"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
-So deep in my heart that you're really a part of me-
Recently Eyas hadn’t slept, which meant that she couldn’t dream. Catcher couldn’t visit her dreams if she didn’t have them, and lately it seemed as if every time the pegasus went for a peek into Catcher’s vision, her eyes were closed as well. The timing just wasn’t right for them to meet in their unconventional ways. So tonight, Eyas sighed and went looking for another sort of distraction. She passed by the ancient spires and red rock hills, growing shorter and shorter the farther south she trekked, swishing her tail and jostling her closed wings with every stride.
The smell of the landscape was sweet and dry in her throat, burning still from the heat of the day. She could feel the warmth coming off the ground and hear the soft clattering of little clay stones as they tumbled out of her way, and for just an instant Eyas pictured herself as a child again. Nostalgia swept through her, bittersweet, and feeling her heart clench painfully, Eyas stopped.
“Santana?” She asked the quiet dark, pensively. The buckskin pony hadn’t heard him following her; maybe she’d just happened to come across the place he’d carved out for himself while they remained here, waiting for action. At least I hope it’s him. She thought silently, waiting but flicking her ears around to listen. She hadn’t looked with her vision manipulation - it had been her other power, that darkness she refused to tap into, that had alerted her to the presence of another being. It could be anybody, really. At the very least she was sure it was ‘a body’; something with a soul she could possess, or control if need be.
The ice touched stallion lay with legs neatly curled beneath himself in a verdant meadow. Flowers nodded their sleepy heads while he watched bats zip through the air overhead. It was peaceful here. More peaceful than he'd been expecting. He'd been planning on a day or two of action, for justice to be metted out and then they would all go back to their lives. He had not anticipated so much waiting. So much time alone with his thoughts.
This was not Loess, to be fair. No, he had wandered, just a bit. Across the border, to the Loessian territory of the Brilliant Pampas. He couldn't stop himself, when he realized they were so close.
It was the height of the blooming here. The air was scented with so many flowers that his head spun with the perfume, even at night. This little copse of redbud kept the breeze at bay, and in the tall grasses he thought about sleep. Thought about family. Thought about why he'd agreed to come here at all. Really, he was thinking too much. It was easy to do when there was no distraction.
A falling star darted across the sky, catching his gaze just as a voice broke through the cicada song. One blink, and it was gone. Not so with the voice's owner. Santana sighed lightly, turning his eyes from the heavens to the terrestrial shape approaching him in the dark. "Over here, Eyas," he called quietly, heaving himself upward. A shiver shook him from nose to tail, the leather of his wings snapping at the sudden movement.
Her warm body glowed faintly in the dark to his eyes. He doubted she'd need any kind of heat signature to find him now that he was standing. The pale stallion nearly glowed himself in the starlight, eerie as a ghost. His eyes burned in the dark, watching every carefully placed step that she made. He smiled, hoping the dark hid the expression from her view.
He couldn't help it though. He'd never had a wish come true so quickly before.
-So deep in my heart that you're really a part of me-
Funny how the sight of him put her at ease these days, when once it’d been the opposite. Eyas smiled, watching him rise and unfurl those leathery wings with a snap of wind that bent the Pampas wildflowers underneath him. Each lovely bloom bowed its head and then rose once more, and Eyas started walking toward him again. “I can’t sleep.” She admitted with a breathy sigh, pulling up to halt in the same patch of overgrown grass he’d bedded himself down in before she’d arrived. Nevermind that she might’ve interrupted his own chance at an early rest; something told her if he wanted her gone he’d say so.
Until then, she’d keep her mind occupied by small talk.
“It’s so damn beautiful out here.” She smiled, having missed the one he’d already given her earlier. Unlike his own eyes, hers weren’t as sharp; she’d also purposefully avoided looking him directly in the face for the moment. It unnerved her since their meeting earlier this morning, with Elio. Looking at him meant she’d have to admit the feelings she had this morning were the same feelings she was currently struggling to puzzle out now, which were realizations that she’d be terribly sad to see him hurt because of her desire to outnumber Wolfbane.
Something about the stoicism there, in his eyes. The certainty in himself and his willingness to support her in a family endeavour made her think twice about her feelings for him, and a part of herself feared the sudden attachment that was growing inside her heart. She felt as if her whole life had been dedicated to keeping her distance from others who might’ve loved her (Catcher immediately comes to mind), and relinquishing that fear was a hard thing to master.
“For a moment I can almost forget the nightmare.” Eyas laughed, but then immediately fell quiet.
The weight of everything she’d been holding in suddenly felt like too much for her fragile, narrow shoulders to hold up, and she burst apart at the seams all at once, unexpectedly. “Santana!” She choked on his name, and then flung herself aside in one movement to bury her face into the round, warm section of his breastbone. He was so much taller than her it was the best she could manage. Gale wasn’t here - she was glad of that. Catcher hadn’t been able to visit. She felt like her mother and brother were strangers to her. Carnage’s echoing warnings pounded in her head and for a moment, she struggled to breath because she felt the pressure building up in her throat. She wanted to tell Santana everything, but she... couldn’t.
“I’m terrified.” She said instead, muffling her sobs and blinking her dark eyes as she pulled away from him in an effort to compose herself. The buckskin mare shook her head. “Really, truly scared out of my mind. These past few days have been hellish.” She sniffed and grit her teeth. Enough, she told herself. Be a mare, not a foal.
These were haunted plains for Santana. Memories stored in the blooms of darker times, of mistakes made. Certainly, he had not come here looking for peace. Closure might be as close as he got, but he'd take that. It was far more welcome than the numbing questions he'd been musing instead.
Dark as his thoughts were, they drifted softly away when Eyas approached. "That makes two of us," he rumbled in the darkness, head bobbing in greeting. At her second comment though he could only grimace. It was hard to separate the place from the memories. Still. The pegasus mare seemed enthralled with the surroundings, and he wanted to see them through those eyes, for a change.
It wasn't a long peace, however. Something ached in the woman's voice when she spoke again, despite the laughing tone. That he wasn't surprised when her voice broke didn't make it any less painful to hear. For one who tried to take on the world, she was strong. Stubborn. Occasionally to the point of pig-headedness. She was like his mother that way.
He couldn't watch her destroy herself the same way his dam had.
There was no thought when he unfolded a wing to embrace the quaking mare. She was so frail beside him, so very small. Held together with will power and pride. It was enough to exhaust anyone, as evidenced by the growing patch of dampness on his chest. How long had she been holding this in? Tana breathed softly, neck arched over hers until the tears slowed to a slower hiccuping.
When she pulled away he folded his wing back against his side, taking an unusually long time to resettle it while she composed herself. This was, he realized, uncharted territory.
For a stallion who had spent the majority of his adult life alone, taking on the problems of others did not come naturally. When the hollow feelings got too heavy, there was always a friendly mare who didn't seem to mind his inattentive ways to fill in the space for a while. In those cases, he was careful to keep things light. No deep feelings, no hard goodbyes. Catcher had been the sole exception in all these years, and he figured that had more to do with the lack of sexual energy between them than anything.
He couldn't claim the same thing with Eyas. Realizing that made his insides lurch. Habit said he should romance her and run, that he could justify it. Stress relief, right? It was too late, though. He knew it as soon as the thought crossed his mind. He was invested, both in the mission and in the mare baring her fears to him now.
He couldn't speak for a moment. Too long, maybe. He could only look at her, already pulling herself back together as if the world didn't weigh on her back. The pale stallion couldn't remember if he had ever cared about something the way she seemed to care about this self appointed task. Caring hurt. It was a hard lesson he had learned early.
"I don't..." He paused, coughing past tightness in his throat. "I don't think you're wrong to be scared." Shuffling awkwardly, he looked away. Stars shone brightly overhead, and he felt a little lighter looking at them. Sky lice, his mother used to call them. Don't fly too high, or they'll catch in your wings and make you fall. He half smiled at the old memory. "I'm glad though, that you'll let me- us- help you. I don't-" he grumbled, wondering where the right words were. Certainly not in his mouth.
His eyes fell from the heavens to settle on her once more. Sniffling, tear stained. And beautiful. "You won't be alone," he spoke, words like a sacred promise. One he swore silently to himself he would keep. He'd thrown away so much in his life. Avoided family and connection at every turn, because it never seemed to bring anything but heartache.
A grim voice wondered if she had done something while she had held his mind. Some kind of magic that made him want to ignore his need for solitude. That pit his feelings against his native mistrust. Another part of him didn't care if she had. He was setting himself up to do battle for this stubborn, impossible, brilliant mare, and that was something he wouldn't let himself regret.
