[private] I'm meaner than my demons, beyza

[Desire]

i think i'm better on my own but i get so lost in you

She disliked the darkness, but not for what it was.

She disliked it because she did not know where it came from, she did not understand its origins and did not know how to make it leave. 

She disliked it because it made her feel powerless and caught off guard, and put her on an edge she was not used to being on. 

Desire is not as strong as she liked to pretend she is; she did not have the magic that others did, like her twin that can drain life forces and give it back if he so pleases. Her love illusionism had always been more of a game to her than a true power, and it was utterly useless in this situation. Her ability to see in the dark was the only thing proving its worth, but it was not enough.

She worried for Pangea in this dark. Her mind could not shake the idea that the other lands might be better equipped to deal with this, that the moment their immunity was up they would see fit to strike (her predecessors had not earned them many allies, and while Desire was not planning on continuing what they had started, she did not want to assume that would be the case for their previous targets). 

She had Jamie, though, and Beyza, and that was enough, for now, to set her mind at ease.

It is Beyza that she searches for now, though she is not too hard to find. Even without a glow, she would stand out in the dark; she was white in a way that her mother had once been before she had become an angel. Bright and white in a way that reflected light back into the darkness even on the cloudiest of nights, and Beyza, with her white eyes and white hooves, is no different.

“Beyza,” she calls to her, navigating her way across the desert terrain to draw herself alongside her. “I’m glad that you’re still here,” she tells her with a smile, that while small and nearly guarded, is still genuine. She has never been very good at making friends, which is why she rarely tried, but she finds that she does not want Beyza to dislike her.  “You seemed unsure of the shadows the last time we were together,” she continues, her dark eyes drifting upward to the faint light that rings the objects frozen in the sky,  “how are you now, with darkness everywhere that we turn?”

i think i'm better on my own but i'm so obsessed with you

desire

[Beyza]

Beyza’s curious about Desire and is pleased to hear her name called by the galaxy decorated mare - pleased for a chance to get get to talk to her, find out what she’s like. Especially since Desire took up the mantle of leadership. But even without getting to know her, she imagines the mare next to her will be a better leader than their last. That bar is far underground, wherever Straia had disappeared to. A small smile dances through her crystalline eyes at the mention of the shadows and the last time they had seen each other. “Last time, I worried about what the shadows thought of me. They’ve never been particularly fond of me.” She doesn’t think she needs to elaborate on that point, it feels pretty obvious. Even in this darker-than-night, she stands out. It has always felt like the shadows slide off of her body - or are repulsed by it, as Jamie had been when they were younger. That sting never really faded. The shadows don’t even respond to her magic all the time, though she’s sure she should be able to at least control them a little. Her smile turns a little sly as she adds with a light trace of humour in her voice. “But now they don’t really have a choice.” There is a brief moment where Beyza considers keeping what she’s done a secret - only Jamie knows. She hadn’t even told Anaxarete the whole story, though the shadow-mare might have glean or taken the knowledge for herself all the same. Still, Desire was lead of Pangea now - and Beyza intended to stay here. It would be good to know what the other mare thought of magic, and specifically what Beyza could do (and has done) with it. So she decides to test the waters and now takes her turn looking up to the black expanse of the sky. She keeps her voice carefully neutral, all the better to allow her to focus on discerning Desire's reaction. “I think I played a part in all this, actually.” beyza

artwork by kharthian


@[Desire]

[Desire]

i think i'm better on my own but i get so lost in you

“You should never worry what anyone or anything thinks of you,” she says, despite it not being the best advice. It was, on the surface, maybe. Desire didn’t care much what anyone thought of her, and was not the type to lose sleep over someone disliking her or being displeased with her actions. She did not care that she  destroyed whatever had existed between her mother and Ashhal, just as she did not care that she ruined the budding romance between her daughter and that boy, Aureus.

She would learn eventually though, that she should perhaps care, at least a little.
She would learn, someday, that it would be worthwhile to not be so willing to throw everything and anyone into the fire, but it was not something she had learned yet.

There is a laugh when the strikingly white mare says that now the shadows no longer have a choice. “That's very true. You are kind of unavoidable now.” There was something almost unnatural about the color of Beyza—not the same kind of pristine white as her mother, but somehow something brighter. It reminded her of the meadow in the middle of snowstorms, when everything was so white that even if the sun was hidden by clouds it was still nearly blinding.

It intrigued her, made her wonder what kind of secret she may be harboring, but Desire had more tact than to simply ask. There was a time and place for such questions, and this wasn't it.

That is, until she implies that she thinks she played a part in the darkness.

She tries to keep that intense spark of curiosity concealed, tries to keep it smothered in the black of her eyes and the sharp angles of her face. “Oh?” the word is nonchalant, but of course she is interested—she can’t hide it entirely.“What makes you think that?”

i think i'm better on my own but i'm so obsessed with you

desire

@[Beyza]

[Beyza]

It is easy to like the mare she’s standing with, Beyza thinks, as her own smile brightens a little at the laugh her remarks about the shadows inspire. She appreciates too the advice given, how she should never worry what anyone thinks of her - Beyza was in a poor habit of either not caring at all or caring too much. Perhaps she’d be better off if she stuck to the former. Desire asks what makes Beyza think she had anything to do with the darkness, and there’s a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth when she replies (she is proud, after all, even if she is also a little concerned). “I was trying to make it happen.” There’s a short moment where she almost leaves it there, but she continues on to explain as best as she can. “I went into the afterlife among others for an odd quest before this began, and while I was there, I was caught by Death itself and bargained in exchange for two deaths I reversed. I agreed to make sacrifices, replace the souls I stole with new ones.” She doesn’t know why, but she doesn’t share the piece of the story that binds her to Jamie - how she was sure he was Death, living among them, and this had all been for him. That sliver of his identity does not feel like something she should share. Not yet, anyway. And maybe, for once, Beyza hears her own words and realizes that they sound insane. But she is a magician that’s been able to do incredible feats since she was a child. This insanity is the world she has grown up in, and bringing around an eclipse for the sake of Death, a colt she had grown up with, actually doesn’t seem all that strange to her. She wonders what Desire thinks and watches the star-strewn mare, forgetting her thoughts of just a few moments ago and concerning herself with what her new leader thinks of her. “It all is a little… fantastical when spoken outloud. And I don’t know for sure - but… weirder things have happened in Beqanna. I was crafted by a magician from pieces of two white mares, the earth swallowed the usurper who tried to change Pangea into something else…” There were far too many examples to list, surely Desire had seen her own fair share and go the point. “The day my last sacrifice was made was the day the eclipse began and I don’t know if I believe in coincidences that significant.” beyza

artwork by kharthian


@[Desire] don't look at how long it took me to write this reply