Even the deepest scars in time will fade [Yanhua]

[Borderline]

despite the overwhelming odds, tomorrow came

Time had passed. With it, the pain had eased. I had met Amarine, and I could see why @[Yanhua] loved her. It was hard not to. I had also had a very intimate conversation with Lilliana that had helped in so many ways. And I always had Memorie by my side, keeping a smile on my face. 

By now, I knew that she shared her father’s gift of empathic echoes. She had thought that she was breaking the news to me when she told me, but deep down, I had probably known all along, and I just didn’t want to admit it. She liked to use her gift to send me happy memories. Usually those memories consisted of her and her siblings romping around the forest together, but sometimes they included intimate moments she had shared with her father that she knew would make me happy, too.

So time had passed, and I was much happier for it. I had learned a lot from the whole experience, and now I feel a little older and a little wiser.

The day is unusually warm for an autumn day, and Memorie and I are on our regular trip to the burn scar left behind by the Pangean attack. I had spent a lot of time there since my return. It was cathartic in its own way to channel all of my pain and anger into regrowing the forest, and Memorie shared that gift as well, so it served the double purpose of showing her how to use her gifts. I am also a touch jealous of the filly, because her gifts come so naturally to her, while I had worked so hard to get to the place where I am now with them. Perhaps that is because my gifts had found me later in life, while Memorie had been gifted them since birth.

“Mama,” Memorie’s little voice breaks the silence hanging in the air. I look up from my musings to find her watching me curiously from between the trees just ahead on the path. By the look of her face, I could tell there was something that she was unsure about, so I move forward to join her. Up ahead was her father, probably on his usual rounds of Taiga.

This was why she was unsure of herself. Things had been tense between Yanhua and I for a while, now. Still, he had checked in on me often, and had taken Memorie under his wing. And though there is still pain in my heart, today I felt ready to finally forgive him, so as he moved closer, I offered up a tentative smile. “Yanhua”, I say, and the joy to see him can be heard in that one word. Memorie tilts her head curiously. One could tell she was slightly confused, but pleased nonetheless. “Hi, daddy!” She says, smiling brightly for him.

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Photo by Sharon McCutcheon from Unsplash

[Yanhua]

And when all the lights are broken, You keep the fire going

Time, she said. Time was what Borderline needed, and so Time was what Yanhua gave her. For Memorie though, there was little time between childhood and adulthood, and Yanhua had kept close purely because he couldn’t stand to be away. That led to his reconnection with the young filly and eventually it led to her joining her siblings for play or study when Yanhua or Amarine was available to provide it. However, every evening Memorie returned to her mother’s side and left Yanhua looking after her from afar was a routine that gave Yan anxiety. Sure, Borderline needed time… but how much of it was she gathering?

How long until he could see her again? How long until they could be together like a family ought to be?

Luckily for him, it wasn’t too long of a wait. First Amarine, then Lilliana had given word of Borderline to their respective mate and son, knowledge that Yan had used to gauge his possible reception if he was intending to meet up with the mother-daughter duo again. Eventually, the word that got around to him seemed so positive that he was willing to take a chance and head off into the woods in search of them both, Borderline and Memorie, so that the trio could try and navigate rocky waters again.

He would keep trying, regardless. He’d promised Borderline that, and promised Memorie that he would always be there for her no matter what. There was only one surefire way to prove that, and it meant being present even in situations that might founder awkwardly under tension. So he picked up a bounding trot and took off into the heavily-fogged woods in search of them one late autumn day, and came across their scent at exactly the place Memorie told him they often visited.

His clever daughter was first to uncover him, but Yanhua wasn’t trying to be hidden - just discreet. He’d rather not upset Borderline if he could help it, and Memorie seemed just as nervous at the prospect, but to their equal surprise his unscheduled appearance was met with… joy.

“Hello little love.” He greeted Memorie first, lowering his nose to brush his whiskers against her cheek. When he did, it was obvious that something about him had changed. Over the course of the last month or so, strange appendages made of light had sprouted up between his shoulders and were just now beginning to take the loose shape of wings. They were golden, like his hair and the strange tattoo over his chest, but they were lightweight and translucent. “Hello Borderline.” His head rose again, obscuring the wings from sight.

For her, he had a tentative and hopeful smile.

“You look…” He paused, his tongue hovering over the words beautiful, lovely, enchanting, before settling on, “Peaceful.”

And she did; Borderline looked serene and happy here, which gave Yan reason to believe that things might just be alright.

And when all the nights feel like they're closing, You're leaving an opening

@[Borderline] Sorry I didn't see this post at first!!

[Borderline]

despite the overwhelming odds, tomorrow came

I watch as father and daughter share a touch, and deep down, it hurts to watch, because I wish it were him and I sharing such a loving greeting. Alas, things were still tense between us, as much as I wanted things to be normal. Even so, I am happy to see him, so I don’t let the little pang of jealousy overcome my emotions. Instead, I wait patiently for my own greeting.

In that short moment, I recognize the golden wisps sprouting from his back. It is a very brief glance before @[Yanhua] lifts his head and blocks them from view, but I could tell they were wings. How curious, I thought. And then I wondered if this was a new gift or one that just hadn’t shown itself before now. If it was an old gift, one that he had when him and I had created Memorie, I wonder if she, too, shares this gift? I shift my eyes to her, as if searching for the little wisps sprouting from her back, but there are none…yet.

The stallion captures my attention once more with a greeting. He says that I look peaceful. I’m not exactly sure what that means, but I smile warmly. Well, as warmly as I can. I am still nervous and unsure of myself. Memorie doesn’t have to use her gift to understand that, and she brushes against my shoulder softly. I smile down at her, and she gives me a look that clearly asks if I wanted her to stay. “You can run along and play, little love,” I say. She gives me a hesitant smile, then turns to her father and gives his chest a quick brush with her shoulder before she turns and trots away to give me and her father some time to ourselves.

I watch as she goes. She is getting bigger and bigger every day, and soon the time would come when she stopped coming home to me at night. She would have to make her own way in this world. And while she is more than ready for that, I’m not sure I am. My heart aches at the thought.

With a soft sigh, I turn my attention back to Yanhua. I feel like an awkward teenager right now, and suddenly I wish I hadn’t sent Memorie away. She had been my rock these past few months, anchoring me firmly in reality where my demons had less control. Who was the parent here? My thoughts laugh silently at this.

As much as I would love Memorie to be here to help me through this, it was something I needed to do for myself. I shift uncomfortably, unsure of what to say to him exactly. “Hi,” I say again. This makes me feel stupid, and if a horse could blush, I most certainly would be doing just that. What I really wanted to say was that I’d missed him. What I really wanted was for him to greet me as warmly as he had our daughter. I wanted to feel his touch again. I wanted to be close again. I miss having that. But I couldn’t bring myself to ask for any of that, so instead, I ask, “how are you?”

borderline

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon from Unsplash