only the moon howls; laura-pony

[Noctem]

Noctem

there are nights
when the wolves are silent
and only the Moon howls

It had been so overwhelming at first, being in a body. So many physical sensations to sort through and process, sights and sounds and smells and tastes, learning how to balance, learning what was glorious background noise and what needed urgent attention. But slowly, I started to adjust, to settle into my new skin, to become accustomed to being alive and in the physical world. Tangible. Interacting with other people was still new, and frankly I tended to forget I could be perceived at all. Well over a decade of not-quite—life where the only ones who could see me were my mom and my sister, well. It tended to leave a…boy? This body wasn’t a man, no matter how long I’d existed already. Boy, then. Tended to leave a boy feeling invisible even when it was no longer true. Old truths lingering in the mind long after they were made false.

Would it be just as hard to go back? Just as hard to remember the body wasn’t mine when Strange was ready to live again? Ugh, now that was borrowing trouble well ahead of its time. Hopefully a taste of life would be enough for me, brief moments stolen when she was drowning in too much, too much, too much sensation and pain and too many realities dancing in her head at the same time. And if it wasn’t enough? Well. There was nothing to be done about that. All I could do was trust that life would unfold before us in a way that somehow managed to work for both of us. Knowing all the while that if it didn’t, her needs would always matter to me more.

It’s going to be okay, Strange. We’ll figure it out. I hoped so, anyhow.

The start of a new day found me exploring the meadow again, the same place I’d…well, come to life, really. The same place I’d settled inside what had quickly become our body instead of her body, and discovered that not all life was agony. Still so beautiful, vibrant green and utterly alive, just being here made my chest feel light, made joy sing in my veins, made my dark brown eyes widen with excitement. Granted, it seemed like everything did that. Maybe it would wear off, when life was a little less new. For now, it still felt like every moment could be the last, still felt like every experience was precious. And I’m not ashamed to admit, I frolicked, dancing across the earth like the child I finally got to be. Bucking and leaping just to see what it felt like, grinning like a madman and reveling in just being in a body. Our body. Mine, for the moment.

[magnus]

you and I both know that the house is haunted
and you and I both know that the ghost is me

Every day, life was coming a little easier to him.

The scent of saltwater was beginning to wear and he no longer flinched whenever he walked by the path leading to the beach. He was settling into old rhythms, ancient patterns that were beginning to come slowly back to him—his motions becoming more organic and less mechanical. Still, as grateful as he was each morning for the sweet air of Heaven flooding his lungs, he couldn’t forget his ghosts. They haunted him everywhere. He saw her in the trees and in the once lush landscape. He saw her in the wind that ran along his scarred cheek and the ground opening up beneath him as he ran unbridled.

But, sorrow was nothing new to him—it was just another bitter pill to swallow. He managed it, as he always did, and he continued to drive himself along the same road, picking up pieces of his personality and memories as he went. Often, such moments of retrospect drove him to the meadow. The place that he had first come to after crawling from the belly of the ocean. The place where he had been reunited with his son. The place where he had met the girl with bruised eyes who had told him that his brother was still alive. The same brother he had killed. The same brother who had stood there with blood smeared on his body as he stood above the broken bodies of too innocent mares. It was all just too confusing.

Tied up in his thoughts, Magnus came upon the other quickly, faster than he intended to. The joy on the other was clear, and the rogue stallion paused for a moment, hating himself for interrupting the boy who was so clearly enjoying himself. It was nice to see someone so happy. “Hello there,” he called in a voice of ash and soot, the sound husky as it poured from his throat. “You seem to be having quite the day.” He tilted his handsome head, the sun reflecting off the gold of his coat. “I’m Magnus.”

MAGNUS

once general. once lord. once king.