[open] don't let those butterflies out - any

[lilliana]

Perhaps as she gets older, the failures can be deemed more of the trials and tribulations of life, part of maturing and growing. But for now, they still play in her mind, reminding her over and over again of what she might have done differently. Lilli who had grown up so secure, who was kept so safe and sheltered at the heart of her family, hadn’t been prepared for the events that had played out that winter and that ultimately lead her on the path to where she stands now, following the gold and blue stallion to a place called Taiga.

Perhaps she wasn’t prepared. But that isn’t fair. Who is ever ready for the inevitable when it happens? Lilli had thought that she was being careful with that heart of hers. Keeping it safely guarded because when Broch had looked at her like that, when the blood in her would fire and her heart would race, she remembered her mother as she stood alone under a sky full of stars, thinking that she was hiding the way her heart broke night after night. Love might be an ethereal thing. It might lift a beloved pair above the heavens, there might be beautiful glory in the moments they share. But Lilli had a first-hand account of knowing that it demanded a price. And Lilli, as foolish and silly as she might be with her daydreams, hadn’t been ready to pay it.

And she remembers thinking that there was time. There would always be more time, another day to sort through her emotions and to figure out where things stood with Culloden’s leader.

But then time had reminded her that while it was timeless, it was a linear being. There was no going back, no chance to slow it down or to change it. So now Lilli is here, living with that constant reminder. She follows Wolfbane partly because she has nowhere else to go; she has been alone and now finds herself homeless in Beqanna. The crimson girl has never been one to be a wanderer or a nomad and she finds herself craving interaction, wanting the day to day routine that a herd brings, that belonging somewhere provides. There is something charming about Wolfbane, she thinks, as she follows him. She follows him down the slope, the sand soft and giving beneath her hooves. ”I find that hard to believe,” she teases back, mindful of her steps as they made their way down the river bank.

She listens even as she teases, trying to learn something about Wolfbane of Taiga, trying to glean something from him other than that she finds him intriguing and something in her trusts him. He steps into the water, letting rush past him and Lilli follows, high-stepping and almost dancing in the water as it continues to push past her. His next words are perhaps the most curious to her. He was not born in Taiga. She can understand that not everyone is born into the place they call home, can’t claim generations of ownership. But she wonders what about the trees and the forest would make one like Bane come to dwell in such a place. She smiles back at him, beaming bright and is ready to ask him where he comes from then. But he answers the question for her, somehow knowing that was the direction the conversation was headed.

Her blue eyes widen slightly and her brows rise, ”A volcano?” Beqanna seemed never-ending in its ability to shock her. ”I hope nobody ever fell in,” she retorts, her mind trying to conjure the smoking mountain. A volcano is something she has never seen. Still teasing, she eyes the wings that hang by his golden side. ”Though I suppose a pair of those probably helps,” and she smiles back at him as their voices carry over the bubbling river. He keeps talking and when she is tempted to ask him about his parents, she learns of their passing. He might have come to terms with their passing a long time ago but Lilli stills feel an ache for him. If he turned his head and looked back, he would have seen her slender neck reach for him, to offer the lightest of touches in condolence.

But she stops herself, hesitates and draws her head back because she doesn’t know how her touch would be received and she doesn’t want to (what feels like) ruin her only chance at starting over.

Wolfbane stops and Lilli smiles at him, perhaps a touch forcibly at first but the teasing draws the warmth back out again. She laughs at the use of her own description. She wonders for a moment how she could describe them all, how out of place she had really been in a family full of giants. The water recedes as she moves her way up the other side of the bank and turns back to look at him, ”I’m afraid there isn’t much to tell.” The dual-toned stallion has shared some of his history with her so she does offer some of her own in return: ”I was born in a place far from here. The fourth child of five. I’ve known four homes in just as many years and..” she struggles here, trying to find a way to explain the decisions she made, the events that have led her here. She continues past him, further up the bank and misses him reaching his golden head towards her shoulder.

Had she seen him, she might have frozen, left the moment hanging suspended as she stood unsure. But in the end, the blue eyes would have gone from alarmed to shyly inviting because there is a part of Lilli that would have welcomed his touch, would have wondered what it might have felt like because it has been so long since anyone has touched her. There is a part of her that hungers for that – that wants to feel warm and lovely again.

But instead, her mind dwells and fills with the words that she is trying to find. She pauses at the top of the bank, looking back to Wolfbane, those blue eyes brimming with honesty. ”I couldn’t keep pretending that everything was okay. We kept making the same choices over and over again expecting different results,” and then she laughs, a soft, gentle sound that comes from within the hollow places she tries to bury.  ”It was the definition of insanity and I couldn’t do it anymore. My family called the Forbidden Dale home once so I came to see what happened to it and to see the places they lived.” A smile quirks, apologetic as she waits for him to make his way up the hill. When he finally does come, wanting to change the subject, she asks, ”So why Taiga? What about it made you call it home?”

@[Wolfbane]

[Wolfbane]

ALL THE DOUBT YOU'RE STANDING IN BETWEEN

She didn’t know… she couldn’t possibly have known about Gale. There’s nothing in Lilli’s perfectly lovely expression that would indicate her response had been maliciously planned, and Wolfbane had always known that someday this moment would come. Some passing mention of the volcano or death would pop up in conversation and he would have to grit his teeth and power through the pain.

But when she said it - joked about something that’d been so real and terrible in his life - something that should’ve crippled him or probably made him angry… when Lilliana slips up in her eagerness to be cheeky, Wolfbane feels just fine. There’s no gushing wound. The thought of Gale doesn’t take his breath away or make his vision blurry. Maybe he doesn’t smile so honestly in response but otherwise Bane is perfectly fine. He breathes in, exhales deeply and watches Lilli pass without a second thought.

Without realizing it himself, Wolfbane understood that this was what healing felt like.

He reaches to touch her and thinks better of it.
Lilliana passes him by, gleaming in flickers of red-gold light before stopping to gaze backwards. It was easy to raise his head and let his hazel eyes follow, admiring the subtle grace first and the brimming, blue stare last of all. “Sounds hard to believe but I understand exactly what you mean.” Her guide answered with a lopsided grin. The expression darkened his face to a near smolder when the chestnut mare laughed. “About the insanity, and history repeating itself.” Bane’s voice was low, deep.

He trudged forward to top the sloping bank, taking point as another question sprang from Lilli’s thoughts. Intentionally he kept closer; the path through no-man’s forest was narrower than the one leading them away from the meadow. Despite him trying to ignore it, Bane could feel the ghost-like touch of his companion’s breath when it swept off her tongue and brushed against his shoulder.

“Taiga.” He repeated casually, smiling as he flung a haphazard shrug into the conversation, “It was quiet. Almost empty. My mate-” He lets slip, wondering why saying something like the word mate would give him a twinge of anxiety when thinking about Gale didn’t, “-and I thought we could give it new life so we packed up the family and moved.”

For some reason it’s incredibly hard for Wolfbane not to look at Lilliana while he’s saying all of this. At the same time he’s incredibly curious as to what her reaction might be, so at the last moment Bane turns his cheek to glance at the soft lines of her youthful, slender face while they make their way past wooded copse. Is he… expecting her to feel differently about that information? Is he hoping she will? He’s not sure.

He’s not sure that he wants to know, either.

For the moment he just wants them to walk and talk without further tension. Bane quickly adds, “I like a good challenge, Lilli,” in a tone that’s part whisper and part growl, though not exactly meant to be frightening. There’s still a playful, egotistical hint of a smile that shapes those words. “almost as much as I like unexpected things. Taiga is my challenge and you…” He pauses, “are entirely unexpected.”

WITH WOUNDS THAT NO ONE ELSE HAS SEEN

WOLFBANE

@[lilliana]

[lilliana]

She stands perfectly still as she looks down to Wolfbane, trying to ignore the nagging feeling that she has said too much. In reality she hasn’t said much at all, hasn’t mentioned why her family moved so much or what cost it came to them but to Lilli, those few words of feeling the insanity and monotony of doing the same thing over and over again, exchanging one “home” for another and then pretending to be shocked when it happened again. When it had happened before, when they had exchanged Murmuring Rivers for Paraiso, well that was easy to forgive and endure because Valerio, her father, and valiant war hero, came racing into their lives again.

It hadn’t lasted. Lilli who had spent most of her youth as the Regent’s daughter knew that leadership often came at a high price to the family. Her mother was often called away to settle disputes, to ease a broken heart or form alliances. Aletta, while a dedicated mother, was just as adamant in her duties to her kingdom as she was to her family and there were many times that she would be gone for a night, for whole days, doing one of the many tasks that ruling required. So when Valerio was called away again for a diplomatic mission, when he had to break their family apart again, Lilli tried so hard to understand. It was another aspect of being a Guardian, of carrying Legado’s blood in their veins that there would always be some call to answer in the face of evil.

To Lilli, it has seemed too high a cost for a birthright.

She worries that she has said too much. Since coming to Beqanna, she has had plenty of idyll chatter and conversations that go nowhere. Those conversations have been easy and light, a trivial distraction to the darker things she has tried to keep at bay. She’s been appreciative for the laughter and the diversion. The crimson girl has never been one for solitude and the company she has kept has made learning a new place easier, has made her feel less out of place and made her feel like that there might be a chance here for her to start again.

Those conversations, though, have been different than this one. The tone, the feel, the current of this conversation with Wolfbane has been so unlike any of the others she has had. And when he grins up at her, hazel eyes looking to her blue ones, she is immediately flooded with relief. Something in her softens as she looks at him, feeling appreciative that somebody understands the madness. She doesn’t know what Wolfbane’s insanity is. He doesn’t prod her for more and she doesn’t pry further for his. It is just the knowledge that somebody else understands gives her a feeling of rapport with him.

He comes up the bank and Lilli follows, the path becomes narrower as they trek through this part of the forest. It causes her to come closer, to almost hover next to him and for the first time, she is suddenly aware of how close he is, how close his shoulder is to hers, how the space between them has closed so much that Lilli has to be conscious of her body in a way that she isn’t usually. It is perhaps the first deliberate thing in their conversation, the first time that she has found herself being careful around Wolfbane. He is close enough for her to notice how muscular he is and suddenly, he seems so much larger than he had before.

Other thoughts pop into her mind. She finds herself curious about his age and tries to discern it for herself. She glances at him sidelong, almost hiding under crimson locks as she compares him to Malachi and Marcelo, the men in her life who have been her constants.

Taiga, he says and her awareness shifts to his words. She listens, an ear casually tuned in on him as they continue to walk. Lilli still tries to maintain that careful balance of being close but not wanting to intrude of any personal space he might have. The space between them is thin but she is determined to keep it. He tells her more of Taiga, of the woods and quiet. She smiles again, a knowing look as she is familiar with quiet lands and small populations. The thought of not coming into a large realm comes surprisingly as another relief to Lilliana. She’s about to give some reply about the sense of community that a minor population can provide, something along the lines of the bonds and relationships one can create instead of getting lost in a larger crowd.

But the mention of a mate, of a family almost startles her. She doesn’t know why it does. It shouldn’t. She has just barely met him and for Wolfbane, this is most likely another day at the office. Shame comes when she recognizes the emotion: disappointment. She can feel it flash across her features and if she were capable, her cheeks would have colored. The crimson girl isn’t skilled enough to catch her emotions in time and they come across her eyes like a lightning strike, bright and illuminating, incapable of hiding anything in those brilliant blues.

But she has enough social grace to smile though it feels different than the ones before, a practiced imitation of the real thing. The absence of his hazel eyes and his expression until the very end make it bearable. She can collect herself and her emotions. ”That’s wonderful,” she says. She does mean it. Lilli tells herself over and over again in her mind that she absolutely believes these words she is saying. If she were better at this, she would ask him the name of his mate, how many children they have, what their ages and personalities are. But the words somehow get caught in her throat, refusing to come out. So she reaches for something else. ” What are your plans for Taiga? Do you intend to keep it small and quiet or do you intend greater things for your mysterious wood?” Somehow coming back to Taiga, discussing what Wolfbane plans (if he has any) seem a safer topic.

She feels better after saying those words when in reality, she hides behind them. To Lilli, this is proof to herself that Wolfbane’s admission about his wife doesn’t bother her.

So why then, she wonders as they continue to walk, is she still so painfully aware of the proximity of his body next to hers. Why does his warmth not bother her, not cause her to want to move away from him?

I like a good challenge, he says. An ear flickers to him again as she turns her head to observe to Wolfbane. His smile is contagious and she catches it, unable not to beam back to the golden and blue stallion. She laughs then, pleased that the conversation has found its easy ground again. ”Well good,” she replies with the undercurrent of a jest. ”It sounds like you certainly have one.” Lilli slows then, her attention moving ahead of them for a brief moment. The rest of Bane’s whispered words reach her ears and she looks back at him then, inquisitive while her blue eyes glitter playfully under her crimson forelock, shielded by dark lashes. ”I’ll try to keep you on your toes then. I wouldn’t want to get boring on you.” Her expression sobers then, just enough to allow the smile to mellow and a look of appreciation to settle. ”Thank you," she says a little searchingly, trying to find a way to say this. "For allowing me to come to Taiga and for showing me the way today.”

He didn’t have to open his borders for a stranger. He certainly didn’t need to take the time to show her the way. Wolfbane with his wings could have given her directions and flown off, letting her manage her way through Beqanna’s and its numerous lands. His kindness and patience aren’t missed by Lilli, and if anything, it endears him a little more to her. A ghost lingers in the back of her mind, an accusation and briefly, she wonders if this is a bad decision.

Her own returning impish grin and something else, another emotion she hasn’t quite worked through yet, tell her otherwise.

@[Wolfbane]