"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
Breckin and Nalia remain quiet, unfortunately. The moment Leilan began speaking viciously towards her she wanted him gone. She turned her head away from him, giving no reply. The only movement she made was to finally stand, her weak legs almost collapsing from exhaustion beneath her weight. But she forced herself to finish the task, for Thorgal needed food.
It wasn’t as if she was ignoring Leilan, though. That was near impossible with the way he spoke. But she gave the impression that she wasn’t listening, keeping her eyes fixed away from him, not even sparing him a brief glance, but instead looked behind him at her son. With a small, weak smile, she nodded her head, beckoning him to come over.
Leilan’s voice became more vicious, and he took a step closer, causing her to stiffen frighteningly. She didn’t care what she said to him; there was no need for him to act that way. In fact, he was making himself less trustworthy, because now she feared for her foal, and herself, that he may lash out and hurt one of them. But still, she said nothing. There was one good reason she would only allow him to be there as a friend, the reason she didn’t trust him. It was true that she was better off being left by him than spending her whole life with him believing a lie, but the point was that he lied. He intentionally deceived her into believing he loved her, he preyed on her desire to be loved. There was nothing that told her he truly cared for Thorgal. If his lies towards her were convincing, then anything he says about Thorgal could be a lie just as well. She didn’t want her son growing up believing he had a father who loved him, and only gets hurt because it was all a lie.
She restrained giving him an icy glare, because her thoughts were starting to scramble at this point, body aching and slowly failing as she struggled to keep her eyes open any longer. Her exhaustion was setting in more and more to the point where she couldn’t even comprehend Leilan’s words very well. Now she just had a throbbing headache, and was growing irritated that she couldn’t get any rest.
She shook her head with an impatient groan, ears laying back, eyes shutting to block out any light that worsened the ache in her head. “Stop, just stop,” she said, almost whispered. “I’m too exhausted to listen any longer. I can’t think clearly enough to make any decisions properly, so just stop.” If this continued, she would become too stressed. Already she feared her milk may dry up because of how upset she had gotten; Thorgal would starve if that happened. She needed Leilan gone, at least for now so that she could rest and think more clearly.
“I can’t promise anything, Leilan,” she added, looking at him through half-closed eyes. “Words aren’t everything. Actions speak louder than the tongue, so if you can’t figure it out, it was your actions that lied to me. I loved you, and you deceived me into believing you felt the same. I can’t trust your love for Thorgal is as true as you say it is. So until I can rest and make a proper decision later, my decision remains the same.”
She was done.
even if you feel all alone, it can’t rain everyday, it don’t rain forever
@[Breckin] @[Leilan] @[Nalia] So sorry this took so long. It’s a lot shorter than I wanted, too >.>
Thorgal made his way towards his mother, a slight bounce to his steps. His ears were high, and so was his tail as he looked forward to finally putting something into his empty stomach. But as his mother stood, he slowed his pace a little, taking notice in the sudden different in her appearance. Or, did she always look that way and he just didn’t notice? Her legs were trembling, eyes drifting closed every now and then as if she couldn’t hold them open. Her mane was stuck to her wet neck, soaked with sweat as her head was held low. She looked terrible.
Lowering his ears a little, he reluctantly reached down towards her belly and found his source of food beneath. Warm liquid satisfied his tastebuds, and slowly began filling his stomach. As he suckled, he felt his mother stiffen, his ears faced back towards the odd stallion as his voice changed. Stepping back, Thorgal stood at his mother’s side, licking the dripping milk from his lips as he looked at the stallion. Whatever it was the stallion was saying, it seemed to upset his mother. Actuall, they both seemed to be upset with the other.
But young Thorgal was too young to understand what was going on, and so he could only tilt his head to the side curiously.
Finally, his mother spoke after long moments of silence. He looked up at her; gosh did she look terrible. Blinking, ears swiveling, he whined quietly a few times, until he finally managed to discover his voice, “Mommy?” He was a little worried for her, as well as the stallion. He didn’t like them being upset; it only upset him in return. He wanted them to smile, to get along, but he didn’t understand their words enough to know just what the problem was. And so he didn’t know how to help.
She’s avoiding him, and it’s strange. Like talking to a wall. All his arguments go void only because she makes no effort to understand; because she’s unwilling to give him anything. Apparently that also means Thorgal has to suffer for it; there’s a brief moment where his eyes flash to her side, where their -no, her- boy is finally latching on.
Goddammit that hurt. To give in to that, and correct his thoughts. He’ll never get to be the boy’s father because even if he tried she would just keep rejecting him and probably call him names behind his back; at this rate it dawns on him that her solution is definitely the worst, him visiting at all - she’ll always hate him and if he fuels that just by being around, then there’s no way Thorgal would ever accept him. No. Her solution isn’t best. But his isn’t either. The only thing he can do now is the hardest thing, and let go.
It also hurts that she really doesn’t want to see their past for what it is. She keeps calling him the worst things, a liar, deceiver, the only things he truly isn’t - she brings it as if he’d done all of it on purpose. While his intent had been to try and start anew; he’d hoped she would be enough to get his mind off Breckin. But she wasn’t. And it wasn’t her fault, it wasn’t anybody’s; but that she puts all blame on him feels so unfair.
It’s strange to hear her say the words. Loved you. His ears fall back at that, mind numb and still, like he’d crashed into a wall. It’s not like he could have never suspected, especially with the way she acted now. Maybe he should have asked her earlier, when at the river she had started to act strange after meeting Briseis. Though she never tried to tell him otherwise either.
But he’s done with all her name-calling, and he growls just a bit. Then his voice is hushed like a whisper, only meant for her to hear. ”The difference is I never said I loved you.”
With that, he makes a 180, and can only do so much not to run away; taking long angry strides instead, pushing past Nalia and really, hardly sees her.
She doesn’t have to see how much it upsets him. She doesn’t need to know that her hate actually hurts. How hard it is to walk away instead of run away hurt and angry.
But once out of sight, he does run, and on the other side of the kingdom, a small tree gets torn to pieces, before he finds a secluded place to bang his head against a wall, where his frustrated yell gets lost in the sound of the waves.
@[Roseen] @[Nalia] @[Breckin]
Told you he’s a drama queen. :|
Two things I know I can make: pretty kids, and people mad.
11-06-2018, 01:28 PM (This post was last modified: 11-06-2018, 01:29 PM by Nalia.)
It seemed that whatever spite these two held for each other, it ran much deeper than even Nalia's keen intellect was picking up on, evidence by the harsh manner in which Roseen gave Leilan a final answer regarding the little colt's fate. Nalia had somewhat tuned them out, a bit bored by this interaction between them. To her knowledge, this was supposed to be a happy time, for the stallion to meet his colt and the mare to perhaps think about forgiveness for the sake of the little one.
But the longer this went on, the more words exchanged between the two older horses, the more worried Nalia got. Leilan was obviously getting hurt by the mare's words, something that Roseen didn't seem troubled by. Was that her purpose, to hurt the stallion verbally before delivering the final blow?
Roseen seemed to get the final word in when she told Leilan that, given how he had abused her trust before and she wasn't sure if she could depend on him again, her decision regarding Thorgal's fate with Leilan would remain planted. Nalia was a bit offput by that decision, but she didn't let it show. In her opinion, Roseen was making a mistake, saying that Thorgal would start growing to know Leilan as a friend and not his sire. The filly almost teared up at such harsh words, having been one of the few in her herd to grow up without really knowing her sire. She was one of the unlucky ones Leilan was talking about, something that none of the gathered horses here knew about.
Nalia was only a few days old when the bachelor stallion had galloped in and claimed the life of her sire in a vicious battle for kingship over the herd. She'd stayed with her dam, to help comfort her in her grief, even though Nalia didn't really know what to do since she didn't have any positive words to say about the sire she never knew. The two of them were each other's rock through the younger years of Nalia's life, up until the point where the stallion decided Nalia would bare one of his foals, just as her own dam would. That had been the point that Nalia's dam needed to push her daughter away, telling her to flee under the cover of night and go live her own life without the threat of the stallion over her head.
To this day, that stallion was the only horse Nalia could effectively say she hated to a degree. She hated him for taking her sire away, and for essentially providing the ultimatum her dam needed to push her away from the herd before Nalia got to know her little brother or sister. How many foals had her dam been forced to bare for that wretched beast? Was she even still alive, enjoying life as one of the select mares the stallion favored for her beauty, or was she now in the lower ranks, subject to his teeth and flying hooves when the herd was forced to stampede to safety from a predator?
Leilan's rough shove to get Nalia to move brought the filly back from her thoughts, the stallion's action causing Nalia to turn her head to watch him go, mutter a curse under her breath, shoot him an evil look before mocking him as he fled, then stop when a twinge of sympathy ran through her at remembering what she was doing here in the first place.
Breckin was also still here, seemingly lost in her own thoughts. Thorgal was now standing and successfully nursing from his dam, Roseen's attention focused mainly on him. Knowing to keep her space but eager to meet the little one, Nalia stepped close, extending her neck again to gently sniff the colt.
"Hello little one," she spoke in a gentle tone, "It's good to finally meet you. You are such a strong and handsome young one. I doubt there is ever a colt who has looked so fine and proud as you."
She continued to fawn praise on the small one for a minute before directing her words to Roseen, her eyes remaining on Thorgal's tiny form, "If I can offer my two bits, for what it's worth, I think Thorgas deserves the truth when Leilan comes to see him," Nalia offered. "Obviously I don't know all of what happened, but Leilan had a point. There are many unlucky ones out there who don't know their sires; I grew up with a number of them back in my homeland. My dam could've hated my sire's guts, and she still would've told me the truth because she knew I deserved to know my sire."
She looked at Roseen for this part, ready to move away if the bay mare got defensive and wanted her to step away from Thorgal, "I'm not trying to dictate your life choices Roseen. Hell I just met you so I've got no right. But think for a moment what it'd be like if you were Thorgal, a few years from now, and found out the truth rather than when you were a foal. I wouldn't like it, I was lucky enough to know mine. At least consider what you said, then think about it from Thorgal's and Leilan's view."
@[Roseen] @[Thorgal] @[Breckin] @[Leilan]
OOC: Sorry this reply of mine took forever y'all. I was laid up recently with a nasty series of colds/flus (I'm still recovering). Hopefully the muse hasn't completely died down for this post yet before it officially ends.
Also, yeah, I can now see the drama queen side of Leilan haha.
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