"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
Astrophel has found himself back in the meadow again, besides lingering here and there in Beqanna. It is the only place he knows—where they can hear his cries again. His desperation to return him. A part of him is hopeful that with every return they will hear him, they call home, and they will take him home. It is his only hope, his deepest desire to return to the celestial world.
With every night that comes, he returned to the meadow, to the same spot where he was taken to join the celestial beings. Nothing happens though—the passing of days, months, and even years now are all the same. It does not change except for the diminishing hope is torn away from him every night. Astrophel wants to fiercely believe they are still up there, listening and watching over him. He cannot find out why he has been brought back here. He has searched too long—too many years he spent searching for his answer. And every time he has come back empty handed.
It is the same tonight. Winter has deeply rooted itself this year into the meadow. The land is filled with a deep bank of snow and the night is cold. He waits every night to greet the stars above. Astrophel can feel them calling to him, especially on this cold winter clear night. Their essence beams with life and he cannot help but grasp at them, to pull their magic from them and closer to him.
He doesn’t pull every single star to him, but only one at a time. It would be shameful to take them all for himself—to take the light out of the night sky almost felt like killing them all, destroying the beautiful they shined down onto this world. Tonight, there are a lot of stars to choose from, but he doesn’t hesitate to find one. It is always the first one that catches his eye.
It shines the brightest tonight. Sparkling in a different way from all the rest. He connects with it instantly, feeling the essence that breaths through it. It is more precious than anything else in the world. Nothing compares to the life of a star, the magic that it gives to the dark night for all of them to see.
He pulls gently, slowly, at first. The star flickers faintly as the bright essence of the star’s light twinkles down into a thin thread of sparkles from the night sky. It wraps around him instantly. Twirling and twisting around his legs, body, and neck. It warms his heart to feel it, to feel a small piece of the celestial world meant he could still be a part of it.
Deep within, though, it pains him more than ever when he does this. He cannot imagine what it would be without his magic. It’s all he has left of his home—a home he knows he cannot give up on returning to.
all of time and space, everywhere and anywhere, every star that ever was
She had avoided the Meadow for years. What had once been her favorite place to stargaze is now filled with painful memories and vicious ghosts. That oily connection to the stars has been silent now for many long months. She does not touch it, doesn’t even take it out to look at it, and never remembers what she had been. Forgets what she truly was beneath mortal layers of skin and bone. "You are more than just your stars, Ciri." The Curse’s words have lingered with her all this time, every night when she curls beneath the luxurious downy feathers of Leokadia’s wing or when she had been huddled in the cold dark, broken and bleeding. They follow her in the storm of her anger and render her into frustrated snarling pieces. It makes her thoughtful when she brushes and jolts against that bright package the Curse had hidden inside her.
What is she then if not her stars?
What had bothered her most was how he left it as a riddle. Denied her of the one answer that she truly wanted to a question she had never thought to ask. As if he knew it would continue to feed into the blind craving of revenge and fan the flames of her endless rage.
She arrives sheathed in the crimson veil that follows her, the stardust that trails behind her as red and vibrant as the stars that surround her scarred figure. She had thought to pass over this place again until she had caught a flicker of light from her right. A star in free fall. Without thinking, she plummets with it. She lands gently in front of him with a flare of her midnight wings, speckles of stardust and sanguine light falling around them. She watches the way it clings to the horse in front of her (Islas, she had mistakenly thought at first) and comes to find it is yet another stranger. Another who reaches effortlessly to the stars and pulls them down around them… Like she had once done.
There is nostalgia gleaming in her swirling mercury eyes, the pupils still hidden beneath the blur of their chaotic movement. There is bitterness in the back of her throat as well as a gnawing grief for something she has lost but can’t seem to name. It’s more than just the fear she had felt when she had been severed from the night sky in the eclipse. It hadn’t just been the Curse or how he tormented her. It wasn’t just the unstoppable anger or the slickness coating her connection to power. It went back further then that, back to when she had been in the Underneath. Back to the moment when she had gotten only a small taste of who and what she was. What she had always been.
What had been denied to her in that cold empty death.
He reminds her of it now, wrapped in his comforting galaxy blanket. She whispers to him, for once forgetting the rising tide of her anger as her eyes start to slow in their movement and the stars around her flicker between gold and red. “Can I feel it?” She asks him softly, moving past the celestial coat and finding the blue of his eyes, seeing no lightning in them like the one's the Curse had stolen from Gale. “I don’t remember…” She stumbles over her words, kindness feeling foreign on her tongue. “I don’t remember what it feels like. Please.”
Lost within an elusive world of stars, Astrophel is unaware of the approaching midnight mare within the distance. It is only him and his stars—twisting and twirling around him. He is absentminded from the world, deep within a dream-like state to realize the rushing of wind and feather that plummets above him until she is right in front of him.
The starlight bursts, spreading wide. “Oh,” he says softly, realizing she is staring back at him. A boyish grin grows across his pale lips. “Sorry,” he says sheepishly, pulling himself back to the present world. The starlight gently floats around them, lighting the dark evening around them.
He blinks with surprise, feeling an inner connection instantly from the stranger in front of him. The white stallion’s blue gaze flickers to the stars that surrounded her. They are not mine. He notes silently as his bright eyes study the midnight mare before him. There is a familiarity in her, a deeper one that he cannot describe (and rarely feels)—it had been the same feeling when he had met Islas, the star horse.
Astrophel can feel his heart swell with warmth and joy. However, he feels something tugging within the darkness, behind the mercury depths of the midnight mare. His boyish grin withdraws into a soft frown. For a moment, it feels as if he is looking within himself, the reflection of the dark mare mirrors the pain he once had—when he had been dragged back to the world without his magic, without his stars.
There is deeper darkness behind her black eyes—anger and bitterness. Naturally, Astrophel feels tempted to reach out to her, to soothe her aching heart, to rid her of the anger that dwells within her, to calm the chaotic storm he watches in her dark eyes now.
She whispers softly, a hidden kindness behind her words despite the raging storm that brews within her eyes. There is a desperation in her voice, a plead he was once all too familiar with. His heart strains at her despair, and he finds himself wanting to soothe every ache and bitterness that fills her.
He grabs at the starlight that remained gently floating around them. Pulling them together, maneuvering them towards her, he twists and twirls them around her. Astrophel says nothing but only continues to maneuver the starlight around the midnight mare. Words did not need to be said after all—no words can fill the void she felt within, but he hoped that he could at least help in some way.
all of time and space, everywhere and anywhere, every star that ever was
The starlight floats around them and for a moment she feels that pull, that call to the stars beneath a slick layer of sludge. The desire to pull from the orbiting stars around them runs deep and she grits her teeth, resisting. No longer trusting that connection. The white stallion issues a soft apology and she gazes at him, feeling suddenly uncertain beneath his surprised eyes. The gold of her stars flick back to that deep bloody red but the swirl of her eyes still continue to slow as she senses that faint touch of happiness in the eye of her angry storm.
Her body shudders as she becomes shocked by the Curse's magic but she stays put, still standing firmly before the white stranger. She wonders if he is star-touched like Islas, seeing why she had mistaken him for the latter earlier. Stars turned mortal, like the Underneath had shown her and claimed her to be. She can feel the slow burn of her anger start to manifest into something frenzied when she brings up those memories and so she chases them away as the stranger’s mouth curves into a small frown.
But he does not deny her.
He brings the astral plane to wrap gently around her and her eyelids fall closed, feeling the way they kiss her scarred skin and dance around the vermillion stars that hang heavy around her. A soft sigh escapes her as her muscles unwind, as she hears a distant whisper in a language not of this earth or this lifetime. In response, her own stars begin to flicker again becoming a pale red instead of the bloody hue they once were. As if remembering what they had once been too.
Slowly she opens her eyes, revealing the slow churn of silver swirls and she finally smiles at him. Something soft and real as her fury, momentarily, calms. “Thank you.” She says quietly, looking at him with appreciation. Sinking into the comforting touch of his celestial blanket like a warm bath, she closes her eyes again and inhales deeply. Trying to enjoy it while it lasted.
The twinkling of her stars draws his blue curious gaze for a moment to them, watching with wonderment as the stars change from gold to a deep red hue. He is perplexed by the change of their color so quickly, unsure of why he feels the tiny agonizing of them. The stars were part of them, part of their celestial force, and he wonders why hers are so dark, why she is filled with such darkness.
Astrophel blinks, his wandering mind brought back immediately, as he feels a sharp pain. A pain he has never felt before, never sensed such darkness. It felt cold, and heartless—something that told him it was dangerous.
He looks back to the midnight mare, his frown still curved across his pale lips. The darkness is deep within her, the star magician senses, protected by something he is quite not sure what it is. It is well protected though, with dark magic and lightning that is hateful. Curiosity tells him to touch it, to try and pull the protected magical layer away from what is well guarded.
What is it? He thinks silently. The star magician wants to unravel the shadows and lightning, but he knows it would not be wise. The pain would only come from it, he knew, but he is bewildered by why it is locked within her, and why it is well protected.
Astrophel shakes away his thoughts, focusing back onto the midnight mare, as he feels the familiar connection to her once again, reminding him of where he was.
Interwinding the stars around her, the pale stallion hears a sigh of relief from her as she closes her eyes. He feels the connection of her stars, drawing him closer in, watching as they flicker to a paler hue of red. A smile curls on his lips, he continues to pull the stars around her, feeling as the anger and bitterness slip away. If it is only for a moment where he could comfort her, where he can remind her of the light in this world, he would do it again and again.
The midnight mare opens her eyes again, no longer swirling with the anger and bitterness he had seen only moments ago. He nods and smiles softly at her gratitude. She then falls back into the comfort of his celestial touch and lets the silence draw between them, letting her enjoy the moment of comfort for a little moment longer.
“You were one of them,” he says softly. Astrophel cannot hold back his curiosity, not when it has been so long since he has felt a connection with another star-touched. He wants to know more—to know who she is and her story.
all of time and space, everywhere and anywhere, every star that ever was
His voice is soft but it calls to her. Like Islas had drawn her like a moth to a flame, so does he. Midnight lashes flutter as she reveals her mercury eyes again, the better to look at his gentle smile and curious gaze. ”You were one of them.” He had said and it makes her heart stutter. She recalls Lilliana’s starry companion, recognizing her as “one of them” as well. But was she? The doubt creeps along her spine and she gives a slight shrug, glancing away from his inquisitive gaze even as she sinks deeper within his starry magic. “Maybe I was once. I’m not so sure now.” She admits. It is easy, this confession, to give to one who is star-touched. One who might truly understand what she faces.
She angles her head, the ugly scar across her cheek becoming more prominent as she turns to look at him better. “Are you one of them too?” She asks quietly, wondering how many graced by the stars wandered Beqanna. He is a handsome creature of purest white and it makes her think of Leokadia, makes her heart stutter again with the sudden ache of missing her. That magic in the storm of her anger seems to respond and she flinches as lightning jolts through her bones, makes her gasp sharply with pain.
The anger inside of her wants to isolate her, wants to keep her dark and alone. But wrapped in his stars, soothed by the presence of them and their familiarity, she looks to him with hesitance glowing in those threads of swirling silver. “You’ve already done so much…. But can I ask you something?” She starts and then laughs lightly, a sound that she had forgotten when it wasn’t smothered in harsh bitterness. “My manners are appalling. I’m Ciri, Thane of the Isle. To who do I owe my gratitude?”
The midnight mare glances away. Astrophel realizes that his curious inquiry might have been a dumb mistake to say. There was once a time he had not been star-touched. When the world had been dark and full of terrors—he had lost that connection with the stars, forced to return to the terrestrial world when he knew he belonged with the celestial beings.
She answers him though despite how painful answering him might have been for her. Astrophel nods his head; he knows all too well what it is like to feel an empty void within you—a void you cannot fill with anything else. He looks at her with his bright blue eyes, a deep sadness replacing his once curious gaze. There are no words for him to say right now because what words could he say to anyone that would make anything better.
Instead, she angles her head at him, his blue eyes noticed her features more clearly now, the scar across her face. It reminds him of a dark night sky, in the darkness, there is a hint of a shooting comet. It was pretty to him.
Astrophel meets her gaze when she asks him if he is one of them. “I am,” he says softly. A feeling of regret creeps over him. It felt wrong to tell her he was a star-touched when she had been one of them—he knows she had been, he can feel it. He doesn’t say anything more on the topic of being star-touched (at least not now unless she asked him).
She laughs softly after speaking again. His ears swivel forward, his blue eyes flicker with joy, and a soft smile grows on his pale lips. Astrophel was happy to hear something positive from her. For a moment, he knew the anger and bitterness within her was gone.
His cheeks feel warm when she mentions he has done so much. Astrophel was a giver though; it was within his nature to always give and make others feel happy. He would do anything for anyone truly. “It was nothing at all,” he simply puts it because to him it made him happy to know she was feeling better within this moment.
“It’s nice to meet you Ciri,” he says warmly, “My name is Astrophel.” It meant star-lover his mother had told him once. His mother had been star-touched too, but truthfully, his relationship with his mother was a distant one. It had been his father who had been the one to love and care for him. “What does a Thane do?” He asks curiously, not understanding exactly, but it reminded him of a high rank within one of the kingdoms. Ciri had mentioned the Isle. “The Isle as in Icicle Isle?” He asks shyly. Truthfully, Astrophel was not familiar with the ins and outs of the terrestrial world when he belonged to the stars above. At one time he did know the world, but that Beqanna had long been forgotten and the Dale he once knew was but a distant memory now.
all of time and space, everywhere and anywhere, every star that ever was
Even if his honesty hurts her, she is appreciative of it. She had been wrapped in deceit and betrayal for so long that any ounce of truth was something she gulped down greedily, starved of it. She can sense that look in his eyes and regret is too close to pity for her and so she is glad when they start to move away from the heavy topic of the celestial skies and what they had once meant to her.
Did she still want to go back to the Mountain? Did she still want the fairies help in reconnecting to what had been lost? Protect others without magic, they had asked. It seemed a daunting task, one that she might never be able to complete with the way things had been going lately. And even if she could meet their standards, even if they could grant her wish…. Would it be a beautiful lie created by their magic? Or would they simply be helping her towards the destiny she was always meant for?
Between these unanswered questions and the growing situation with the Curse, her head is constantly pounding and that anger is never-ending. She can feel it pressing in on all sides, eager to resume its post once his stars are removed. There isn’t much time, this relief and release, and so she takes what she can. Including his name, something she can take with kindness in this moment as she offers him a whisper of a smile that ghosts quickly across her dark lips. “Astrophel.” She whispers, nodding slightly. “Fitting.”
He asks about her role and the Isle itself and here she sighs softly, glancing away again as she shrugs slowly. “Yes the Isle. And as for my role… I’m not sure about that either anymore.” What did it mean to be Thane? Once she had thought it would mean making others feel welcome on the Isle, protecting her home and the ones that resided in it, and reacting with grace and quiet strength in the face of opposition and danger. Like she had once done as the Heart of Hyaline. But this residual anger inside of her makes her doubt her own intentions now.
Now she only has a craving for revenge.
“Have you ever been? To the Isle I mean…” She hesitates, not sure if she should say what she wants to next. The North was still a dangerous place, a target that the Curse would surely narrow in on if he hadn’t already. To install even a little curiosity in him, like she had done with Leokadia, could mean placing him in danger too. She didn’t want that, she couldn’t add another failure on her already long list of mistakes. So she bites back the words she wants to say and asks the question she had intended instead. “I was wondering…” She pauses, uncertainty flooding through her as she lingers near the dark magic warped inside of her and then finally brushes against the brightness hidden beneath. Electrical jolts shoot through her body and pain floods her system, reflecting in the silver light of her wide eyes. “Do you know what this is?” She gasps, clinging to his stars when she finally releases her light touch on whatever it was inside of her, shaking slightly and gasping for breath.
A soft smile tugs on his lips as she says his name is fitting. He couldn’t agree more—his love for the stars was endless, and he loved them more than anything. The celestial world was his guide, his religion that gave him hope for better things.
She sighs as if contemplating something deep he guesses. Perhaps it had to do with his question, the meaning to be a Thane. It sounded strong to him, someone that was well-thought-of within a kingdom. His father would have had a better idea than him but growing up in a kingdom long ago he had learned a thing or two about. Such titles were not always given without great care, and those that held the title found honor in it.
But she seems to be complexed by his question, unsure if she herself was no longer deserving of it anymore.
Her voice comes, answering both of his questions about her home and role. The white stallion had been right in his assumptions, but he wonders why she is no longer certain about it either. Something within her struggled, and Astrophel wonders if it is the darkness within her, the black magic that binds her to such questioning thoughts of who she is.
“No, I have not,” he answers back when asked if he had ever been there. “I use to live in Tephra. Well, just outside of it.” Astrophel had noticed her hesitation, and he pushes a little to ask further. “Maybe you could show me around there sometime.” It was a friendly offer, and he was more curious about Ciri and the places he has never bothered to explore within this new Beqanna he now lives in.
Astrophel’s ear flickers forward, waiting to hear her what she had to say. He doesn’t push when she pauses and feels uncertain. She touches the dark magic, concealing something precious he has gathered from now, and he feels the flick of magic. It is dark and chaotic, but it is well protected. Astrophel watches as it pains her, reflecting in her swirling silver eyes. He takes a step forward and reaches out his muzzle to touch her, to comfort her from the pain that jolts from the dark magic within her.
She gasps, pain within her voice, trying to understand what is within her. He isn’t quite sure what it is within it, but he knows it is important to someone. “I don’t know exactly,” he says softly, trying to find words to describe what he has learned about it. “I know it is magic, some sort of dark magic. It seems to be protecting something. Maybe something important.”
He falls silent for a moment, and then he realizes he never asked where it came from. Had she always, had it? “Did someone put it in you? And why?” It would give him more of an answer, to understand why it was hidden away and so well-guarded.
all of time and space, everywhere and anywhere, every star that ever was
What she had wanted to say, what she had avoided, he requests on his own. She smiles at him but it is something sad and regretful. He had lived in Tephra once, the land that Gale had now taken as his own. The reports were full of nightmares and other unpleasant things that leave more questions in her mind then answers. He had fled Hyaline (and Mazikeen), had gone East instead of North like she had thought he would. Everything the Curse does is unpredictable, making it harder to ascertain where he might end up next.
But he would come back. Of that she had no doubt. It was a question of when, not if.
That’s what makes her hesitate, like she had done when Leokadia had insisted she would stay on the Isle. Anyone that lived in the North would have a target on their back, of that she was sure. How can she protect them when she can barely protect herself? Still, she hopes that one day she can show Astrophel the Isle. “One day.” She finally whispers. “It’s the best place to see the stars.” And her voice breaks slightly, because she has not looked up at the night sky in the Isle for a very long time.
His touch is steadying while she fights with her grasp on the brightness that lurks beneath lightning and very faint shadows. Most had been removed when she had confronted Mazikeen about it but there is no mistaking the wrongness wrapped around the heart of the Curse. For that is what he had placed inside her, that brightness and empathy that he had taken from the white Queen of Hyaline, what he had removed himself of. She nods slightly as the stallion beside her speaks, feeling that hope amongst his stars. The fact that he can sense it… Maybe… Maybe…
He asks her a question and she presses her dark lips together in a thin line, glancing up at him and then looking away. “Yes. As for the why…. It’s a long story.” She says faintly, remembering everything that had happened that led to this point. She still wasn’t sure why the Curse had chosen to bury it inside of her of all people. Why would it give her a key to his downfall (hopefully) instead of just killing her for good this time? She does not dare to hope that some part of Gale is still alive inside of the body the Curse infests but the thought darts across her mind. “But if I can get it out… If I can give it back to who gave it to me…” She looks back up at him, silver eyes shining brightly. “Maybe it might help.” Maybe she could still protect them all. No matter the cost.
“You don’t even know me but… Do you think…” She swallows hard, looking at this star touched stallion and feeling a hope she hadn’t felt in years, something that makes her red stars want to brighten. “Do you think you can get it out?”
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