i feel a bad moon rising; lilliana

[Lepis]

again you’re gone, off on a different path than mine i'm left behind wondering if i should follow The last storm of winter was determined to make an impression. Lepis, sheltered by granite walls, waited long hours after her meeting with Neverwhere for it to wear itself down, and finally emerges into a damp and dripping dusk. There is enough light for her to make it on foot to Taiga by nightfall, she reasons; her wings are too wet to carry her in flight. The dun mare does her best to shake what water she can from the blue and gold feathers, and finally tucks them tightly against her sides as she begins to make her way south. This is a journey she has made only a few times before, and she is grateful the path is not hard to follow. The trees begin to grow thicker around her, dark and dripping sentinels in the twilight. The rain has dampened her sense of smell as well as her feathers, and the patter of water dulls her hearing. There is someone ahead, someone coming from the south, but Lepis does not have time to waste. She needs to make it to Taiga, and to tell Pteron of the curse that cannot be broken, and of his grandmother’s disappearance. She is so focused on this that she does not truly see Lilliana until they are nearly upon each other, rounding a bend in the trail around a protruding granite boulder that puts them suddenly face to face.  There are a hundred – no a thousand – things that Lepis has considered saying in this moment. Some had been sharp, like the barbed mention of secrets during the run-in with spotted Breckin. Others had been morose, long-winded explanations of her emotions. But what she eventually says is simply: “I’m surprised to see you in Nerine.” And indeed there is surprise on her navy face, but it rests there like an insubstantial mask, one that she does not mind if Lilliana notices. When it fades – which it does in no time at all – what is left is as cool as the gust of almost-spring wind that harried away the storm. Not cold, not sharp, not cruel. Indifference, if it must be compressed into a single word; she looks (and feels) indifferent when she finishes the rest of her statement. “I’d not heard Neverwhere was married, but she must be if you’ve come all the way from Taiga.” LEPIS i’m the one who sees you home-- but now i’m lost in the woods and i don’t know what path you are on

@[lilliana ]

[lilliana]

She makes this trek often enough in the fading light of day.

Lilliana had tried to wait out the storm as long as she could in Taiga. But as the day went on and the winds did not die down, as the bite of the breeze chilled against her sleek chestnut hide and the damp settled down into her bones, she decided to simply go. She hides underneath her cover of cathedral trees for as long as she can - a copper silhouette that takes shelter in a small copse of still maturing Redwoods.

When the rain finally relents from a torrential downpour to a steady drizzle, she decides to go. If she leaves now while the sky still has varying shades of light breaking through the clouds then there is the chance she will make Nerine by nightfall and she won’t have to stumble in the dark. (There is even less of a chance for her to trip over a haphazardly-placed rock or small boulder while there is still light. She very rarely gets lost in the North these days but Lilliana isn’t one to tempt fate in that particular direction either.)

Her mind is primarily focused on two faces - two mares in Nerine who have started to make the nucleus of her world as it takes shape again - and as she rounds the corner of a rather impressive granite boulder (gray upon gray on this cold, rainy day in Nerine), the face that comes before her is one that makes her step back. Whatever peace of mind that Lilliana has known is gone (good) and there is a storm building behind her blue eyes as she takes in the former Comtesse.

Like Lepis, she has considered this moment time and time again. What she would do. What she would say. As always, she comes up empty. Empty of explanations. Empty of reasons. She has nothing to offer Lepis other than her own hurt and confusion. It's a prison of her own making and to share it.. to share it, she thinks, would only inflict more pain. It's precisely the reason why she has avoided her. 

”Lepis-,” she starts. The words are there, ready to be spoken (what can you say, Lilli?) but before she can even say what she intends, the dun pegasus is already speaking. Something about the way she implies at her surprise seeing the Taigan mare in Nerine bristles down her spine and stiffens it but Lilliana quells her fire; her temper has already scorched enough. Lepis is not the one deserving of that, even when she throws another well-deserved barb her way.

”What are you doing in Nerine?” Lilliana asks. And like she wasn’t a girl born outside Beqanna’s borders, like she had any right to tell a skilled politician (and twice Queen) like Lepis anything at all, she does. ”You shouldn’t be here.”

LILLIANA

and i was in love with all the things i believed i was

@[Lepis]

[Lepis]

again you’re gone, off on a different path than mine i'm left behind wondering if i should follow If the copper mare had thrown herself to her knees in the mud, sobbed a heartfelt apology and a thousand pleas, Lepis might have been swayed. Might have. As it is, the sound of her name from the other mare elicits little more than a flicking of the dun’s ears and a raise of her brow. With her own indecision hidden behind her swift verbal reaction, Lepis feels free to pass judgement on Lilliana, who for a moment seems unable to find words. A good diplomat would have an immediate comeback, Lepis tells herself, this is just another failing. That she herself has cautioned others to remain silent if they are uncertain what to say is something she conveniently forgets – hypocrisy and ruthlessness make good fellows. The rain has soaked her mane through, and Lepis tosses back her forelock to keep the water from streaming across her face. The unfettered view gives her a better look at Lilliana, and gives the chestnut mare an unobstructed view of the genuine incredulity that appears on the Cleric’s face at the younger mare’s question. What is she doing in Nerine? It doesn’t matter who Lilliana is asking as: an ambassador, a Northerner, or a backstabbing former friend. Whoever it is receives the same skepticism, the same genuine surprise at the audacious question. The indifference of moments before is gone entirely, replaced by the disbelieving frown and shake of the head that accompanies the Ambassador’s assertion that Lepis should not be here. What has so emboldened the other mare, Lepis wonders? Has she grown so shameless that she thinks to direct Lepis? How many other families has she destroyed to be so bold, so cocksure of her ability to command and be followed? Lepis had been fond of the Taigan mare, and those qualities she had enjoyed in a friend are the same she distrusts in an enemy. Her temper flares, fanned on by the irritation of damp wings and water on her skin. Lepis keeps a hold of it, and does not give the mare the response she deserves for such insolence. Only her flicking ears, briefly pinned into the soaked tangle of her navy mane, does she allow the other to see her irritation. “Why is that?” she asks instead of inspiring Lilliana to fling herself from the nearest cliff in despair, or attack the first Nerenian she finds in a fit of unbridled rage. She will find out the cause of this, Lepis tells herself, and then she’ll decide the most fitting punishment. LEPIS i’m the one who sees you home-- but now i’m lost in the woods and i don’t know what path you are on

@[lilliana]

[lilliana]

She’s never had a selfish heart before and she doesn’t know what to do with this one.

It’s in there, battering away against her ribcage in a demand to be set free. But that had been exactly her problem. She had tried to give it away, tried to let it go where it never should have gone and now she has to learn to live with this one. Her old one had been littered with her own scars - this new heart contains faultlines and fissures that aren’t just her own. They crack all the way to Loess too.

When she catches a glimpse of her reflection in the iron-clad grey eyes of Lepis, there is no hiding or grimacing away those facts. There are no half-truths, easy smiles or laughing eyes. That’s precisely the point - when the pegasus mare shakes away her forelock and the look on her face becomes a cousin to amazement - Lilliana sees nothing familiar reflecting back at her. The girl recognizes nothing of the copper woman who is echoing back at her from Lepis’ frowning facade. The girl had been bright-eyed, hopeful, soft; the woman here is hesitant, hard angles, guarded.

Her blue eyes glance up briefly to where she sees the navy tips of the Cleric’s ears bury themselves into the dark, soaked mane before they come to regard Lepis again.

Lilliana exhales and tries to alleviate the building tension by flaring her dark nostrils. The anger is there. And for a moment, it is tempting to unleash it all. It would be an easy thing to do. It terrifies her at how easily she could let that anger fly. At how all these months of practiced restraint could come undone in a moment. They could court more than bitterness on these lonely ledges. No. The Diplomat considers explaining her question. (Why would Lepis come back to Nerine? Why would she want to come back where to where she had been threatened?)

Why the pegasus is here is something she doesn’t understand. Perhaps for the sake of Loess and diplomacy. In the end, the copper mare decides it doesn’t matter. It doesn't matter that she doesn't understand. Lilliana nurses her own ghosts differently - it’s why she has never returned to Hyaline or gone wandering through the Forest. But she has been learning that souls can be easily haunted. Sometimes, the place simply doesn’t matter.

In the end, she shakes her head and bites her tongue while feeling the winter damp wrap around her crimson coat. (She will bite it until she tastes copper and iron.) Until finally, "The Redwoods will be happy to see you." She swallows the words, feeling each one as it constricts around her throat. 

@[Lepis]

[Lepis]

staring at the ceiling in the dark same old empty feeling in your heart The dun mare shakes the rain from her eyes again, a difficult task when it continues to run in rivulets down her thick mane. Lepis is not a creature made for a damp world, and the gaze that meet Lilliana’s is far more steel than sky today. She doesn’t look away, even though  The Redwoods will be happy to see her, Lilliana says. Will they? Lepis’ family had provided bulk to the territory, and now they are scattered. Some remain, but Lepis no longer considers the coniferous woods to be a land of familiar faces. Or at least familiar faces that Lepis had any desire to see. Izora Lethia, whose loyalty to her husband blinded her to the greater good. Aten, who was finally free of the looming threat that only he could see behind her. Celina, who doesn’t want to see her at all. There’s only Pteron, and perhaps Adarra if the girl is not too much like her mother’s side to want to spend time with Lepis. The dun mare leaves the words hanging, much like Lilliana had her own earlier question. Her only reply is a shake of her golden wings, dislodging the rain that settles along her tricolored feathers and the slightest raise of her striped brow. If she knew how firmly Lilliana bites her tongue, Lepis might have said something along the lines of her initial greeting. Something to tip the scales in her favor, something pointed and aimed at a tender place in the copper mare’s armor. She might have, but she does not. Instead her attitude remains mostly defensive, and so while she may think many horrible things in the direction of the red woman, they remain quite firmly within her own mind. The younger mare is not blameless for the wreckage and change that has occurred since their first encounter, but nor is she the true catalyst for the upheaval. Lepis is angry, and she does not keep it from her expression, but it is a simple task to keep it in check. Simpler than it had once been, anyway. “Be careful.” Is what she finally says, the words clipped and short. The mild irritation that remains on her face appears present in her words as well, however off-topic they might seem. “There are things moving in the shadows, and Taiga is no safer than the rest of Beqanna.” Concern for Lilliana’s safety is not her priority. Lepis would not mourn her, and surely no soul could blame her for it. Taiga though, remains important, remains worth protecting so long as her family remains there. The duality of it is uncomfortable – Lilli the traitor deserves nothing and Lilli the Taigan deserves protection. Behind her blue lips, the dun mare grits her teeth, and if the copper woman thinks it is solely for her benefit, all the better. “I have somewhere to be.” She sidesteps, just barely off the trail, just enough to signal that she is leaving. A peal of thunder overhead causes her to glance up, but the distraction is brief. Soon she is shaking her wings again, shedding the water as best she can before looking south along the trail that leads into Taiga. LEPIS staring at the bottom of your glass-- hoping one day you’ll make a dream last but dreams come slow and they go so fast

@[lilliana]