"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
She did not only enjoy the idea of having a home again, she did feel at home too. Not because she liked foresty areas and Taiga was like the forest in that matter, but because she remembers. Terran had been right, Taiga had always been her home. Almost always, since the Reckoning it had been.
It feels like she hadn’t been away, like the Beqannan fairy hadn’t interfered. Except the land was now empty. Not empty in the way that nobody passed through or maybe even lived here, but the kingdom she once had been part of was no more. Ruan, Polaris, Circinae and all the others, all gone. No, not all gone. Both Terran and Ander had never left her side, though Jinju was still very oblivious to who they both were to her. Other than her beloved caretakers.
”Terran!” she calls, asking for his attention, turning a little to the side and bending her neck to look back at him. Her twinkling ruby eyes catch his black and golden form with ease and she cannot help it but to grin at him widely. Jinju enjoyed to spend time with the older stallion, to see him smile at her felt right and she would be lying if she would say she didn’t like it. That only made her re-exploring of Taiga better. ”Let’s go that way” she suggests once he is standing beside her.
She had grown a lot, though compared to Terran and Ander’s massive forms she still has a long way to go. Not only in height, but also in with. Being one and a half year old didn’t give her body the most charming and appealing build, and her always thin summer coat didn’t hide anything either. Not that Jinju was ever bothered by the cold, it simply didn’t get to her. "I think there is a clearing ahead of us.”
“Jinju!” I sing back, never far from her side now that we’ve decided Taiga will be home again. Ander is busy practising - or, at least that’s what I hope he’s up to … being that he’s nearly a grown stallion it’s not my place to question his whereabouts anymore. Ander loved us both and he’d never disappeared without a trace so I find it easy to relax and spend time with my girl.
My girl … I think as we pace along, eager to let her take the lead as she directs us both where she’d like to go. Jinju is growing fast; a black weed that almost matches me at the shoulder and soon, a woman grown. Not so much a girl anymore. “I’ve been meaning to ask if any memories have come back since we got here.” I ask her, trying hard to brush aside the tight knot that forms in my chest.
I push ahead, forking my wings out above us to clear the overhang of limbs so that we can take a step through. “You know, if you have any questions about Ander and I, about who we are to you … I can always answer them.” I tell her, wondering if she’ll be able to sense the tension to my voice. I guess I’d been worried that everything would come back to her overnight - that she’d wake up screaming in confusion or spewing hateful words to me about going missing for a while, or giving Heda a chance.
All around these golden beacons, I see nothing but black
It is so easy, so natural, to match her step to his once Terran has caught up. Ever since they had gotten back home a smile had been stuck to her lips most of the time. Today isn’t an exception to that, not until a more touchy subject is brought up. Jinju’s walk falters and for a moment she just stands still, looking ahead where Terran stands.
Time is a strange thing. It feels like seconds tick by, that she silently stands there lost in thought for hours, while in reality it is only a very short moment. ”Some have..” she eventually murmurs in reply, her ruby eyes glancing away from Terran’s black and golden form. She hadn’t yet brought it up, partially because Jinju doesn’t know how to, but also because of she’s afraid what she might learn. Simple things could easily become very complicated.
A soft sigh and then she’s walking again, slowly crossing the distance between them as she catches up. Her muzzle brushes over his shoulder, then she hesitantly reaches out to his wings. ”I.. was there when you grew them, was I not?” she murmurs softly as her muzzle gently touches the golden feathers. Her lips twitch ever so slightly, then her ruby gaze moves to meet his amber one.
This was an easy start, this they could talk about safely, right? Jinju hoped they could, there was no way back now. But she’s not yet ready to learn about more things that had popped up in her thoughts over the last couple of weeks. Like Ruan and Reagan, for example.
It’s hard for her - I can see it so plainly on the conflicted panes of her dark face. I don’t begrudge her the feeling though, I personally have no idea how I would feel going through the experience of death only to be rudely awakened into a new life. All I know is that it was something short of a blessing that she’d not recovered her memories immediately; what a horrible shock it would’ve been.
But does that lessen the pain of them returning? I can’t know and, from her strained reply, it would seem heartache, disappointment, and regret were all just as fresh and unfortunate as the first time she’d lived through them. “I see.” I tell her in short reply, nodding solemnly while waiting patiently for her to continue. In a surprise turn Jinju draws nearer to me, flowing on legs that seem unsure but with a confidence I’d not seen in many years.
Her mouth, which had once stroked me with passionate longing and whispered things a child would certainly never say, still elicits the same jolt of unexpected electricity when it toys with my wings. “It was your playful fire that exposed them, that’s right.” I answer, smiling through the haze of worry and concern. It was touching that these were some of her newer memories - they were some of our best, before Ander had been born.
“I felt the same about you now that I did back then,” I chuckle softly, the gold of my gaze clashing with the red in her own, “I thought, I’ve never met a creature like her and I don’t think I ever will again, and that was true - so very, very true.” I tell her, extending my pale nose out to brush against her cheek.
“No matter what you remember, good or bad,” I say, almost in a rush with the urgency of telling her - she had to hear it, she had to understand - “you should always know that I love you, Jinju. I always will.”
All around these golden beacons, I see nothing but black
To remember things you never experienced, yet did experience at the same time, was one thing. Being aware that you only remembered half of it was even worse. Almost as bad as knowing that your memory is failing you. On top of that, it confuses Jinju too. She knows she is missing memories, memories that are still locked away somewhere in her mind, but she doesn’t yet know what exactly. Who else might she have met in the past? What relationships was she lacking?
And perhaps even more important, what exactly was her relationship with Terran?
She is reluctant to pull away, wanting to let her touch linger a little longer. Jinju is selfish like that. The sparkling gold keeps her entertained and she cannot help but to wonder how wonderful they would look when light was cast upon them in the right way. Or how they would shine whenever they were wet, would the droplets reflect their golden color? So many questions, yet she doesn’t have the answers to them. Speaking about light, Terran’s words make her look up, frowning. ”My fire?” she repeats softly. She did remember seeing the black and golden stallion grow his wings, but she does not remember the fire.
Like she has yet to remember what had blossomed between them. Her ruby eyes never leave his, Terran holds her full attention as he confesses to her – is that what it is? It flusters her, and makes her stomach flutter, both in a good way. Like she’s being courted all over. Well, Jinju guessed that was what it was.
She doesn’t attempt to interrupt him; one, she doesn’t know what to say and two, she wants to hear what he tells her. He loves her. Terran loves her. They’d been lovers? Before whatever happened to her happened? Jinju shudders, but does not look away. Suddenly things make a whole lot more sense too. The way she felt so comfortable around him, but also the amount of love and care she received when she’d been oblivious to everything.
”You love me.” She does not repeat his words as in a question, but as a solid fact. One she believes too. ”And I loved… love you.” Another fact. Because she does. And Jinju had never been the one to dance around the main thing. Boldly she presses even more forward. It is not like she hadn’t been at his side before, but it is different, because she knows. She is still too young, still hadn’t recovered enough of her memories, to know and feel desire. But love, yes, that she does know. Teenage love, but love nonetheless.
Her ruby eyes are still locked on Terran’s amber ones. She’s torn, hesitant to reach out and explore, and yet wanting his touch. Jinju wants to explore that what he is offering her, even if it is confusing. But, perhaps that was why. Perhaps they were meant to recover her lost memories together, and then continue to discover what the future holds for them.
Jinju
“My sun is set to rise again.”
OOC: Sorry XD. I wrote so much and yet nothing at the same time.
There’s a lot of silence following what I’ve said.
Silence: heaping, awkward tons of it that anchor my hooves to the soil and add at least a hundred more pounds to my already overweight wings. Jinju is fumbling for the right thing to say, (I was an idiot to push her so suddenly; what the fuck was wrong with me?) and I can do little but hope that she won’t be entirely disgusted by the admission. Internally it’d felt alright - an over-inflated balloon sort of feeling but alright, nonetheless. That doesn’t mean that I don’t immediately regret saying it, especially when she chokes out a confused response.
Not exactly what I’d imagined, but I’m just grateful it hasn’t turned catastrophic. Her adorable ruby eyes are looking to me now, searching for some sense of direction or comfort and I step readily to the action, sweeping away the momentary tension with a playful nudge against her dark nose. “Hey,” I say at first, quick to turn all seriousness into playful banter, “Don’t worry so much about it. I just wanted you to know, that’s all.” I laugh, releasing her from any moral obligations she might’ve been clinging to.
“Let’s head this way.” I nod, turning away from her upturned (and pitifully hopeful) face in favor of winding through the lichen-draped woodlands. “Does any of this seem familiar to you?” I ponder aloud, seeing the difference between the old, established forest and this new, sapling grove with every passing glance. Somehow Taiga seems less treacherous and more inviting without her haunting shadows and her eerie fog.
All around these golden beacons, I see nothing but black
His reaction isn’t one she had been expecting. He confessed to her and she confessed her love in return. Weren’t they supposed to snuggle up and be all lovely dovely together? To touch and exchange heated touches and just be together. That is what happened in all cheesy, soap like, romances she’d witnessed. Or thought she’d witnessed in the past. In either this life or her previous one.
Anyway, what Jinju had expected to happen, doesn’t. And the black girl isn’t sure if she’s relieved that she has a way out, or if she is disappointed, because somewhere deep down she’d wanted it.
”Hey!” she calls out a little huffy, scrunching her nose a couple of times after the gentle bump. She does not have time to complain, nor time to worry about her previous internal conflict. His laugh is contagious and Jinju soon finds herself grinning back at him. His playful banter adding to her own.
He doesn’t need to tell her that twice. As he turns away from her she prances to catch up, with the intention to passing by Terran to take the lead, but not without a little payback of her own. Jinju is grinning when she rears alongside him, and reaches out to playfully tug on his mane. After that, she’s quick to take off. Grinning and pretty content with herself.
She prances a couple of steps ahead and then slows to a walk. Curious ruby eyes glance around and both her ears pin forward as she studies all. The redwood trees looked the same wherever they went, and yet, they were familiar. So she nods, glancing back to smile at Terran. ”I think the clearing is ahead” she tells him as she bounces a couple of times, then she darts off.
Right, left, right, left, avoiding any and all trees in her way as she trots through Taiga. Her head is held high, and her thick black tail gently sways with her steps. Jinju is enjoying their little trip, and her quality time with Terran. And re-exploring Taiga is as coming home. Suddenly she comes to a stop, panting and beaming as she turns into the direction Terran would probably come from. ”Can we go there?”
It pains me to realize that I may not be the one to offer her a shoulder of comfort in her later years. Phoenix immortality … what a gift! Jinju will come to know a thousand deaths and furthermore, a thousand new lives and I … well, I’ll be her first.
For me, that’s good enough.
“Hey!” She cries indignantly, the sound of her voice all I need as reassurance that I haven’t upset her too much. It’s a relief - I’m battling so much with what to say or do around her that sometimes, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. But she’s in a playful enough mood, this much is evident by the way she’s quick to catch up with me.
Her teeth grasp my mane, tug a little bit, and I choose to join in by hopping slightly and stamping a forehoof down in playful retaliation. Together we prance; black, gold, and red in a handsome pair as the forest sends us in one direction and then the other. I’m at her mercy - following wherever seems familiar to her, letting her rediscover a place once forgotten. It’s entrancing enough, watching the way her ruby eyes roam over our home, the way her gait is light and airy. She seems at peace therefore, so am I.
“We can go anywhere you like! This place belongs to everyone now.” I laugh, picking up a swift trot to close the distance between us. “But I can’t stay too long, love. Aunt Titanya is expecting us … I should probably begin to look for her.” I admit once I’ve reached her. My tempo slows, the arch of my pale lips reaching out to tap Jinju gently against her silky croupe.
I didn’t want to leave her, but I knew that I must.
All around these golden beacons, I see nothing but black
Jinju watched Ander practise and Jinju was quite familiar with Terran’s wings, but it has not yet occurred that she is gifted too. Even if she has, the slowly regaining memories and things told to her by Ander and Terran were enough to deal with right now. Learning how to control her gift would require her full attention.
Attention she now focusses on Terran. Her laugher fills the air as she darts past him after her little tug on his mane, avoiding his stamping hooves. Her ruby eyes twinkle in delight, enjoying this carefree game. She runs ahead of him, but never attempting to stray away from his side too far. Jinju wants him close, even though she doesn’t understand what is binding them together. So she makes sure to glance back at him from time to time, grinning widely every time their gazes meet.
They went everywhere she liked. She doesn’t remember all, nor does she remember the sapling trees. Her legs carry her around, without visiting any particular places, until they end up at the little clearing. By the time Jinju halts, she’s panting. Her curious inspection of the place allows Terran to catch up to her. His words couldn’t have caused a more conflicted reaction from her. ”She’s coming?” For that Jinju is excited, but she doesn’t want him to leave at the same time either.
She hasn’t missed how Terran had said that he should go look for her, there was no us or them in his words, only Terran himself. For a moment she watches him, her dark head tilting to the side causing her forelock to follow the movement and revealing her star. ”Can I come too?” After all, they were all family, right?
