[mature] This Beast Inside of Me | Dovev (Private)

[Zoryn]

For those of you who follow Zoryn (if there are any aside from Sam and Toli), this thread is set in time after he and Dizzy had their discussion. Around time Dizzy is attacked by Raelynx, or just before.

Angry. He is so goddamned angry he could explode with it. He is like a storm as he crashes through the Forest; his mind flashing memories like lightning, his heart like booming thunder, hooves striking the ground like a pelting rain. Nothing is safe as he passes. Birds abandon their perches as he shoulders branches of trees. Other small animals skitter from his path. None of it is enough. There is only one thing he needs right now. Release. And there is only one other who could give that to him. The beast within drives him further, wilder, feeding off of his rage and flashing its fangs in the dark of his mind. Echoing his need. Oh, he wishes at times he could release the monster. How easy, he thinks, it would be to give in and lose control of himself. Let it go to destroy, rend and tear and eat.. He only fears how much it would take. Getting it back in its cage. It very well could destroy everything, even himself.

Hell, maybe that wouldn't be so bad, he muses as he hunts. He begins to wonder what all he even has anymore. He'd fucked things up so bad with Dizzy. His fault. He should have known, should have recognized the signs, should have addressed it sooner. He wants to fix it, but at this point he knows what that's going to take, and fuck. He just isn't sure he can handle that. Always, throughout their childhood, it'd been just the two of them and their silly, twisted games. Teaching each other how good physical pain could be. How high it could take them above reality and away from bullshit that could hurt them deeper, below what the physical pain could reach. That precise kind of pain that he needs right now. Release and escape from the roil of anger and frustration, and deep-seated inner hurt that eats away at him. It was his fault. Dammit, he didn't know finding one person could do so much damage. Zoryn himself had found Dovev. Brought the bone-plaited bastard into their lives. It was only supposed to be for fun! But the bastard had changed them. Both of them. And his Dizzy isn't just his anymore.

His fault. He'd brought this on himself. It was selfishness and hopeful ignorance that had made him believe this last year without Dov in their lives was better. Diz gave birth to twin beautiful baby girls, and damn how he loves them. Would do anything for them. Had made sure they always knew it. But their mother.... How could she say she doesn't feel anything for them?! Those words burn in his mind. He can handle her not loving him the same way he does for her, but the girls! Fuck, they deserve better than that. Never in his life had he thought he would enjoy being a father. The thought had wracked him with worry and fear while she was pregnant. But once he saw their beautiful faces.. when they opened their eyes and met his anxious gaze.. He was a goner. Lost and changed forever. He just can't believe she'd said she can't love them the same.. And all because of another. Because of Dovev.

He'd hurt her, he knows. When he said what he had to her. Agreeing she was being like Mom. But she was! All through their childhood, they'd needed their mother. But the wretch was too wrapped up in their twisted father to pay them any mind, leaving them to find love and fulfill their needs themselves. They'd vowed not to be like them, ever. To be better. Well, he's holding up his end as best he can. But now, he isn't sure he can do it alone. He needs her, and they need her too. But she... Fuck, he hates admitting it.. She needs Dovev, said she'd fallen for him, and godDAMNit, if that's what she needs to be happy, Zor is just going to have to live with it. But he needs her to be better soon, before she stops being able to pretend to care for their girls.

Their girls. All three of them had made those precious babies in one disastrous night. Born together, Zynnie was his and Dizzy's, but Zoe- she is Dov's. He'd never admitted the knowledge aloud before, not til the other night with Dizzy. But they both knew, how could they not. Her dazzling eyes are a dead giveaway. Dark, near black with stars dancing within. Didn't matter to him, though. Both of those girls now share huge chunks of his heart. They're his in every way that count, and would always remain that way. If he could do anything about it, long as he lives. Zor didn't want Dov around them- still doesn't- and had been perfectly happy with the fact the bastard had gone and left them to whatever kind of life he'd found elsewhere. But he was a damned blind fool to ignore that Dov had a more lasting effect on Diz. Damn him, tearing them apart without even trying.

So here he is now, hunting in the place where he and the bony prick had clashed many a time before. To find him and give him a piece of his damned mind. First, they would have it out together. It is long overdue, their reunion. And then he would send him back to Dizzy. Much as he hates the idea, he loves his sister more. More than he should, perhaps, but that is his fault too. He could take it, he tries to convince himself. What he can't take is the void that had been created in her. The emptiness in her eyes, and the joylessness in her when she touches him. He would do anything for his family. Even this.

_____

When eyes of brown and amethyst find their target, everything ceases. Everything but the beat of his heart and the breaths coming slightly fast from his rapid gait. His head lowers and his neck snakes, coiled and tensed. His muscles bunch at the familiarity of this very moment. Him, searching for Dov, and Dovev heading inward from wherever he'd come. Searching as well, but not for him. Eyes narrow on the sight of him and breathing slows, the pacing of the beast inside growing along with the fire in his belly. Tongue darts out to wet his lips, anticipating what is to come. "You." Deja vu. His voice is deep and rough as gravel as it reaches out to nab the attention of the other male, in case he doesn't have it already.

His tail snaps against his side and he welcomes the sting, yearns for more. A stronger hit. Gaze narrowed on the other before him, he takes in the sight of him. They're both a little older than the last time they'd crossed each other. Dov's body is larger, but still that sickly skinny, the bones covering more area than he remembers. But his smell, a mixture of old and new blood, remains the same. Draws him to taste it. How one could be so appealing and appalling all at once would never be a thing Zor understands. But he doesn't have to. He only needs. Upon seeing him now after so long, he realizes how long he's been deprived of physical stimuli. Almost immediately, he is overwhelmed with the urge to give in, to lose himself with him once more. Just once more. The beast roars in his head, setting him off, and before he even realizes it, his feet are moving.

The blood in his veins spiking with adrenaline and anticipation, he rushes at the bony black stallion and doesn't stop or slow until their bodies collide together. Zor's fleshy shoulder hits the sharp and rigid of Dov's and he grunts with the impact, hoping to at least off-set the other male a little. He doesn't stop there though, continuing his momentum away and planting his fores to throw his hind end up at him, kicking out at whatever he can reach. Zor spins then, lunging in again and aiming a bite to his side where skin is bared, or his neck between plaits. Whichever is closer. Panting a bit with the exertion and hoping for Dov to strike back, he stops to stand at a forty-five degree angle to his head and stares him eye-to-eye. "Where in the fuck have you been?" The words come harsh and ragged, ears still pinned and nostrils flared, he paws the ground, hardly wanting to stand and talk. Bring it on. He'd already waited far too long for this.

[Dovev]

**For Dovev, I feel like this is probably between his return with Heartfire from finding Leliana unconscious in the forest, and Dov's trip to Loess to meet Adna.

dovev

He avoided the area he'd found Leliana as he made his way deeper into the forest. He didn't want to think about it, relive it.

It made sense, though.
That she had found love. Of course she would.
Even a stupid one that needed training.

But he wasn't going to think about it. Today was for someone else, a beautiful dark face in his mind. He remembered loving the feel of her dark hair, her brown eyes gone all soft and full of wonder as he claimed her gently, tenderly. So unlike how it'd always had been, so unlike the hard bites and tearing skin, the pain.

He hadn't realized what a mistake it would be to do it that way, to change things completely. Because it had changed everything. It had changed all three of them so drastically, ruined the relationship and the precarious balance they'd kept so effortlessly then.

Yeah, he remembered.
And he'd stayed away anyway. After promising she was his. She was though. It just seemed it would always be an empty promise now, on her end. With Cerva gone. Or perhaps he'd never really been capable of really being there for someone. He only knew that Cerva had been absolutely everything, and their daughter in her absence. And now there was nothing.

Leliana. Dizzy. Luster? Heartfire.
He didn't deserve a single one. Why did any of them even bother trying? Why couldn't they see he was just a low-life bottom feeder, a killer, a monster, the dirt at their feet unworthy of touching them. He was possessive and controlling, always grasping too tightly to what he loved until it shattered in his bloody fist.

He would break them all. It always ended that way.
Even as he ran, he held them too tightly.

And he knew, god, he knew he shouldn't come back. But she was his and he needed to see, even from afar, that she had found a life without him. He needed to see her happy. She'd been pregnant, and would've had the baby by now. He wanted to see Zoryn's boy, of course it would be, or maybe a girl. A little girl with gold skin and loving parents.

Zoryn would take better care of them then he ever could.
Dizzy would've learned it by now. So it was okay to come find them, just to see. Just to let it hurt.

He wanted them happy.
_______

He knew the face staring back at him as they both cleared the trees to a small clearing. His heart dropped at the roiling rage in Zoryn's eyes, the seething pain and wild hunger.

Things were not so happy, then.

"You," Zor ground out, his voice husky and thick, nearly growling. God, yeah, that was familiar. Would they always meet this way? Dov's pulse picked up immediately, adrenaline exploding under his skin, black eyes trained on him. There was a haunted, hollowness to his gaze, but he was ready. He would enjoy this punishment, and learn later how exactly he'd earned it this time.

"Zoryn," he barely said in a soft breath, squaring up to the blonde. This introduction for them was so at odds with the emotions in him. The joy at seeing him again, even as pissed as he clearly was with Dov, the promise of violence in those brown eyes. But in the end, this was Dov's best friend, his only friend, and he had needed him for so long now. Deprived himself for so damn long now.

Dovev had never enjoyed the physical pain as Zoryn did, but he craved it now. Just to feel again, to have Zor make him feel again. Do it. And it had to be him, had to be Zoryn. He needed this. This was a blessing.

His dark face hardened in concentration, letting the world fall away and leave only them left in his mind, and as Zoryn charged towards him, he threw himself forward to meet him. They ran head on, colliding. Zor's shoulder shoved into his own covered in armor, and Dov reached out to snatch a bite on Zoryn's neck at their close proximity.

The gold man kept moving, his feet thrusting into the ground and those powerful back hooves shooting out like cannons to hit their mark. It left a loud bang echoing through the forest around them, one foot blocked by a plate of bone and the other continuing to strike into the soft skin at the edge of Dov's belly and back leg.

Dovev turned without further retaliation, just as Zoryn was spinning to face him again, those vicious jaws lunging in to embed themselves in Dov's neck between pads of armor. His eyes slammed shut and he cried out, a front leg lifting to put pressure against Zoryn's chest.

"Where the fuck have you been?"

Dov's teeth clench hard, his lips pulling back in a snarl and his eyes bladed. "Dying," he growled shortly, and it wasn't the kind of answer Zoryn would likely expect from him. He didn't wait for a response though, adding as he squared up to Zoryn again, "But I'm not dead yet."

He launched forward in a blur of stars and blue and black, unseen muscles rippling. Yeah, he looked sickly. But it was a magical appearance, and he'd been a colt once thick with muscle as stallions older than him would've envied. This was only a natural, magical deception. Underestimating him often lead to someone's death. But not Zoryn. He'd known him back then before his skin sunk in and before his armor ruptured out of his body. He'd always known Dov's natural-born power.

He threw his full weight into the attack, striding strong and ducking his head, turning it to the side to ram his shoulder plate into Zoryn's chest. His head snaked around to grab hold of the fleshy skin behind Zor's foreleg, just before his belly, biting down hard and holding. He left his shoulders and spine bare, but he didn't care. This was his punishment and Zoryn's praise. He would give it with pleasure.

we're slaves to any semblance of touch

Lord, we should quit but we love it too much

[Zoryn]

His eyes are onyx surrounded by coal as they meet his own. Zor doesn't see the haunted and hollow, because he doesn't want to. As he takes the other in, he seeks the fire that matches his own. The burning need and bloody ache. Dovev says his name softly, and Zor's ears flatten. He doesn't want soft. Not now. And then the other man's posture changes- yes- and he squares up to him from across the clearing, becoming ready for what was coming. He loves that, the way the man always seems to know just what he needs. Accepting of what he is. Always rising to meet him. The moment those onyx eyes glitter with the reflection of his own need, his fire rises hotter. So hot. Zor knows him too. Knows what he used to be, and still is- under all that ick and grime and bone, under the skeletal appearance and rank smell that permeates the air around him.

Underneath it all is the beautiful boy he'd met in the meadow all those months ago. Had it really only been a little over a year? God, it felt like so much longer. Felt like he'd known this man his whole life, and had been apart for so long. Too long. Fuck, he's missed him. And even just the realization of that pisses him off even further. How could he have let this all happen? Let Dov dig a hole into his mind and burrow there, and then Dizzy too. And how could Dovev still have so much of an effect on them, when they hadn't seen him in so goddamn long?! But now, as he stares deep into the eyes of the source of all his rage and inner pain, he realizes. How could he let this happen? Hell, how could he not?

They are a blur of motion as the gold and white rushes toward the ebon and bone and stars. The beast in his head roars as Dov charges to meet him, and Zor's heart thunders with some conflicting mixture of joy and rage. He braces himself in glorious anticipation, and when they collide, he grunts with the impact of sharp and rigid bone meeting his muscled shoulder. He'd already had his head and neck swung away, so he barely feels the rasp of Dov's teeth against his skin, and oh- it just isn't enough. Though it does awaken nerve-endings that are fervid, yearning for more. Blood rushes to his shoulder where they'd clashed, and he relishes that there will be a delicious bruise there later.

Still moving, he turns and plants into the forest floor, sending his hind legs out to successfully strike the other behind him. The echoing 'crack!' of hoof against that bony armor and duller thud of his other hoof against flesh between abdomen and stifle, send satisfaction coursing through him just as it drives him on. He isn't through yet, spinning to meet Dov as the other turns to him and he lands his bite to the exposed sinewy neck. The combination of the feel of skin and flesh between his teeth and Dov's cry of pain in his ears sends a rush of pleasure through him and has him hardening in a place long untouched. He leans in against the rise of Dov's foreleg, into the pressure at his chest.

Finally, finally he can be himself. Can shove away the inner turmoil for a bit of release. So much pressure had been bottling inside him, more than he'd even realized. How he'd needed him- this man, his equal, a partner in pain and in pleasure. And now they were connected in more ways. Through Dizzy, and through Zoe. Never before did he hate himself so much. Hate his needs, his desires. He hates that he loves his sister more than anyone, hates the fact he can't fix her. Hates that she needs Dov just as bad as Zor himself does- though he has so far refused to admit it. And he hates that he wants this man and his blood all over him.

Then, he can't take it anymore. Pulls away from the black and bony brute and snarls his fury at him. Dovev's eyes are like daggers as he glares back at him, inciting additional sparks of electricity down his spine. "Dying." Not at all the response he might have expected. He doesn't even know how to respond to that, but fortunately he doesn't have to worry much about it. "But I'm not dead yet." Mmm, those eyes glitter like stars in the night as he squares up to him once more. Zoryn licks his lips as Dov bunches on his ass and launches at him, head on. He tosses his chin up and grins as Dov ducks his masked head out to the right, and Zor half-rears to catch him square in his chest, backing up a couple steps from the force of him. Most of the hit is blunt from Dov's shoulder plate, but a small point of it pierces into the skin and fat guarding the muscles within Zor's breast. Blood seeps from the fresh wound, bright red against gold and ivory. His breath hisses out through clenched jaws and he doesn't fight the husky groan that escapes him as Dov's mouth clamps down on the fleshy part of his triceps on his right foreleg.

Zoryn doesn't pull back, but leans into the weight of Dovev, reaching his head over to land an easy bite to the other's exposed crest. His moan is muffled by Dov's mane and flesh there just before his withers. He bites down just hard enough to get the other to release his hold on his leg, and then he shifts his body forward so that their shoulders brush and stops when they are barrel-to-barrel, his muzzle leaned in toward Dov's flank where he can place a softer bite near the plate covering his hip, tasting the blood that was already there before him, then laving his tongue over the sting. "Damn it, I've missed you, Dov." His voice is a deep growl, following the line of exposed flesh down his thigh to nip there and again to his gaskin. He doesn't care if Dov continues to attack him, but his part is done for the moment as he lets the pain already given sink in and he catches his breath.

Still, his fire burns a vibrant blue within him, much like the markings just below his mouth on Dov's legs. But as pain has been dealt, there is still some indulgence he craves too. Brushing his nose back up along the same trail, he lets his lips linger along the skin at Dov's spine, touching even as he turns his head to peer at the other's face. "You once told me you'd be the only one that could sate me. Prove it." He grins as he goads him, teeth flashing before he nips at his skin again, following behind with his tongue, easing the fleeting sting. It wasn't true, that Dov is the only one who could give him what he needs, but it is now. And in just this moment, he doesn't care anymore, doesn't focus on anything but the high of mixing pain and pleasure. The ache of need swirling deep in his belly, and lower. "Or have you forgotten?"