"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
The riverlands stretched itself across the heart of Beqanna, forming a border between Loess and Hyaline. He’d yet to visit the newly formed Loess and, if the tales could be believed, it’s new king. Although the kingdoms he had visited had met him with welcoming words, he knew very little about those that had recently fallen under new rule. He was grateful, however, that Solace hadn’t fallen victim to the winds of mutiny.
Having traveled from the isolated kingdom of Tephra, he’d struggled to ignore the emptiness that gnawed at him. The constant movement of his existence had begun to wear down on him. Destined to never settle for long, his nomadic life filled him with exhaustion and an unfulfillable desire. The volcanic land had only served to echo the truth that he already knew to be unavoidably true.
Trailing beside the river his head hung low, his blind eye shielding him from the unforgiving nature of his reflection. For a moment he was grateful for the unnatural blindness that plagued him. He imagined that he appeared like any one else. Although he could feel the weight of his forelock resting upon the puffy skin of his deformity, he chose to ignore the tickling of his baby hairs.
Eerily calm the wandering of his mind was beyond his control.
The lot he’d been served in life was a burden that he’d carried almost willingly. It’d been a waste of his energy to send his complaints into the world. He’d only ever been greeted by cold shouldered disgust. Even as a half-starved colt, his pleaded had fallen upon empty ears. Loneliness had been a truer companion than even the doting love of a mother. Lying in the grass, ribs poking through his heavily breathing sides, he’d taken his first mouthful of grass, finding sustenance within the sweet earthiness of it. From that moment on, he’d resolved to rely upon himself and the silence that followed him. Behind closed eyes, however, his dreams had run rampant.
Lately, cruel daydreams had plagued the quiet toiling of his day-to-day toiling’s. Everywhere he looked he saw her face, a soft smile placed peacefully upon her lips. She saw the sparkling affection that resided deep within her gentle face and imagined her child as he romped through the autumnal grass. The life he longed for danced just beyond his reach as her plea for him to stay chased him even farther from Tephra. The pain she felt upon his disappearance would not compare to that of what it could be if he’d given in to her request. She deserved better than his mangled face and the sorrow of his past. He chose to believe that one day, another stallion would discover the beauty of her and would erase the memory of his involvement in her life.
Meanwhile, he hoped that the changing of the land would help to heal the holes she’d left in him. Instead, it only presented knew questions, questions he’d done his best to avoid. This time, they demanded to be satisfied. Why persist when it would be so much easier if he finally ended the cruelty of his existence?
Indeed, Solace has not fallen victim to the winds of mutiny - for unlike many in Beqanna, she is a worthy ruler, a person of the people, and not some nameless wanna be. Until my dying breath will I support her in her role as queen, and I know that her brother Svedka and the new ambassador Ilma shall feel similarly, if not identically. Hyaline stands as a united front on the shifting political plains of Beqanna for all to see.
But despite such strong political feelings, I still find myself meandering through the river-grounds as if it is my second home. And in truth, it is; when I resurfaced post-Reckoning, it had been upon these grounds. The moist soil shifts beneath my hooves in a way that Hyaline's does not, and I relish the earthy sensation, eyes closing as the last of the autumn sun strikes my withers and poll lackadaisically.
The more one practices falling asleep, the more one is aware of that shift - aware without reawakening as the weight of sleep presses into the skull, chaining the eyelids to the cheekbones and guiding the rhythm of the breath seamlessly. In this way, Kagerus felt herself drawn off to a daydream, a smile wrapping around her dark muzzle as she realized that for once, sleep took her instead of the other way around. The dozing was pleasant for some time, as the sun warmed her back and skull; she could almost imagine Solace there next to her, a warm presence for the warm autumn evening...
Someone's here.
She lifted her sleep-bleary eyes to try and decipher the landscape: it's creation was not her own, though as her fingers curled around its shape, she knew she could easily manipulate it. She dreamt that she was a half mist, shaped as she ought to be but made up of thin water particles. This much she knew, and for now, this much she was in control of. The rest, she waited to watch unravel - but somewhere in the distance, she sensed a dream of desperate wanting, of mothers and of an unreached happiness. She'd never wanted her own mother - but the deep-seated pain left even her stoic face downtrodden.
He's close.
Shifting in this strange, ethereal body, I wander through the haze of his day dream, wondering just who I have accidentally stumbled upon with my unpredictable magic. The memory of bringing a demon into the world comes to mind, and for a moment my image stutters as my corporeal body stirs and moans, warning me and begging me to wake up for fear that this, too, is another of those times when I am not truly in control. But the mist of me reforms, and I press on.
"Hello?" Comes my lyrical voice, sounding strangely like a siren's, tempting and young and beautiful. "Who's out there?"
@[Hephaestus]
Since you mentioned daydreams, I went ahead and said he was having one now, because I've been wanting to use this approach for a while now. Also, can I say that you write so beautifully? I had to reread that post because of how many lyrical, poetic moments you had. Goddamn. Also, I have no idea about this whole zooming-out third person narrative that randomly decided to happen, so enjoy.
Despair and anguish pulled at him from every corner of his consciousness. The pains of his past tore through him like knives raking across his skin. The reality of his upbringing greeted him coldly, hissing in his ears like an unfriendly snake. Since he’d left his father’s herd he’d known more kindness than he’d ever could have imagined to be possible. He’d come close to knowing friendship and – love, he dared to hope.
He froze, staring out across the river as it flowed serenely past. For a moment he imagined her standing upon the opposite bank. Her peacock’s wings tucked delicately at her side while her red colt played joyfully in the shallows of the river. Beside her, a version of himself stood protectively. Handsome and strong, his dark silhouette was only recognizable by his one single blind eye. Otherwise, he was completely unlike himself. Whole he stood, every feature upon his face formed perfectly. Pain greater than any he’d ever experienced before ripped through him.
Crying out a lone tear slid along the cracks and crevices of his abnormality, a cruel reminder to the curse of his reality. Still, the threesome lingered upon the bank just beyond his reach. Happy and serenely normal. The cracks in his heart deepened.
To others, dreams offered an escape. The lulling promise of a future that had yet to be lived. Full of potential he’d once fostered unrealistic hopes – only to have reality come crashing down upon him. It hadn’t been since a young age that he’d gladly submit himself to the tantalizing disillusions. Completely unable to rid himself of his cruel daydream he stood powerless against it’s power.
Around him, a fog drifted in from the forest behind him, wrapping itself around his ankles. Before him the river warped and the foliage shifted to reveal a painted figure just beyond his reach. He felt a connection with her, a tugging to discover her identity. Instinctively, he stepped forward his ears pricked in direction just in time to catch the lyrical tone of her voice.
Lowering his massive head, he strained his eye through the darkness that surrounded them as his feathery feet continued to carry him ever closer to her.
“My name is Hephaestus,” he answered her question, his voice fading into the void that stretched between them.
Break My Shackles To Set Me Free
@[Kagerus] Aw, thanks for the compliment! I'm so sorry that this took me so long, I had such a hard time and I'm still not 100% pleased with how this turns out. Anyway, I hope this is okay.
His approaching footsteps are the only sounds that indicate his presence, for the first while. The fog of our colliding dreams mingled into an opaqueness that obscured what each of us saw in turn - but just around the bend in the river I think I glimpse a mother and a child, colourful and red - but the happy image is tainted with an aura of pain and desperate longing. I look away from it, eyes straining to find the lost soul wander amidst this dreamscape.
My name is Hephaestus, comes his words - and as they fade into the void between us, I see him more wholly, though the vision remains yet blurred. Perhaps it is because we are not close in the real world - but just close enough for this chance encounter to tether and bind the sinews of our mental selves together, even just momentarily. For a moment can last an eternity, should you dream it so.
"I'm Kagerus," comes my answer, and I step closer to him. The fog trembles around us as if with life, and I realize that my sleeping body must be fumbling through the river, sleep walking towards this Hephaestus as commanded by the way my dreamself wants to put the man into perspective. As of now, he is but a black figure, blurred, especially around his face.
"Your dreams are not happy," I allow quietly, searching for his eyes in the shadowed obscurity of his face. "Why is that?" A strange tone enters my voice that I've not heard before, child-like and wanting and timidly curious. My nose reaches for his, but where solid touch should occur, I feel only the slightest sensation, like the wind against my skin. Perhaps he will feel more; perhaps not...
Suddenly shifted, his gaze follows the shadow of herself as she Wade's within the white caped water. To him, she is revealed and confident in herself as she attempts to assemble the pieces of him. For the first time, the black stud realizes the control he has within the drowsily laced world. He did not wish for her to see him - the truth of him. The volnurability of their connection was startling to him and he felt his skin itch with the force of it.
As her words filled up the space within him, his eyes remained locked onto her as she exited the shallows and made her way closer to him. Focused more upon her tone rather than her spoken words he backed away instinctively.
Kagerus she named herself and he felt his ears notch themselves forward in curiousity.
She could sense the depth of his sadness and she wasted no time in inquiring upon it. Her forwardness took him by surprise but he remained still as she reached her nose towardtowards him. Frozen, he contemplated allowing the gesture but he quickly decided against it - pulling his unsightly presence away from her.
Finally at a safe distance he decided to answer her question. "I have much to grieve, Kagerus."
He steps away from me, up the bank of the river as if my approach can somehow be construed as threatening. My brow furrows to see this, but I do not stop; I recognize the fact that he is in control of how I am perceiving him, and this grace I've allowed him is enough without me also stopping a river's-distance away.
But his ears - they flick forward, and I do not miss that, either.
As the very ends of my whiskers come against the black shadow of where his nose ought to be, the stallion pulls back; so very unassuming, shy, quiet. A part of me longs desperately for such a collected and internal soul to come home with me, even though there must be some reason for his cloaked appearance and unwillingness to be touched. But as I remember Ilma after she'd been raped, I somehow feel that Hyaline must be filled with men who would protect us from their lesser members.
But I am not here to talk about rape right now.
I have much to grieve, Kagerus. "I can make it better, for a few hours," comes my voice, honeyed and genuine. "It's not a permanent solution but - I want to help. And in return, you can visit me in Hyaline... In the real world, and not... here." Around us, the water in the river turns into a bed of vibrant wild flowers, as if the dreamscape is intent on emphasizing its input in this exchange. Hopeful, I listen for Hephaestus' answer.
The strange mare persisted, her aura radiated as one of gentleness and peace despite his own shortcomings. Still strategically angled he watched as her eyes traced along the shadowed remnants of his face, a temporary mask to hide his shame. With her eyes fixed elsewhere he took his opportunity to make a study of them. Deep within their soft brown flaming embers of a past almost forgotten simmered. Hypnotized by things beyond his understanding he tore himself away, afraid of getting lost within a reality too complicated for him to fully comprehend.
Her voice touches him, gentle fingertips as they reach into his mind with an offer outstretched. She wanted to help him, he knew, but he considered himself far beyond her capabilities. In return for her favor she wished for him to return with her to Hyaline. His thoughts instantly turn to Solace, he held great respect for the winged queen and he thought upon their previous encounter fondly. For some time, he considered Hyaline to be the only kingdom to which he could fully belong. Perhaps he could…
Suddenly, the world around them shifted once more as the water transformed from its previous white capped rapids to a lovely bed of wild flowers. The place was eerily familiar to Hephaestus as he wandered a few steps away from Kagerus. The meadow, the trees that dotted the landscape and the way that the sun shone through berry bushes.
He was home.
The hill before him jutted out from the earth almost as though it had been molded to do so. Strangely out of place amongst the otherwise flattened landscape, within it’s shadow lay a beautiful black mare. His mother.
Pain rippled through her belly as a contraction tightened its hold upon her. Breathing heavily, her eyes closed against the strain, concentrated lines formed upon her brow. Intent, Hephaestus inched closer knowing all too well the events that were about to transpire. With one final heave, the mare named Theodosia pushed a small gangly creature out into the world. A smile lit up her face as her eyes shot open in anticipation. Frozen a lump gathered in his throat as he watched the joyous expression fade quickly to shock and horror. Partially concealed by the grass, Hephaestus didn’t have to strain to know the vision that she saw.
Ugly and deformed her newborn writhed as he tried to stand. Only moment old his beautiful brown eyes stared up at her, full of love, longing and trust. Shifting slightly a new figure materialized beside Theodosia. Disgust immediately marred his features. His words were garbled and yet Hephaestus remembered them as if he had only just heard them for the first time. “What is that…thing?” he had demanded hatefully. His mother hadn’t even attempted to rise up in his defense.
Backing away suddenly Hephaestus shook his head, the reality of what would come next almost too painful for him to bare. “No,” He begged, his voice cracking with emotion. “Please, no!”
Watching in horror, he stood powerless as the father attacked his son. Tearing into the helpless foal the newborns screams filled his ears. Trembling, Hephaestus fell to his knees. Sobs wracking his body as he was forced to relieve the darkest moment of his past.
Break My Shackles To Set Me Free
@[Kagerus] that was exhausting and took a turn that I did not expect. I hope you don't mind the wordsplosion that just happened.
He doesn't answer me, nor does he reveal to me his face. The rest of him has slowly come into perspective, solidifying into a black horse, Fresian and scarred in places. I long to speak more, to press an answer from him with gentle, soft hands. But I can tell that his mind is drifting, and I do not interrupt, accepting my role as spectator during this strange, unexpected interaction.
As his legs move him into the bed of flowers mindlessly, I take the opportunity to dissolve into a transparent mist. A moment of horror fills me as I remember the last time I'd taken this form to watch from all angles as another's memories played out - but it hadn't been this form that'd allowed the demon Oblivion into this world. It had been him, and his power over me. Reassuring myself of this, I allow my eyeless nature to understand all that happens around Hephaestus, silencing any internal thoughts I might have.
A mother gives birth, not unusually, not the way I had. My stomach twangs with a furious envy at the in depth sight of this mare in the throes of labor, and for a moment, the transparency of my shape turns a blood red. But I force myself to control these bitter emotions, throwing the thought of my own son away as guilt rushes in to consume my thoughts like a typhoon would an island. I threw away my child just as much as I know this mare will hers; and knowing that, and being the one allowing Hephaestus to have these memories... I need to be sick.
There's a stallion - he does not like the way that his son looks. With a suddenness that I'd never expect, he rears up and aims to kill, hooves pointed towards the helpless bag of mismatched flesh as if somehow it'd been his fault. My figure shifts and shatters as horror pervades me, thoughts of myself long forgotten as the scene plays out.
In a snap, I change everything - and a moment later, we are awake, side by side, breathless and crying and pathetic.
My eyes blink open, and before me stands a whole stallion, without deformation or scars. He is handsome - no, beautiful - and I cannot help but to impulsively press myself to his massive, comforting side. I'm shaking with tears, even though it should be him. But I cannot help but to see the parallels - and in an instant, I know that I must change my ways before it is too late to reclaim my son, as his parents failed to reclaim him.
"This is how I see you," I choke messily into the thick of his winter fur. "Even when my magic fades - this is how I see you." I do not explain, knowing that he will catch sight of his reflection without my prompting. "What they did, Hephaestus - what they did does not dictate who you are now. You are allowed to move past their transgressions. There is no one to tell you otherwise."
Pressing my lips to the underside of his jaw with a strong squeeze of my eyes to clear them of tears, I breathe in his scent a last time before stepping away. "Please, come see me in Hyaline. My wife and I - Solace and I - we as Caretakers of that land want more than anything to help you heal. It is what Hyaline does best - and you deserve to heal, my friend." My nutmeg eyes shimmer passionately into his, and I inhale as if to say more - but instead, I turn away, leaving him to admire my handiwork, and to mull over all that I've said to his fractured mind.
@[Hephaestus] Hope you don't mind that I wrapped this up, I had tons of fun and I think that this was exactly the character development you were going for. <3
Eyes closed he is reduced to nothing but a shadowed heap in the field of flowers. His body jerks with the force of his sobs as tears stream into the crevices of his deformity. For well over a year he had done his best to keep his mind from reliving the horrifying truth of his parents’ hatred for him. For the majority of his life he’d been forced to live on the outskirts of society, never accepted and never knowing how it felt to be loved. As a colt it’d been hard to him to understand their abandonment and he held on to the hope that one day they would change their minds as welcome him as their son.
That day never came, and the reality of his existence had weighed heavily upon his heart.
Revisiting the very first moments of his life had done little to console him. Instead, it had served to cement a belief that he’d held close to his heart.
He felt the shift rather than saw it and, as the wind settled he opened his eyes, blinking away the heat of his tears. The mare, now fully revealed to him, was crying breathlessly effected by the image he had inadvertently shared with her. Stilling herself he waited patiently as she composed herself. Gazing upon him an image appears within his head. The horse he sees is a stranger to him, though he knew that she meant it to represent himself. Tall and black and proud he stood as a perfect representation of the Friesian race. He is breathtaking beautiful with two brown eyes that glisten with pride. Hephaestus’ heart ached with the realization that he could never mirror the individual she’d showed him. For a moment he is insulted, curious as to why she would show him something that could never be, but then she is pressing herself against him. Her embrace is comforting, and he submits to it, sensing that the gesture was just as much for her as it was for him.
Her face is buried into his neck as she speaks and, even though he knows there is truth to her words, they fill him with an emptiness. He’d lived his life constantly trying to separate himself from the hate shown to him by his parents. He’d taught himself to love, to trust and to accept himself. He found those things difficult and every day he reminded himself to keep trying – to keep moving forward. Even when the voices told him that he was worthless, that he didn’t deserve to be loved, he’d chosen to push them away and focus on the good he’d discovered about himself. There was still a long journey ahead of him but he was determined to try.
As her voice faded he was unsure if he should thank her or if he should let his silence speak for itself. Her next, however, completely surprise him. She wants him to return with her to Hyaline, the land that he had loved from the moment he’d fist visited it. He reimagined the towering peaks and breathtaking views and he felt the familiar tugging of his heart.
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