"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
05-18-2020, 07:23 PM (This post was last modified: 05-18-2020, 07:31 PM by Solace.)
It was not how she had pictured their return to Beqanna. But for all Solace's planning and overthinking, her life rarely took the course she thought it would. Theses little detours, brushes with death and heartbreak, shouldn't surprise the once-queen and nine-times-mother anymore, but there was something about this situation that has left her feeling unmoored.
Or maybe it is just that she doesn't have work to throw herself into anymore, that all-consuming duty.
But in her time alone, when she looked for sleep, couldn't help but think they had made a mistake during that grueling labor. That somehow it was her fault, that she missed the signs, or maybe, this was their magic catching up with them - which was no better. They had cheated biology over and over again, maybe it was just time for the dream-wold to remind them that it was a place of deep magic and unpredictability.
Whatever it was, she found herself unwilling to leave Tephra, and falling into her dreams for comfort more often every week - torn between her two children, struggling to remain present with her son while her daughter drifted, alone, on another plane.
It is only mid-day, but as soon as Indius and Kagerus have left for a grand adventure, Solace is slipping into the shadows of the jungle. She walks carefully, picking a gently used trail that follows a cheerful brook. and leaves it only once she finds a shady glen. With a quick peek over her golden shoulder, the pegasus steps off the path and sinks into the dens shade-grass with a sigh. With the dappled, yellow light playing cross her back and wings, and a cool breeze tossing her mane, she falls effortlessly into a dream.
...
The sunlight plays here as it had in the world she just left, and a small figure bounds through the too-tall grass and wild-flowers towards her, bring a smile to Solace's unguarded face.
"Hello, baby."
S
olace
we're reeling through an endless fall we are the ever-living ghost of what once was
She misses them when they have to leave her, but this is the only way she has ever known, this strange half-separation, these always in-betweens. So she doesn’t fuss when they leave, and she doesn’t cry while they’re gone, but there are tiny fissures appearing on the surface of her heart that seem to thicken every day. Especially when Indius has to leave, that boy who holds the other half of her soul.
But they’ve taught her how to make friends, how to entertain herself with the beautiful world momma made for her - told her not to change too much because sometimes with dreams there are nightmares too, and they don’t want her to unleash one and not know how to send it away again. Except it is hard to resist the pull of the magic beneath her skin, or to ignore the way this place feels so malleable against her thoughts. So she hopes quietly that neither of them notice that there is a grove of bright rainbow colored trees nearby, or the chittering family of flower-patterned squirrels that live there.
She feels the very moment that mother falls asleep, because her beautiful mind is like a golden thread that Iri yanks hopelessly closer even though she needn’t worry. Mother always comes here with her right away. She bounds excitedly through the tall autumn-colored grass, and her joy sheds into the colors around her until everything has taken on a gem-tone copy of the original. The grass is emerald and topaz, the flowers like amethyst and tourmaline, but nothing is as bright as her beautiful Solace who she collides into helplessly in a tangle of red and white wings.
“I missed you!” She says, regaining her balance and nuzzling her delicate face against a gold and white chest just exactly the perfect shape for cuddles. “Are momma and Indi coming too?” She wonders, though she already tried to find their missing threads and tugged them without any response. It’s okay though, she knows they can’t always be here even if she doesn’t entirely understand why. “Maybe later, yeah?” Her navy eyes try so hard to be gentle because she’s learning what guilt looks like when it crosses mother’s beautiful face, and Iri doesn’t like when she feels bad. “Maybe we can build a mother and iri place!” She suggests hopefully, imagining a place where the clouds float low enough to touch and the flowers are big enough to nap in. “I’ve got some pretty good ideas.” Her tail waggles hopefully.
It hurts her to leave, it abrades her soul. If only she could stay with Iri always, she could keep her from harm.
Already, the little dreamer has been pushing at the confines of the world they created for her. How long would it be before she began to test the limits of her power? The gilded cage would not last forever, but Solace just needed it to last long enough to get Iri home. To find a way to bring her to the world were she belonged. But it is too hard to be stern with such a child, especially when Solace spent the majority of her waking moments wishing they were together again.
Iri tumbles into her, and Solace pulls her daughter close with the length of her blue wings, tucking her into a warm embrace. Her pale skin glows with golden light as Iri rest her face against her heart, and she brings her muzzle down to lip along her crest and set her wayward mane to right.
"I missed you too," she echoes, letting the full truth of her words be felt in her tone. Iri is quick to follow with a question, but it doesn't catch Solace off guard - her smiling blue eyes never falter. "They are off collecting pictures for you," she replies, only hinting at the possibilities.
Iri doesn't pause for long, her dainty face suddenly glowing as she excitedly make a new suggestion. Solace steps back, stretching her wings up to their full height above her back because she thinks she may know just what would make her little dream-girl happy. The cerulean feathers reach towards the heavens and her matching eyes turn skyward. With a powerful motion she brings them down, stirring the air and sending fluffy white clouds and threads of sunlight swirling around them. The air shimmers with movement and life as she pulls her wings up again, this time sweeping dandelions and straw-flowers from the grasses into the current of clouds. With the materials collecting around the knees and bellies, she looks to her daughter with sparkling eyes.
"Show me what you had in mind"
S
olace
we're reeling through an endless fall we are the ever-living ghost of what once was
She loves the way mother pulls her in close, surrounding her with love and light and the soft feathers of such beautiful blue wings. It feels a little like being cradled in a sky, like having clouds pressed against her sides someplace she is so safe and so loved, and none of the burdens newly placed on her shoulders have any weight to them at all.
Her eyes are closed and her smile is giant as she listens to the thrum-beat of mother’s beautiful heart, basks in the love in the way Solace nuzzles her wild mane all back in place. “I try to teach it to behave but it just won’t listen.” She murmurs in her darling bashful way, navy eyes open again and searching for approval in the matching shade of mothers eyes. “Kinda like me, huh?” And just like that she’s grinning again.
But Solace speaks again and Iri can feel delight leaping in her chest, feel the wings of a thousand butterflies fluttering in her slender belly. “Pictures?!” The thought fills her with so very much love, and she nearly glows with it like mother does as she rubs her chestnut spotted cheek against a molten gold shoulder. It is so nice to be loved, to be so important to the ones that matter so much to her.
Then mother lifts her wings and Iri can feel excitement rise to a fever-pitch in her chest as she takes a few readying steps back, leaning down a little to perfect her pounce pose. Her tail curls up, her little rump wiggling like a kitten, and when those sky blue wings come down and turn the world into beautiful motion, Iri turns too. She spins and whirls and bounds, leaping after the dandelion puffs with wild abandon. And when Solace catches her eyes and says, show me what you had in mind, Iri beams at her.
Without warning, giant mushrooms erupt all around them, soft and spongy but strong enough to hold them up as she leaps onto the nearest one. She pauses, looking back at Solace and extending those red and beautiful wings to help keep her balanced. “Let’s see if we can reach the clouds.” And then she’s turning and bounding onto the next mushroom, using a flutter of her wings here and there to propel her to the ones almost too high to reach.
Whimsical mushrooms erupt around them, and with a laugh of pure-enjoyment, Solace leaps for the first one. With little Iri bounding before her, they race for the clouds, and Solace is content to follow. They climb and climb, the mushrooms continuously appearing before them just in time, never afraid of the fall. The world below fades away as they leap and bound, the blues and golds are replaced with amethyst as they reach into the sky. The sugar-spun clouds they had been chasing gather around their racing hooves, and Solace tries to fight the encroaching bittersweet ache in her chest.
Iri crafts a living staircase with the ease of a well-practiced magician - another reminder that she would not be safe here forever. Her youngest daughter was at home in this world of limitless magic, but that didn't mean she was safe. It was a fickle world without rules she lived in, and it had repercussions for the dreamer on the other side.
But for now it is just the two of them, perfectly safe in their own little world - painted just the way they want it, with no detail left out. But she can't fight the way her heart is breaking.
The clouds begin to take on shapes, galloping horses run beside them. They would be nameless faces to Iri, but to Solace, they mean more than life itself.
With a shuttering breath, Solace halts, and she swallows hard against the emotion gathering in her throat.
The mushrooms crumble gently around them, and the pair float as lightly as dandelion petals. Where there had been birdsong, there is stillness now, interrupted only by the crinkle of frost as it stretches to cover the world around them. As far as they can see, the soft swells of hills or clouds are dressed in a quilt of white and frost-blue, but it is living color - alive, and sparkling with the bright moonbeams the have replaced the sun. Only, Solace is not looking out across the changing landscape, she watches her baby, hoping against reason Iri will not be too disappointed by this change that her mother had triggered.
"I'm sorry," she says, and the word escapes her in a whisper. Their perfect world was nothing like it had been now, replaced with a barren tundra of non-descript shapes. But she can't find the strength to change what she has done, not even for her darling little dream-girl. The snow crunches below her hooves as she steps forward to wrap Iri up in her wings against the sudden chill, and to hide her from the faces of her lost children that are forming in the mists. She wishes away the tears that start to dance heavily in her eyes, a small grab for control over the feelings that are overwhelming her.
It is hard for her to believe that everything will be alright, that she has lost her last child to the afterlife, that her immortality will not be a gift she curses over and over again before she finds a way to join them.
That little Iri will be fine.
That the magic that held her captive in the world of dreams would simply let her go.
These thoughts writhe in her mind, none fully formed but all too clear to ignore. The ghosts begin to fade, but Solace is hesitant to let Iri go. With a furrowed brow and aching heart she holds her, and hopes that that somehow she can find a way to make it all alright.
S
olace
we're reeling through an endless fall we are the ever-living ghost of what once was
Iridian is a symphony of sound and laughter as she bounds fearlessly on ahead of her mother, leaping from one mushroom to the next until the sky itself morphs to a color that reminds her of the inside of a gem. It is so beautiful up here, and it is made even more beautiful by the pegasus woman keeping pace at her shoulder. She turns to glance over at Solace, her little face alight with sunshine and exhilaration as her sides heave with the effort of climbing.
It is in that moment that she notices how the clouds unravel from their mountainous forms, rebuilding into shapes that make her smile for their intimate familiarity. Horses - she can tell by their features, their ears and eyes and noses, four pounding legs and wild waving manes. She laughs again, feeling absolute joy at such a wonderful addition from her mother - which is of course also the same moment the dream they’ve built together comes completely undone.
She sinks beside her mother, startled and confused, breathless for a moment until she is sure she isn’t falling but rather floating safely down. It still leaves her with a weightless sensation in her chest that leaves her feeling dizzy for a long few moments before she blinks and shakes her head, and then peers around them quietly. She doesn’t understand why the dream changed so suddenly, or where the colors have gone, because everywhere she looks are shades of cold. Silver and blue and white.
Mothers wings envelope her, and she shrinks back readily into her familiar warmth, reaching up to nuzzle that delicate face. “Don’t be sorry, mama, it’s alright.” She is glad to disappear into the universe that is her mother, shades of white and gold and sky blue, soft feathers and warm skin that smells like home. But it isn’t before the ghosts around them press in closer and she can see the details of their faces solidify. She does not know them, but she knows the way of dreams, knows that these faces came from someone. Just as she knows the only other someone here is Solace.
“Who are they?” She whispers, careful not to shatter the images of them with the sound of her delicate voice as she presses in closer to mother. They feel more like ghosts than friends now, and she finds she is reluctant to see them again so she stays hidden away within the cocoon of blue feather. She keeps her cheek pressed to Solace’s but then pulls away an inch to look up when something damp touches her skin. Worry changes the color of her eyes, turning navy into dark blue crystal as she reaches up to wipe the tear away, her voice as soft as gossamer. “Why are you crying?”
Iri folds into her, trusting, warm, and so alive. She can feel her tiny heartbeat as it races against her skin, and she pulls in the wonderful baby-scent she would never grow tired. It calms her, all these perfect, little things. They are simple moments, but she has lived long enough to know their true value.
Taking some control of the dream back, Solace shrinks the galloping spirits until they are the size of young marsh-hares. With a steadying breath, she pulls close a mare with sharp, beautiful features. Oblivious of them, the spectator gallops steadily on - with a powerful stride and a look of determination in her eyes. Washes of gold and blue tint the clouds to replicate the coat of Solace's first daughter.
"This is Valdis," she says, and her voice has taken on a wistful, tired, tenderness. "She was your sister."
The cloud-mare recedes until softly she blends back into the puffs of spun-ice that float up around them. There are three specters left, and Solace draws the next mare to them with a bitter-sweet smile playing at the corners of her lips. This one has a crown of antlers and leopard spots, and a face that doesn't look so different from Solaces.
"This is Oriash." The ghost-mare slows to a hesitant walk, her wide, blue eyes looking over each shoulder without seeing. "I hope that you can meet her one day."
Like a ship taken to sea, Ori glides away the same as Valdis, and the third ghost takes her place. This one, a stallion, halts to stand and face them. He is well built, like his father, and there is the least of Solace in him. Black and white are splashed across his pelt, and a thick, royal blue mane hangs heavily against his neck. "Your brother, Velk," she says, and as she reaches to press her muzzle the little apparition's head, the image of her first-born dissipates. "A healer."
The fourth and final ghost, another young stallion comes to run beside them. A trail of effervescent, blue light follows him and there is a wound nestled between the working muscles of his chest. Solace had never seen her son with such a wound, and it's appearance strikes a note of fear in her own breast, one which she hides for Iri's sake. "This is Rhaegor," she says, her eyes never leaving him as his likeness gallops in place beside them. "And I hope that someday you will meet him too."
Seemingly satisfied with this acknowledgment, her creations do not resurface. Iri and Solace are alone once again. She looks to her youngest then, wondering what sort of feeling or reactions this strange meeting will bring up in her youngest child.
S
olace
we're reeling through an endless fall we are the ever-living ghost of what once was
She feels more wary now when Solace opens her wings and frees Iri from that warm cocoon of bright, beautiful blue. She is slow to peel herself away, lingering an extra moment to nuzzle her little face into mama’s gold and white shoulder as if this will soothe the little flare of uncertainty clawing softly in her belly. Whatever had been out there had made mama so sad, sad enough to draw tears from her quiet, beautiful eyes. It feels oddly scary to see someone as strong as Solace with tears on her cheeks.
But there is a new shift in their shared energy as Iri turns to face the ghosts again, no longer enchanted by what had seemed like such fun before. She huddles back shyly against Solace’s chest, those wide blue eyes so dark and luminous they seem almost awkward on her delicate doe-like face. But the ghosts are smaller now, and when Iri glances up at her mama, she can see they have all of her quiet attention.
She is so surprised by the words that follow, those blue eyes growing even wider for an instant before she glances back to the cloud horse, her little face tipped in genuine curiosity. “My sister?” There is such honest delight in her expression as she inches closer, head dropped low to peer at all the amazing details mother has built for her. “She’s sooo pretty.” Iri says dreamily, admiring the ocean shade of blue and golden sunshine infused into the cloud. She almost misses the use of past tense, but it catches like a tuft of soft down in thorns of a rose. “Was?” She whispers, turning to look up at her mama again and missing the moment Valdis races on.
There is a new horse to replace the last though, and Iri looks on with a more guarded sense of wonder as she quietly learns the feeling of loss and what it is to mourn. “She looks so much like you and mother.” Iridian notes, her eyes tracing the tangle of antlers and the leopard markings. It is easy to see that Oriash Is the best of both women. “Is she nice?”
She watches Ori vanish, replaced again by another mama calls Velk. “That’s a funny name.” She says, but she is smiling, delighted all the same by the way it tickles her lips when she tries to repeat it softly. “I like it very much.” She can hardly see mama in him though, except in the blue of his hair. “What does a healer heal?” She wonders aloud, taking a single step after him to watch as he goes with the other two. Gone forever, but not like Valdis.
A fourth swirls beside them, and she watches him gallop in that slow-motion way. “Rhaegor.” She repeats thoughtfully, examining him so close with those large navy eyes. “What’s wrong with his heart?” The delicate girl has eased forward to peer and squint and tilt her head at the strange wound on his chest. “Does he need Velk?” She smiles proudly at remembering the name, and that he is a healer. “I want to meet them all, mama. Do you think they’ll want to meet me?” Her gaze softens with just a shade of pale worry as Rhaegor vanishes and it is just them again, alone in the dreamscape.
