinds of conflicted right now so maybe it works lol
a dragon who couldn't be hurt on the outside could have so many ragged holes inside
Upon arrival, there is a grulla and painted filly, stepping in the way as if he's a threat. He glances her way cynically - you really think your own queen would just bring any guy over here, to, what exactly, hurt them? Clearly she doesn't know Breckin well, then - and looks past and through her when he just stares at Roseen and the baby. Because that's his baby, like it or not, and he can't be bothered by something so mundane as a three-year-old thinking she needs to protect them. Pfft. Like she even could. With Roseen still physically weakened and the younger mare just being an annoyance, Breckin is the only one present to stop him; but he doesn't advance or make a threatening move, and finally the young woman moves out of sight so he can talk to Roseen.
Except that she doesn't want to look at him.
And only answers his question in a short sentence.
On top of that, Breckin is also behaving strangely; retreated, slightly stern, not unlike when he'd shown her his memories, his mistakes - for thinking he could pretend to be whole, for thinking he could move on without the spotted mare and exchange her for Roseen - he recognizes the tone and look in her eyes. Hurt. And trying to make sense of it. Gods, how did they all end up in this very spot...
But the young colt whines, not understanding, and all the rest is forgotten. His eyes latch on to the baby, oh, he's such a handsome boy, the silvery white of his mane a stark contrast against the sooty bay colour of his coat. And Breckin speaks, and for once he hardly listens to the numerous words that leave her pretty mouth to explain why she brought him here... but she spurs him into action at last. Because what she says reaches his very core. She wants to let them make a well-informed decision.
Just like he'd done for her, before.
And his decisions have already been made. He's here to stay, and not planning on running away from a baby boy, especially when this one probably needs him more than the others do. And yes, there's two more, that he knows, and he loves the both of them, so why would it be different with this one? Who could possibly imagine him not loving the few good things he's ever created in his life?
His legs carry him forward, without thinking too much, one step towards Breckin to briefly touch her neck should she allow it, there is a silent sorry for bringing this upon her as he looks into her eyes briefly, deep blue neighing towards purple; she doesn't have to stay if she doesn't want to.
Then further forward towards Roseen and the young colt. Warm greyish blue. "Thorgal," he repeats, tasting the name as well as letting it settle within him that that's the name of his son. "That's a good name." He says, looking to Roseen, calculating as if he wants to say something but then, changes his mind because it can wait, it should wait, he's not about to fight her in front of everyone and most certainly not in front of the baby boy.
And so, before anyone can stop him, or tries to drag him away (because he fears that they might if he's not quick enough), he moves forward with that last step, to softly rearrange the short and sticky mane on the young boy's head, talking to him in a low and warm tone, soothing, while he murmurs into his mane. If it's not the tone, then the brown colouring in his eyes is what should betray his feelings, but he doesn't care if anyone notices. "You've nothing to fear, Thorgal. Mommy loves you. Daddy loves you, too. We'll make it work, and we'll be here for you, one way or another. And you're gonna grow up and be strong and be way better than your father, because honestly he's just making a mess of things. Okay? Now stand," he moves his head towards the colt's legs to help unfold them, and nudges his side and back to get him to move, making one last statement in a more determined voice, hoping that it helps to get him to stand. "Life is difficult enough without going about it crawling, and you're not getting any food at this rate."
His eyes finally find the bay mother then, assuming the baby is now finally going to move. His eyes no longer brown, but again switching in a myriad of blues and greys as the pity he feels for her comes out in a stubborn determination to not let Roseen and Thorgal slip away from him. "I'd hoped you'd be my friend, because I realized I can't give you anything else. I see now that you don't want that either. You were never going to tell me." A sigh. "But he needs you, Roseen. He needs you to be stronger than this. And you know what? He needs his father too. So I'm staying. I don't care if you'll hate me for it - you can hate me twice over, but don't you ever let that reflect on him. He doesn't deserve that, and you know it."
He spares a look at the colt behind them, and steps sideways then. Whatever is best for the boy. And right now, the best is his mother, and some food in his belly, and then sleep. But in this mess, he'll probably need his father around too to make sense of things, and most of all to not make the mistakes he made. Like not telling Roseen earlier that without Breckin he's an empty shell. And that sleeping with her could not fill that hole no matter how he had tried to feel something for her. Just the fact that he'd needed to try it out should have been an indication that it wouldn't work - but he'd been stupid enough to push forward in all his stubbornness.
If only he'd used that stubbornness to talk to Breckin, before any of the children happened, nobody would have been hurt. He can only hope that Thorgal will be less stupid than himself.
HTML by Vanilla Custard, picture by x-celebri-x on deviantart
@[Roseen] @[Nalia] @[Breckin]
Two things I know I can make: pretty kids, and people mad.
Her eyes never left her foal for a moment, not even to spare Leilan a brief glance. She couldn't bring herself to look at him for fear that the tears she tried so hard to keep from falling would fall. For a heartbeat she wondered why Breckin had brought him there. It wasn't her decision to make whether Leilan knows that the foal is his or not. It was Roseen's decision to make. Breckin had no right. But then the spotted mare spoke, and Roseen inwardly scolded herself for her bitter thinking. Of course that's why. Roseen was about to make a very important decision to stay within a Kimgdom; she was about to call Nerine her home. But now that she knew Leilan was there, was she really sure about staying? No, she wasn't. In fact, she wanted to get away and go as far from him as possible so that she could have more time to heal, at least. But there was more to it than whether she could face him or not, and whether this would be her home.
The future of her foal was on the line, even more so than hers. She had already begun to accept she would never know real love due to her heartache, but her foal was so young with a long life ahead of him. He had plenty of time to learn, to grow and be blessed with the things she never had. She couldn't take away his chances from him. So, what was best?
Leilan then stepped forward. Only then did she allow her eyes to spare him a glance, though wary it was. He took Thorgal before she could make any attempt to stop him, but she locked her jaw to keep herself from snapping at him. She didn't like him just waltzing in and acting like a father after all he had done. In all honesty it made her blood boil. But, somehow, all at the same time it made her heart leap to see him taking responsibility, to see him doing so well with a foal. It reminded her of her 'love' for him, despite how much he had trampled on her heart. Is this what he would've been like if he had loved her and become her mate? She could tell he'd be a good father, but he was a lousy stallion.
Finally, the hate in her eyes dissolved as she looked at Breckin with pure sadness, as well as...was that joy? Breckin was a lucky mare. If they ever had a foal of their own she'd have a loyal stallion who will always love her and stand at her side, as well as be a wonderful father. Roseen was admittedly, and regrettably envious of the beautiful mare that had everything she ever wanted. But she was happy for her all at once, simply because she cared for Breckin. Her friendship, no matter how green it was, was too strong and important to her for any anger or jealousy to remain within the sooty bay. She just couldn't bring herself to hate the mare for what she had. Not necessarily Leilan, but love, and a hopeful future. She was also strong. Roseen knew, and could see the pain in Breckin's eyes. It hurt her to know the stallion she loved had a foal with another mare. But she kept her composer and did what was necessary. She didn't let her pain take over, and that was what Roseen admired about her the most.
She looked back at Leilan, her eyes suddenly clear of all tears, but now stern. If there was anyone to be angry at, it was Leilan, aside from herself. She too was to blame, but surely he wasn't stupid enough to not see how she felt. It was painfully obvious, and yet he led her on. Because of his foolishness he had foals -the number of them still unknown to her- with other mares, and now Breckin too was suffering because of him. Roseen had plenty of time to punish herself for her own foolishness, but she didn't have many chances to tell Leilan how she really felt. Deep down she knew she still felt the same about him as before; those feelings weren't so easily forgotten and left behind. And though she still cared for him deeply, she finally allowed herself to feel anger, anger she had kept hidden and denied up until now. She didn't hate him, and truly did hope they'd be friends in the future just as he had mentioned. But did he really expect a warm welcome after what he had done so soon afterwards? Did he expect her to be happy to see the stallion that hurt her? If he did then he was even more foolish than she thought. She wouldn't be warm and kind to him, nit now. Surely she would in the future; she just needed time to heal is all.
However, his words were true. Thorgal needed a father. She just didn't think it should be Leilan. If he ever had a foal with Breckin then he needed to spend all if his time with that family. He couldn't be a real father to Thorgal without neglecting to be a real father to Breckin's foal, because being a father like that is a full time job. Besides, she didn't want Leilan to rub off on Thorgal. She wanted her foal to be better than his father. But true love was out of reach for her, and so she couldn't have a loyal and loving mate that could be a father to Thorgal instead of Leilan. She figured she didn't have much choice. Perhaps he could just help out as a friend instead? He could visit them and such just as a friend would, but she didn't want him acting as a father. Why exactly, she wasn't sure. It was just a gut feeling.
She sighed heavily, eyes hardening as she looked at Leilan. "I would never do such a thing to him," she replied. "I love him more than I could ever love anyone else. He deserves the best. Better than me, and better than you." She almost cringed at her own words, for they had come out more harsh than she intended. Breckin might even take offense, but Roseen needed to get these things off her chest. Silently she hoped the other mare would stay out of it and just allow Roseen to do what needed to be done. She couldn't keep things bottled up any longer, especially if she hoped to be friends with Leilan. They needed to get everything out in the open, be honest with each other. Otherwise nothing would ever be solved.
"I will stay as well, but I don't want Thorgal to have a father that doesn't even love his mother. You can visit and spend time with Thorgal, but as a friend only. To be completely honest, I don't fully trust you. You've already hurt me, so there is nothing that leads me to believe you won't hurt Thorgal," she paused for a moment to take in a deep, steadying breath. Then when she felt she was ready, she continued, "If you are serious about being there for Thorgal, then show me you can be trusted, show me how much you've changed. To what extent can I believe in you?" It wasn't easy for her to say those words; they had left her heart pounding with a queasy feeling in her stomach. But if he was serious, she would give him a chance to prove himself.
For Thorgal's sake.
@[Leilan] @[Nalia] @[Breckin] So sorry for keeping y’all waiting...also, phone post
Nalia found it rather charming that Roseen had dedicated her colt in the name of a friend she'd grown up in her home herd with. The duo had parted ways, it seemed, but Roseen still obviously cherished their friendship, something Nalia would not get in the way of ever. She thought it was good for others to hold onto certain memories, especially cherished, happy ones, something to give them hope in the future.
When Leilan started talking with Roseen, the duo going back and forth about the colt, and Breckin adding in her own input, Nalia stepped back to allow them a small bit of privacy. It wasn't quite a lot since the filly was still in the immediate area and could hear them, but she could at least pretend she wasn't listening. It was obvious that these three had a history; what kind, she didn't know. For a moment, Nalia became distracted by Thorgal's attempts to stand, then Breckin cut in with her explanation for why she'd brought Leilan here.
Nalia's mind was swimming; exactly what was going on here? What history ran so deep with these three that Breckin was actually apologizing for bringing the stallion here to visit the colt, his son? The stallion had his own piece to say about that, saying that even if Roseen grew to hate him, she should not let that influence how she raised her colt. As much as the filly was growing annoyed by him, he did have a point. The colt didn't need to hate his sire, even if his dam did. He would learn the history between the two of them when he was grown, but he didn't need to grow up hating one parent for actions he didn't have control over.
Question was, how would Roseen handle that?
The filly watched as Roseen looked to the stallion before her eyes went to Breckin, and Nalia caught the pain hidden behind those beautiful brown eyes. She wondered what the mare was thinking right now, assessing the situation, before telling Leilan the ground rules under which he could visit Thorgal. Nalia's ears turned toward her, wondering what the stallion would think before she remembered the other horse here.
Even though the mare was trying to hide her pain, Nalia could just feel her composure was starting to crack. She stepped closer to the Queen, stretching out her neck to look up at the taller mare's eyes, whispering to her in a gentle voice, "Are you all right?"
His whining seemed to catch the attention of the adults, but their confusing conversation did not stop, which was what Thorgal had silently hoped for. The young colt was wanting to be noticed by his mother, but was too young to understand that he was the subject of their conversation. However, the odd stallion came closer to Thorgal -who watched curiously- before pulling him away from his mother. He gave another whine, one of disapproval for being separated from the sooty bay, but he gave little resistance. The stallion spoke softly, soothingly in his pale mane. And though he couldn't quite understand most of his words, he understood some of them. 'Mommy loves you. Daddy loves you, too'. He gazed at the stallion curiously with ears high and eyes large. Did that mean the stallion was his father? On instinct he already knew his mother, but that was a given. The father wasn't always so easily recognized. But a newborn foal believes the words they are told, for they are too young to know of lies.
He averted his dark eyes to look at his mother, silently asking if this stallion was his father. But before anything else could happen, the stallion had told him to stand and made an attempt to make Thorgal move. It was about time!
He moved his legs under him and tried to lift himself from the ground. His legs, though thick from drafts' blood, were weak and unstable. They trembled beneath his weight, and he stumbled as he struggled to stand upright. But with help from the stallion, Thorgal finally succeeded. A small task it was, but for him it was something worth feeling triumphant for. He gave his first smile, though it was small, and took his first step toward his mother.
It takes a moment, for anything he’d said to sink in with her, but she reacts quick enough. She wouldn’t want to hurt the child, no. Fine. That’s settled then – it’s the only thing they’ve agreed on. Anything else… not so much.
His icy gaze hardens when the bay mare speaks next. He’s seen her eyes dart towards Breckin with mixed emotions, but funnily enough she cannot comprehend that he has those, too. Feelings, that is. He just never knew how to cope with the major ones, it seems – everything he does, everything he feels, he does it with maximum intensity; that includes the times he was angry with himself, angry with Breckin, or the way he lost himself in the mere idea of starting over or longing for a woman’s touch – anyone’s was good enough at that point – or the hurt that consumed him and got him all up and down that mountain. But it also includes the way he loves his children, or Breckin. There’s nothing, ever, that’s allowed to get in between that.
Roseen just had the worst timing in the world, to fall for the empty thing that he was at the time. The not-thinking-about-tomorrow type. The heartless version of himself that didn’t consider any of the consequences, or even her feelings at that time: only his own hurt, only his lack of a heart, the hole he could not fill. She’s right though – Thorgal deserves much better than either of his parents, and he doesn’t flinch at her words because he thinks them true. But they still are Thorgal’s parents, and it’s enough that they try. That is, if he’s even allowed to do that…
What she proposes now, is beyond his grasp. At first, he just stares at her, jaw locking tight because the alternative is that he might want to tear something apart. She still wants to be someone’s number one. And that’s fine – it means whatever she wanted of him, clearly she doesn’t want it so bad that she accepts to stand in Breckin’s shade (which is a spot he wouldn’t even give her at this very moment, not any more, but that’s beside the point). It also means she gets no say in whatever else he does, though.
He’s standing so still and stiff he might be trembling – in fact he is, minimally, hardly visible. It may be hurt that causes it, but if the past isn’t prove enough… it’s anger that he shows. For moments, he doesn’t get a word out. It doesn’t seem to register what she says, though it does. But when he unfreezes, he’s very clear about what he wants. Friend only?“No.” It’s a stiff denial, not even that heated when he says it – more or less a stating of a fact.
He doesn’t want it that way. It’s not what’s best for Thorgal, as far as he can see – if it was, he might have gone with it. Snorting a moment to gather his breath and loosen his mouth from the worst of the tension, there’s a matter-of-factly, slightly sarcastic, word flow coming from him. “I never promised you anything. You just assumed. So, yes, we were both desperate. Yet you say I broke your trust just by leaving you? Funny one you are. I don’t think pretending to love would have been any better. Do you?” His voice is soft, not necessarily a good thing. She should stand above this, but apparently she wants to play the childish game instead. If she can’t man up and leave the past be to care for her child who needs her…
Alright, so he’s actually very angry at her now. His voice is getting a little shaky when he continues, coated in an icy layer of pure restraint and not-shouting-because-foal (close behind him, he’s spotted the movements, but luckily, it takes a foal a few tries to stand), and gritting his teeth instead of actually snapping at her. “That’s not what’s best for him, Roseen, it’s just what’s best for you. There’s hundreds of children in Beqanna living without ever knowing their father, or even without a family – but he’s not going to be one of them. He has a family. A mother, a father, a sister, a brother. Who cares if they don’t all cuddle up at night. They’re there and they care and that’s what matters.” That’s at least, the two that he knows of. “ You don’t get to deny him all of that just because I’m not in love with you. You can hate me and yet you say you love him, why the hell do you think it’ll be different for me? How dare you even talk that way. You know nothing of me, Roseen. Absolutely nothing. All you know is that empty shell of the past, with a hole where the heart should have been. But let me tell you this much: nobody ever hurts my family. He’s part of that family, and you can choose for yourself if you want to be or not.”
An irritated huff follows, one step closer to her, almost threateningly, staring her down, tone low and muted for the sake of their son. “I am done pretending to be something I’m not. I’m not going through that again, because we all know how that one worked out. And if you don’t want to believe in me that’s fine. Who says I can trust you, either?” To not tell Thorgal about how bad and mean and terrible his dad is – there’s not guarantee she won’t do that, after all. And he’d have a child who hates him because his mother’s fantasies didn’t play out the way she imagined. “I’ll make you one promise, and that’s the only one you’ll get. I will always refuse to walk out on my own child.” Any of them.
It’s then that the movement behind him becomes a standing boy, and he turns his head to watch him take a step. Gives him a small smile in return. And like a snowflake in the summer sun, there’s nothing left of the ice in his voice. ”There you go, I knew you could do it.” All he’d needed was a little nudge, and a little faith. And he’s allowed to be proud of that. Whatever Roseen may think.
@[Roseen] @[Breckin] @[Nalia]
Two things I know I can make: pretty kids, and people mad.
Leilan’s touch had been some type of reassurance, and she had only been somewhat aware to the fact that he had even done so. It didn’t move her, didn’t phase her. The rigidity of her posture rooted her to the graying soil, bound by the concreteness of duty above anything else in that moment. It was a minute thing, but it was something. Something very solid and absolute and final in the chaos of her other spiraling thoughts and ignored emotions. Like the eye of a hurricane or the lone ancient pine standing unwavering through a storm, Breckin clung to the only pillar she knew that stood firm in times of uncertainty—her responsibilities.
Her responsibilities to her home, her residents, the only family she had really known. But not herself. No, that was less important than the others. One day maybe, but not now.
Nalia’s distant voice called her back, blinking away the blurred edges of her vision caused by her unfocused staring. Her expression quizzical, her face turns towards the filly, trying to remember the girl’s question she’d already forgotten. Dark lips part readying to ask her to repeat her question, but the words die on her tongue, her attention being pulled back towards the conversation between Leilan and Roseen and the silver dusted colt attempting to stand.
She’d heard them say they both planned on staying in Nerine, that they’d both never hurt their son, that they both wanted little Thorgal to become something better than Leilan had. But that was where the agreements appeared to deviate, the sooty mare was unwilling to allow Leilan the title of Thorgal’s father and Leilan practically denied idea no sooner than Roseen had proclaimed it.
Her roan stallion’s posture suggests tension, and Leilan was nothing if not passionate in all that he does. Through hurt and anger and love and everything else, he does it all with such an intensity thats hard to ignore. It was strange this time, to not be on the receiving side of his heated words, her memory briefly lapsing into recall of their encounter in the Forest.
The Leviathan leader stood idly by, listening and watching, brow weaving together in a neutral concentration and waiting for some terms of agreement between the new parents if there would be any at all. For now, she finds shallow contentment in keeping guard, waiting to intervene if things should suddenly turn sour. But whether she agreed or disagreed with either of their arguments, it didn’t matter, and she doesn’t allow herself the time to think upon it.
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