"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
"Warrick"
She breaths his name softly and it echoes between the dripping water and unnaturally warm passage walls. Tang treads carefully through the gloom of a dark hall, a path she has traveled many times before, and her steps are soft as she enters the space which is nearly sacred to her.
In the grotto shes him, the father of her children, her lover. "I thought I may find you here." Her words are smooth and low, there is no need to speak loudly in the volcano's belly. Tang's eyes find the blue of his, they are brilliant even in the twilight of their shared space. For the first time in what seems like far too long they are alone, and she approaches him with the familiarity of a trusted companion. This man has never done her wrong, never given her a harsh word, and only ever fostered her unruly spirit. She had learned to trust him years ago and he had never broken that trust.
She finds her place at his side where she comfortably fits and where she belongs today - giving a content sigh. After becoming a mother, she had come to see value in peace where she had only valued excitement before. "Solace and Svedka seem content, don't you think? Solace could come to love kingdom life, as you do, I think."
The twins would soon be yearlings. Svedka, in particular, had an independent streak and she liked for them to go off and learn to think for themselves. But using her quiet moment to talk about her children did not strike her as odd - they were what she was most proud of. And besides, she always found that Warrick was just as eager to discuss the details of their lives as she was.
Tephra had grown since Warrick’s arrival within its humid landscape nearly three years ago and the navy and bay stallion has grown with it. Once a young and lost boy, utterly alone and desperately searching for meaning and purpose in a world that had left him without a family, he now finds himself surrounded immensely with a family of his own creation – friends, children, (a once figment of his imagination now come to fruition, giving him more purpose than ever before) and a type of love he had never known. He is no longer wayward and doubtful, but courageous and thoughtful, altogether humble and loyal to his kingdom. He is different than he was before, and his confidence exudes from each crevice of his muscled and winged body.
He stands beneath the steam and mist of their hidden grotto, the heat sweltering and thick against his skin. She knew to find him here, as when his duties and responsibilities become too much, this is where he will be. His thoughts are rambled and uncertain, but as she comes to stand beside him, nestled to his side as she has done so many times before, a perfect fit against him, his worries fade and a rattling sigh of genuine comfort leaves his navy lips.
Her voice is as sultry and smooth as the air around them, filling the cavern and his mind. His eyes find hers, lingering in their golden irises. “They are the best thing to have happened to us,” he murmurs, his voice robust as it leaves navy lips. She mentions Solace and he cannot help but smile as he tosses his head lightly. “I’m sure she would love nothing more. Svedka is an another story – I’m sure he will never settle down, at least not right away.” He pauses, noting how alike their son and his mother truly are. “It’s funny, how different they are – but their bond is strong.” he admits with a gentle grin.
Warrick’s body becomes uneasy suddenly, now rustling his feathers out of nervous habit and not in a way that he normally uses to encourage and comfort his children, as well as Tang herself.
With all that has happened – the twins, Hyaline, Nayl, his new title – the winged bay had forced himself to forget that soon Tang will leave (as she must) once again, his heart stirring a bit uncomfortably in his chest at the thought. The stallion reaches down to brush his lips gently across Tang’s golden cheek, alighting a kiss there that lasts only a moment before he pulls away, lingering on her skin momentarily before bringing his chin to his chest.
A smile, soft and a bit forlorn, graces the navy color of Warrick’s lips as his eyes follow the small waterfalls of steaming water, then to Tang.
Their time together as a family is waning, and he can feel it. Svedka and Solace must soon decide for themselves what path they may take, and Tang will be heading to Hyaline soon as winter leaves Beqanna. It frightens him, but he does not let it show – but the looming idea that he could perhaps be alone again quite soon shakes him to his core.
“Tang,” he says quietly, carefully. “How are you?” He presses closer to her now, his intense blue gaze searching hers. Kaiode’s sudden death had been somewhat of taboo for the moment, and though he dare not speak the young foal’s name, he is genuinely worried for his lover’s wellbeing.
In the quiet and cozy warmth of the grotto Tang nearly forgets her unrest. It's easy to do when she is comfortably tucked at his side.
But Warrick always knew- and the year they had spent together had only heightened his intuition. He could read her when she thought herself unreadable and nearly smell the uneasiness when it began to simmer in her chest.
It always happened gradually- the unrest never sprung on her in a day. But she could feel its shadow when the monotony of motherhood became the thickest. She loved her children, she would die for them, but sometimes she savored nothing more than the daydream of running away for the day. That filled her with guilt.
And then he gives her that forlorn smile, just as she is becoming lost in her thoughts, and she crumbles. He could tear down her feeble defenses without even meaning to.
Warrick always made Tephra feel like home, for a time. And he had done it for an entire year. She truly had been happy and content for the first few seasons - but now as the twins grew older and less needy she found herself dreaming of someplace new too often. "They don't need me now," she lied to herself.
But she had promised to never lie to him.
Kaiode. The name which haunts her, the little foal never had a chance to become something more.
"I miss-read my dream," she says as a way of an explanation for her poorly masked melancholy. "I knew a colt was in danger that day, but I chose to follow Svedka." Her throat feels thick and the words scape along reluctantly. "I should have warned Rou, at the very least. He loves that boy. I just assumed Svedka would be the one to get himself into trouble." Loves, not loved, he will always love that boy. "I did them all wrong." My assumption got a child killed.
Despite the solitude of their space, the words are difficult for her to say - even if she had already thought them hundreds of times. Solace's involvement only makes the burden heavier. That day had placed a scar across the young girl's heart that would never truly fade. Solace refused to process the incident with her mother.
Tang carried baggage which hindered the conversation and made it difficult to be the clear thinking supporter her child needed. But as Warrick had affirmed, her daughter was closely bonded to her brother - and her father. Those bonds would see her through. Her mother was useless in her time of need, and that cut Tang deep.
She would gladly take the blame if that made Solace's burden lighter, and in her mind she already had. Tangerine had so easily fallen into the role of the comforter with other, yet with her own daughter, she struggled to find the right words.
Tang’s sudden quietness does not go unnoticed by him, and from beneath a concerned brow his eyes grow soft as her voice and demeanor dims, pensively wondering what could be going on in that beautiful mind of hers. He snorts softly, hoping to perhaps catch her eye, but her focus is elsewhere, her mind not with him. The look she wears is familiar; he does the same when his heart wanders through the sky and stars, still aching and hoping that his family will one day return.
He hadn’t known the adopted colt well. The sweet Kaiode had not been on his list of priorities, despite how happy the young child made Tangerine and his children. He regrets it now; he had not tried his best for the now departed colt, and in a way feels as if he cannot support Tang in the way that she truly needs to process this grim affair. Perhaps Warrick would not have even known about the incident, had he not seen Solace and Svedka coming up from the rocks, his daughter with bloodied knees and his carefree son suddenly shaken. His daughter is not the same – forever changed by the experience and Warrick had immediately noticed her change in demeanor. Perhaps she could discuss it with him (surely they were old enough now for such a serious, trying conversation?), and her burdens could be lifted, even if only somewhat, by allowing her father to carry the weight of grief, too.
Warrick says nothing as her confession tumbles forth from her lips, the honey-gold of her eyes searching the darkness and mist around them as if their surroundings somehow held an answer. Steadfast and sure, he remains sturdy beside her delicate frame, a stronghold amidst the turbulent storm that crashes into her.
“You did best by you,” he murmurs into her ear, his navy lips pressing gentle kisses onto her temple and cheek bone, his voice gentle and smooth against the slight hiss of steam that billows all around them. “No matter what you did that day, the outcome would have been the same. You are not expected to change the future that you are given to see.” He stops, his words catching in his throat as a hard lump lodges itself there. He swallows hard, tenderly brushing her tri-colored mane and forelock away from the gentle sloping angles of her painted face.
The stallion glances upwards, the vaulted ceiling of damp rock and stone before them completely blocking out any glimpse into the outside world. Warrick, however, could already picture the stars and constellations that are forming just outside of their quiet sanctuary, numerous in number and brilliant in display. “Maybe,” he breathes shakily, his feathers quaking against his auburn flesh, “my mother has a son again.”
There is a moment of silence that is comfortable but daunting, swelling and growing as minutes pass within their tiny, cozy grotto.
Finally, he speaks.
“You must go to him?” He doesn’t mean for it to be question, but he cannot help the way his voice lilts at the end of his statement. Of course she must go, he already knows the answer; but he wonders if he cannot draw out her leave, convince her that just maybe for a few more hours, they could stay here in their quiet haven, where nothing bad could happen to them.
turn your face to the sun - let the shadows fall behind us
His gentle touches are a balm on a fatal wound. But they soothe, and they make the inevitable seem less pressing. She savors the electricity he creates on the curve brow as she always has. It was easy to give in during moments like this, but she knew come dawn when they are parted and he attended to his duties (As he must!) she would be back to where she was before- restless and gazing out across the ocean. Again, Tangerine reminds herself of this as she draws strength and warmth from his side, taking what she was used to giving.
"It's a cruel trick, isn't it." Tang's question is a statement as her eyes flutter open, her momentary trance broken. "To have such power and be helpless - unable to help." But as he glances to the heavens beyond the ceiling of the cave, she can't help but hope his words are true. Even if, upon inspection, she finds the true cause of her anxiety is the damage which has been done to Rou and Solace. The little colt's troubles were over, yet still, there was always regret to spare when a life ends far, far, too early.
Then silence stretches between them, and inevitably both of their minds wander back to goodbye. But she is not prepared for the words which fall between them.
"It is not him I got to..." Her fragile defense trails off as she has nothing else to suggest. She wants to tell him that is not all of it. Amet! It was not just another man that pulled away from the domestic peace of their family, away from this man who filled her cracks with love and understanding, as she did his, and out into the unknown.
It was not that simple.
That was the root of her weed, she didn't even know what was drawing her away, she could not formulate an explanation because it didn't make sense.
That was her tragedy- she had all that she should ever want, yet she was not satiated.
But in the quiet moments alone Tangerine could picture every day from this one until her death is she stayed here. She was too young for that. No king could give her duties to fulfill her, she had to seek her own adventure and write her own story.
But that doesn't mean her heart isn't breaking.
"Maybe this is the last time." she smiles a smile the doesn't reach her eyes. Maybe I won't always be this way.
Why can't she just accept that this is her happy ending?
Goodbyes were becoming too difficult - she couldn't continue with this ritual. Her life had become a series of goodbyes and last nights together. And she was finding she was not as strong as she had believed herself to be when she first left the happy plains of her homeland.
A rattling sigh leaves him, one that is nearly a shudder as it shakes through him, the velveteen feathers at his sides shuffling against her pale and honey-gold strewn body as well as the auburn of his own. The wings settle against his flank and withers, broad and strong and beautifully blue in the quiet darkness of the underground, and he wishes his mind would settle too. How is it that they have found themselves here again, each goodbye becoming more painful than the last, more daunting and nearly unfair in its departure. Maybe he must always find himself here, stuck between a place where he is needed and a place where he wish he could be. Perhaps Tang feels it too (a bit differently, but felt all the same). Maybe she also feels like she is stretched thin, like butter over too much bread, pulled in so many directions that it is impossible to see which one is the true course, the true path.
With a silent understanding that they have always had in the years they have known each other, Warrick understands that even though her wild heart calls her elsewhere, that reluctance fills every curve of her body and every bone that holds her steady. The fact that she has stayed this long is perhaps too much to have even been asked of her, but she had done it – dutifully and wonderfully. But it is not the children which hold her back – children are meant to leave their mothers and fathers, to venture out into the unknown and maybe never return. It is him that causes her to hesitate, and deep down he knows this.
The bay stallion swallows hard the breath he hadn’t known he had been holding in his throat, her soft voice reverberating off the stony walls that surround them. He closes his eyes in almost a wince.
It is not him I go to…”
Her voice trails off and a pang of guilt threads through him, his navy lips pressing together tightly as his jawline clenches. Of course it’s not Amet; how could he even ask her that?
“Maybe this will be the last time.”
“Tang.” He says surely, almost interrupting her as he does so. He is selfish; she is not his possession and though he has never seen her as that, he suddenly feels as if he has demeaned her, playing her off as a simple object that is here for his happiness alone. She has done more for him than could ever dreamed of receiving from anyone, and his simple question has only added to the pain she feels. The shame is a bitter taste in his mouth, sour with guilt. “The timing is impeccable. Take Svedka with you, he could use the change in scenery.” A hint of a smile is on his voice, but it does not reach his eyes. “So could you,” he murmurs honestly, his eyes finally opening and turning to gaze at her. “Solace will flourish here, under my care.”
He presses his cobalt lips against the whiteness of her slender neck, inhaling deeply and savoring every detail of her. “Go,” he breathes into her skin, his voice calm and sweet and encouraging, “I will be here when you return.” A kiss alights on her flesh before he pulls away, stark blue eyes glazed with a certain sadness. “For we never break our promises.” A gentle reminder for them both; he will always be here and she will always return.
