[open] here i am, i'm not really there [any]

[eddie]

don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

“Come back once you’ve made some effort in making a mark in the world you’re living in now.”

What does that even mean?

Five years on this planet and he’s never really given any thought to what to do with the rest of his time. Now it seems that he’s going to have to figure something out if he’s ever going to ascend the mountain again to plead his case before its jury, to see his dream come to fruition.

The forest is closest, so he heads there once dismissed by the fairy, head swimming with questions and possibilities. Though nothing will ever change the deep affection he carries for his family and their bonds, now he wonders if he should have tried harder to forge connections outside of their tightly knit nucleus.

Everything had come easily when he was still so young.. fun, laughter, friends. Everything. But then death came to steal his smile, his carefree extroversion, his innocence.

He always had (and still does) yearned for companionship, but since that day, maintaining any kind of relationship had become an insurmountable obstacle in his path. He could always sense that he created problems where none existed, yet he never seemed to be able to stop himself before things exploded in his face.

Make a mark in the world..

To do so, he knows that the first step is to try again on the social scene. Always a difficult task, it seems even more daunting now that he is far from the comfort of his home. His strange eyes take in the scene before him, envy flooding his system as he witnesses others interacting so painlessly.

He could approach someone, but something roots his feet to the ground and he stands there gracelessly, silently willing a face to turn toward him, to save him the dread of making a fool of himself.

EDDIE

for Ian

image by hel-gi

[stevie]

you knew it still hurts under my scars
From when they pulled me apart

Stevie cannot begin to comprehend the sadness of others.

The young woman has lived through her fair share of loneliness and hurt, but she has never let it drive her to sadness or depression. She had witnessed her mother beating her sister near to death, then turn those seafoam eyes on her as if daring her to step a toe out of line. The witch had yearned to tear into her daughter’s flesh, to find the monster lurking beneath the surface, but Stevie isn’t like her twin. Eva had been shifting almost uncontrollably since being born; Stevie’s shifts are much less common, and her mother has never seen the demon burst from her skin.

Even Stevie is unfamiliar with the monster under her skin.

Most days for the girl are all the same - stay awake until dawn, sleep through the sunlight hours, and remain awake throughout the night. She tends to keep herself fairly isolated since abandoning her twin, but could anyone blame her? Eva’s shifts were terrifying and uncontrollable, and the girl would come out of them shaking and sobbing and begging for forgiveness. Eventually, Stevie had been forced to leave her sister behind, as much as it had broken her heart. And still, she doesn’t let the sadness settle. It is but a fleeting feeling, she would tell herself, and like everything else, the emotion had faded.

Her eyes are heavy as dusk approaches, but she shakes off the looming possibility of sleep and weaves her way through the forest. She had found herself unable to rest for a long period through the daylight hours, and exhaustion looms as the sunlight begins to fade. She needs to find a more populated area, to force herself to stay awake through the night; the demon sings to her as she moves, and she knows that resting for too long will be to surrender control of her body.

She doesn’t want to awaken in the morning with no memory of the night before.

So focused on her journey, she doesn’t notice the grullo stallion until she rounds a tree and nearly stumbles into him. “Sorry,” she mutters, and goes to move along, but she glances up and her seafoam eyes meet his blue ones that appear so troubled. So she doesn’t leave but tips her head curiously, her shaggy forelock nearly falling into her eyes. “Are you alright?”

— Stevie

@eddie

[eddie]

don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

The light dwindles and splutters as he still stands there, as rooted in the leaf-strewn ground as the trees that surround him. Neither head nor eye has been pointed in his direction in all this time and it is certainly his fault, though not for the reason he thinks.

He always fails to remember his first year, when he was boisterous and outgoing, when he made friends with hardly any difficulty. He always believes that he has become an unlikeable person, that no one would entertain the idea of enduring the volatility of his moods. That is why he thinks no one approaches him now.

But his powers of introspection are flawed.

His aura alienates others by its immersion in grief and he does not remember that he was always the one to approach another, to offer a warm invitation to those of the standoffish ranks he has now joined. He has become content to let opportunities pass him by and has victimized himself now that his distant personality has quelled so many bids for his attention.

He has acquiesced to marinating in the flavor of his own sorrow instead of sampling the fresh, new seasonings that others have to offer.

So he is disappointed to be ignored, yet it is a self-fulfilling prophecy that further entrenches him in his delusions. He grumbles unintelligibly under his breath and spins to seek his fortune elsewhere, but Beqanna has other plans for him this day.

When she suddenly appears, he rocks his weight into a halfhearted rear of surprise and ends up taking several steps backward. He inadvertently bumps into a tree, which throws his balance off, but he recovers quickly enough and returns clumsily to all four feet with a heavy grunt.

“Oof, sorry!”

He studies her for a moment, the shock not quite overpowering the complex emotions behind his eyes. When she asks if he is alright, it is enough to add a warble of nervousness to the tone of his voice.

“No, but I’ll figure it out one of these days.”

It’s a simple enough answer, but rife with the implication that he wants her to delve deeper into the murky waters of his melancholy. And yet, he is not sure if he wants to discuss this with her, with a complete stranger. A sigh of reprimand echoes through his mind and dredges up a reminder of the task that has been set before him.

The crooked smile that is his trademark appears faintly on his lips and he tilts his own head as he speaks again, quietly but with a touch more confidence.

“I’m Eddie. Are you from Beqanna?”

EDDIE

for Ian

image by hel-gi
@stevie