"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
I couldn't take it anymore, mom had left me with that bear-horse, and the crazy mare that was obsessed with the flaming tree. I know she was protecting the kingdom, but I just don't understand why that means I had to stay in Chamber just to have her be killed. I can't stay there. I just can't.
I turn and go to flee, I turn and run away from where mother had left me, away from the safety that was the other adults around me. I hadn't done that before, mother kept us so locked away in safety before the war. Vaughan wanted to sneak off and watch the fighting, I called for him to come back, but he didn't. He kept on going thinking that I would just follow, cause I usually do. But no I left! I did!
Somehow I ended here, som clearing a way off, somewhere deep with thin Chamber, I stopped and looked around unsure where I was. It didn't quite smell like Chamber, but I knew it was still camber as the smell wasn't completely different. Maby i was close to the herd lands I heard mother talk about once, I dunno... but I stopped just the same. My reddish-brown coat turned grayer from all the ash settled on my coat. I could still kinda hear the war gong on, but it was faint and distant. I am not sure what else to do, I've never been alone before, and I really don't like the feeling. I miss Vaughan's boldness- even if he is an idiot. "Hello?? I call out meekly, my voice high, mostly because I am young, and ok, ok nervous too. I cough and clear my throat, "Hellloooo!?!??"This time, I call out louder, a little more confident. I hope I don't get into trouble without anyone knowing where I am, and no brother to give me courage. I don't know why I am calling out. Maybe I'm more lost than I want to admit.
The chamber is gross in the spring... or maybe that's just the war, I dunno but this place is a mess. the muddy ground makes it hard to hear footsteps. Is anyone going to come? I don't' hear anyone coming, maybe this was a bad idea. I stop and fidget, unsure if I should stay to see who might answer my call. But I hear mother in my mind, about being strong, and not being afraid; so I still and hold myself up a little. Yeah, I can do this. I don't need anyone but myself.
Shaytan is a wretched mother - just ask the dead black thing, and Sayaa, the only life she’s ever created (as opposed to destroyed, which she kind of does on a semi-regular basis). The bear goes trundling off at a stallion’s beck and call, and that leaves the Priestess with the girl. While the flame climb high into the smoke-dark (or is it just dark-dark?) sky, she basks in its glow, completely forgetting her responsibility until she opens her eyes, and the girl is no longer there.
Ughhhhhh. She’s torn between staying with her precious tree, and going after the stupid thing. Her teeth gnaw at the inside of her mouth as she fidgets with indecision. Eventually she snorts and takes off into the trees, convincing herself that Straia would want her to save an actual life, and be a hero. Yes, that’s it. She’ll be a hero!
She follows the smell of the Chamber-girl (never really realizing that she doesn’t know it’s name, she is just that girl in her mind), deeper into the land and away from the fighting. The storm that came through has made the ground muddy, and her tracks are easy to follow, even though she has a decent head start on the spotted mare. A faint ’Hellooooo?” echoes back towards the tracker, and rather than answer back, she simply turns and alters her course to follow the voice. Her ears fall back towards her head a little in annoyance, because this was clearly taking her away from her real, more important job. No one would ever volunteer Shay as the first choice of babysitter.
The girl comes into sight, and Shaytan (instead of muttering), talks loud enough for her to hear. “You shouldn’t run away like that. It isn’t safe right now. What are you, stupid or something?”
shaytan
when people run in circles, it's a very, very mad world
I can't help but not feel like it's right for me here. I am not bold and bull headed like Vaughan... or Kimber. I couldn't imagine killing another like that stallion did back at the tree. I don't how some weird quirk like most the other Chamberlings. I just don't feel right here, even alone in some corner in the borderlands of this kingdom, I don't belong here. I look around in the shady darkness, not sure wat to do next. I knew Iwas still in Chamber but I didn't want to be. I could go a little further, I could leave. I could actually do it. I might like some other group better. A less bold environment, a more tranquil home. That sounded lovely and I have every intention of taking that step, but a step, a cracking twig, ad presence of another has made me freeze. I mean I shouldn't be so surprised right? I did call out when I realized I was a little lost. But, in the moments of standing here alone, I had changed my mind. Being lost was ok, as I was about to leave so If I was in Chamber or not no longer mattered.
I see the spotted figure of the slightly odd tree loving mare through the tree line before she comes upon me, a look of sheer annoyance cutting into me. I hate when the grownups are upset with me, and I feel myself shrink at her harsh words. I feel the tears well and lungs give the telling shake before I start crying. I shake my head hard, I do not want to cry. I hate crying. I hate being so helpless. Why can't I be strong like Vaughan, or like mother? I force the air from my lungs and wait for the burn to ache from lack of oxygen, anything to not cry. When I feel like I won't cry I look up at the older mare, I don't feel stupid. I just feel like I don't want to be here anymore. "N-no. I just don't want to be here. It's scary, and the ash sticks in lungs. I'm not stupid, I...I just couldn't handle being there anymore."
I look at her, she was a different sort of horse, not like mother, and not like me. I still feel chastised but I don't think she meant bad by it. She just is who she is. I wonder how she ended up the way she was... during a war running around a burning tree yelling about Straia, my Queen.. or, at least, I think she is still queen, I think I would know if something had happened to her. "How do you do it? How do you stand it here? How did you know Chamber was where you should stay?" The questions that were burning in my heart just erupted from my mouth. I hadn't meant to, I didn't want to talk to anyone about them. How could anyone understand my heart? I think there is much I have to learn, but there it was it was out there and I can't take it back. So now I wait and listen for her reply and I don't think she's the type to sugar coat, so I can feel my heart start to race. I wonder what she will say, and secret I hope it is what I want to hear.
Oh god, oh god, oh god. It’s going to crying. The girl is going to crying.
She blanches at the sound, ears flickering back in fear (or annoyance, or surprise? She doesn’t really know) while her eyes grow wider and she takes an involuntary step back. It’s reflex. Her maternal instinct never surfaced, so this type of response is the trifecta of unknown, confusing, and panic-inducing. Any normal woman might beg her not to cry, but Shaytan just remains silent until something else happens. She can’t respond to stimuli that isn’t there. And she doesn’t know how to pretend to care.
Shay’s muddied and gray tail slaps against the back of her legs, the silence dragging on until the girl is able to swallow the lump in her throat. Hum de dum dum dummmm. And here is her bright pearl of wisdom, which is probably more than unuseful to the girl, but maybe some day she’ll remember it.”Well sometimes you have to do what you don’t want to do. Like me. I had to leave the tree.” Which means that they really should be getting back to the the rest of the fight, because god only knows what is happening without her wandering eyes on their spirit.
The girl’s next question, however, is easy. Shaytan could have answered it in her sleep. “I stay for Straia. I will go where she goes. The Chamber is just another place to live.” It was a convenient place, for sure, and if made to choose, it would be difficult to separate herself from the tree. But Straia is her second obsession, and sometimes it even outweighs the first. If the spotted mare ever had a heart, Straia clutched it (however unwillingly) in her beat-stopping gaze, in the sway of her back, and in the smoothness of her voice. Shaytan is her ever faithful servant.
”Can we go back now?” Her tone is a tad bit irritable, but if pressed, she would probably answer some more questions. If not, then they needed get to get their butts moving.
shaytan
when people run in circles, it's a very, very mad world
D: sorry for the wait. also idk what this is. maybe either one more post each and then end it? whatever you feel like doing
I can't help but stifle the smallest of laughs. This mare is funny, she seems so irritable but really she is a lot of bark... I see not bite in her at all. I see her eyes flash with annoyance, curiosity, and deeper thought. The odd mare who danced in circles around the fire tree during the war was not as odd as I first thought. By no means was she a maternal figure, she was prickly and blunt but she wasn't crazy. The day was slowly turned to night and I had grown tired as well, but not physically, but mentally.
I took in Shaytan's advice, I didn't say anything I only nod. The idea made sense, but I resonated with it for a different reason than what she probably meant. I didn't want to leave Chamber, it was my home, my brother and mother were here and it was all I ever had known. Chamber was home, but I didn't know if it was right for me. Maybe I had to actually do what I thought about as I ran from the clearing. Maybe I truly had to do what part of me didn't want to and part of me did. Maybe I had to leave.
My thought is interrupted by the mare's reply to my question. Shaytan explained why she stayed and that she wanted to return. I knew in that moment. I knew I would not return to the tree. I was scared out of my mind and I am sure I looked more jittery than I would have liked to believe. But I would not go back, it was time to go not just run to the corner of Chamber. I needed to find my own Straia, or tree, or reason to stay somewhere. Kimber and Vaughan were not so strong a reason anymore... though I think Vaughan will always be with me, in some way.... I don't think I should stay, even though part of me said otherwise.
"No." I shook my head. and take a step back. I look the spotted mare as squarely in the eyes as I could. "I'm not gong back. I can't, I'm doing to take your advice... do what you don't want to do. I don't want to leave Chamber- its been all I've known, but I need to find my reason so stay... the place that makes me know I'm home." I couldn't help but get a little choked up. it was a bittersweet moment. There are no other words, nothing else that made any sense to say. So I froze, half expecting her to leap and drag me back, but nothing happened (or alt least nothing happened yet). I smiled as i shifted back further before I turned and moved off. Unless she physically pulled me back, I would stay any longer. I had to go now, without Vaughan, without mother... if I went back I would stay, I would have lost my nerve. So I didn't look back, in fact I moved faster the further I got until I thundered through the last bit of land that was still Chamber. It wasn't until I was on the path between lands that I slowed. It was dusk and I would have to stop soon, but I couldn't help but smile. I was nervous yes, but I was excited. excited to find where I would truly find a home at.
vessel
nymphetamine x kimber
ooc: sorry about tense shifting... I know it's in there a bit but its late and I need to shower. and get to bed. We can let this be it of you can reply one last time... up to you also sorry I totally forgot about out adorable vessel seeking maternal shaytan thread!
also sorry I totally forgot about out adorable vessel seeking maternal shaytan thread! 