"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
Someone else who had been kind though more intimdating had been Gallows. The image of her face flashes across Shiya's memory and stirs her into motion. Maybe she will have direction or advice for the lost girl whose hopeful eyes rove across the familiar Valley. There still hasn't been a sign of Eight but she doesn't search for him. He wants her to venture out and to have more invested in her life than just him (but how easy can that be when every lovely memory is filled by him?). Her chest clenches as she finds herself missing him despite trying to fight it away. It's hard to turn away from someone so deeply burned into her mind. The constant battle wears on her. Mild distractions keep her sane. Soon, however, she will have to find him again.
With the ascension of a new Queen, one whom she has at least met, Shiya is more eager to thrust herself into more conversation. Maybe - just maybe - she could find a purpose here. It would be new. Unlike her parents (who she has no recollection of) Shiya has been content keeping a low profile. Staying beneath a radar is all she has ever known, the only thing that she is familiar with.
There is a struggle racing through her to bring herself from the shadows, but her determination overrules and she soon finds herself in front of her Queen. "Gallows," she says initially before stumbling over herself, "Uh, Queen... Ma'am... Liege... Lady... Umm..." She has never known the proper manner to address royalty. A sheepish, albeit jagged, grin stretches across her lips. She forces herself into a momentary silence before deciding to redeem herself. "Congratulations on your ascension," no stammering, no tripping over herself. The final statement slips from her tongue like velvet even as her heart flutters in anxiety and embarrassment.
I remember Shiya. It was little surprise to me that she bonded more to Fennick. The guy screams trustworthy and I tend to be a little blunt and overbearing for some people. And I know for a fact that I freaked this girl out just a bit. Hey, I know my faults. Whether I see them as faults, however, is another story entirely.
Truthfully, though, I hadn't meant to frighten her. No matter what anyone thinks about the Valley my aim has never been to scare the crap out of others. It may happen but that's not the point. No, the point is to enjoy life as much as possible at any cost. It's a philosophy I consider a mix of hedonism and anarchy. Hedonarchy? Eh, I'll figure it out. I'm just glad that Shiya hasn't decided to hightail it out of here when she got finished conversing with Fennick, Demian and I. The lot of us are assholes, so I wouldn't be surprised if someone couldn't handle it.
I'm not doing anything in particular when the reptilian mare appears in front of me. I'd heard her coming and decided to postpone my discussion with the Valley's resident magician. I really need to ask him what the heck he did with this girl that she's so utterly obsessed and yet so blank. Apparently he may be a lot more powerful than I gave him credit for.
I'm not afraid to admit my mistakes.
Mentally.
I break into an amused grin as Shiya speaks. “Gallows is fine. I don't stand on ceremony especially not with Valley members.” Trespassers and enemies are another story entirely.
My ascension. It is, of course, tinged with a bit of bitter. Mainly a certain stallion named Fennick whom I grudgingly admire and am often extremely exasperated with. The mock feud we have is almost entirely on my side, but that doesn't mean I'm willing to give in.
“Thank you, Shiya.” I add, attempting a casual tone. I have never been great at small talk. Bluntness is my forte. Speaking of... “Tell me. What do want, most of all?”
That question, I have found, is often the quickest way to find out the motivation of a particular heart.
G A L L O W S We must all hang together or, assuredly, we shall all hang separately.
It doesn't take much effort to intimidate Shiya. She is so meek, so gentle-hearted, that she is comparably weak to others. Both of her parents had been soldiers and yet she is stripped of any strength she could have had. She knows only joy, only happiness and laughter and love. Anything beyond those are easily able to catch her off guard and stun her into silence. In time, she hopes, her mind and heart will harden. In the meantime, Shiya has funneled her energy into the kindness that Fennick offered. It isn't that Gallows was rude or frightening, but simply intimidating.
Shiya's weakness is reflected in her cowardly mannerisms no matter how she tries to straighten herself. She wants so bad to hide it, to be a rugged soldier like the others, but her heart is far too soft. In deep thought she nibbles on her lips. The answer is there, waiting to be exploited, but she mulls it over like it's her final word. "Direction," she finally says when her slit pupils find Gallow's studious face. Is there more of an answer that she wants? Or is there more that Shiya is pressed for?
A pensive hum vibrates through her as she considers the possibilities. "Independence, purpose," she begins again as the words come to mind. There is more but her mouth is filtered and her lips are suddenly pursed. Does she really want independence from Eight? Perhaps not but she assumes it is what he wants for her. He hasn't been near for quite some time; Shiya assumes he abandoned her and took all the joy she had. It leaves her as a fragile shell lost in the dark. Without direction Shiya doesn't know where to turn or whose voice to follow. She's alone, trapped, confused.
A breath catches in her throat and she takes a slow, hesitant step back. "I just don't know where to begin, Gallows." The truth spills out of her like blood from a wound. The Queen's question - so simple and yet so intimate - is nails scraping down her whirling mind. It rips her open and leaves her vulnerable as her head drops in shame.
I am not gentle. Or at least, I am rarely gentle. My children learned young that I was going to let life teach them a great deal. Falling happens. Being burnt happens (especially if a certain colt is determined to master fire). Death and rape and war happen. The best you can do is prepare.
My fellow Valley inhabitants are no different. It's better if we all fall learning because the lesson will stick better than if someone rescues us.
And so as Shiya is speaking an idea blossoms in my mind. I don't take any notion of being a genius, just inventive. (Hell, what am I saying? It's just me in here. I can call myself bloody brilliant if I want to.) And if the reptilian girl is amenable, her mission will kill two birds with one stone.
What she wants is not so rare. Everyone wants purpose and direction. It's just that some people pull out a map and debate where to go while others set off without even a day's rations packed. And independence... now that is a worthy goal. I understand that longing, having felt it from the time I was small. I built up a name in my brother's kingdom and when he passed on, I was able to fly as Queen, my confidence and independence in full glory.
Granted, some people might say I've gone a little far with my confidence. To them I would have several four letter words to pass on. Jovially, of course.
“Beginning is the hard part, Shiya. But if you're willing I have an idea for you.”
For quite some time I've wanted rebuild our network of information. Straia is lucky enough to have her ravens, but I am not so gifted. I wouldn't trade her for anything, of course. Birds are nasty creatures and mind reading is such fun.
So here goes pushing a lost little girl off a cliff so she can fly.
“I need someone to visit the Gates and/or the Dale to assess them. You can imagine that I might not be welcomed quite as openly as a relative unknown.” People have a way of raising their hackles immediately when they meet me. No idea why. Really. “You'd just talk with someone, act interested in joining and pay attention to what sort of attitude they have. Whatever you see I will see when you return, so you don't need to worry about remembering it all. You may need to lie, however, and I won't force you to go. But it could, perhaps, help grow your confidence.”
I know she is capable, this discarded mare of Eight's. But whether she knows it is another story entirely.
G A L L O W S We must all hang together or, assuredly, we shall all hang separately.
Lie? The word chokes Shiya of air for a moment. Her slit pupils contract more until she looks away in thought, in worry. How can Gallows so readily trust her to deceive others? She doesn't know anything about anything, really, but an option is being placed on a platter in front of her. Take this and become someone or run away back into the shadows like a coward. Those are her choices. This is where her life can make a turn or continue down this aimless road. Her heart screams yes but her mind, facing turmoil in its distress, hesitates underneath the Queen's heavy stare. "I--" she begins to speak but isn't sure what to say or what to do.
"Is this the best way to grow my confidence? To lie?" The idea seems so far-fetched, so topsy-turvy that she grimaces and shakes her head slowly. This can't be the only option, but nothing else is offered and Gallows is quietly awaiting an answer.
Speak, sweet girl, for the Queen has other minions.
"If you think I can do it," she's finally coming to a conclusion but there is hesitation in her voice and tension throughout her body, "then I will try." It isn't a most convincing answer; even Shiya is standing in disbelief and confusion for a few heartbeats until she straightens herself and meets Gallow's eyes. "I'll do it. I'll visit the Gates first," because it's so far away and it will allow her time to mull it over, to pick up the scents of other kingdoms, and to create her own small story to tell the world. It shouldn't be difficult, she reassures herself as a breath of air is sighed, because the Gates is known to be kind and welcoming.
Hopefully their reputation proves true.
With a contemplative lick of her lips Shiya brings her attention away from the grass and onto Gallows once more. Her expression is more stern now but her eyes, as frightening as they may be, are still softened by her hope. "I will try myself when I see him next, but if you happen to see Eight, can you ask him what he knows about me?" A half-hearted chuckle slips from her as she lowers her head slightly. "How sad is it that I need Eight to learn more information about myself?" Shiya doesn't expect a response to this as she draws a step away and looks in the direction that her path will soon lead.
Amused is a state of being I am often engaged in. But can you blame me? The world is just one big party, and I like to enjoy it. And so, once again, I admit to being amused at Shiya's reluctance to lie. I can't blame her, of course. Lying isn't a natural state of being but it is a quickly acquired trait and I have no doubt that the multi-talented mare can grasp hold of the ability.
"Yes." I say seriously, although my eyes are dancing. "If you can have confidence in the lie, you can learn confidence in the truth. And I know you can do this. I'd send you to the Dale before I let Fennick do it." I grin at that. He might kidnap another princess, the rascal.
Truthfully (and privately, because I will never ever tell her this) she could completely fuck up this spying thing and still do me a favor, because no matter how well she gathers information, I can always rifle through her subconscious to gather what I need. It's the kind of assignment that gives purpose but won't screw over the Valley if it isn't well done.
But I wasn't lying either. I do think she's capable. Whether she believes it is the kicker.
Her parting words as she contemplates her mission are not surprising. Even without mind reading, I can tell she is trouble by her past with Eight. It's a jumble of confusion for me, too, and that is not something I enjoy.
"I will find out, Shiya. Consider it payment for a job I know will be well done."
He has a lot of answers for me, I think, and I am simply dying to have that conversation.
G A L L O W S We must all hang together or, assuredly, we shall all hang separately.
