"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
and let me crawl inside your veins. I'll build a wall, give you a ball and chain.
She has been restless for days, but it pales in comparison to how she feels now. It’s been weeks that she has been too large to comfortably leave Sylva, every step feeling far more frustrating and arduous than it should have. She hadn’t thought it was possible to feel this sickening combination of both needing to move but being too exhausted to do so, but it’s been her state for days and she is sure Ophanim is tired of her by now.
It surprises her, as always, that he doesn’t leave; she isn’t sure how many times she can follow up her biting words with a frustrated apology before he just disappears entirely, and yet, he never does. “I’m sorry,” she says quietly after snapping at him again for no reason, curling beneath his wing and laying her cheek against his shoulder. “I promise I’ll just be my normal mean after this baby is born.” She exhales a frustrated sigh before adding in agitation, “If it ever decides to be born.”
The sun dips lower on the horizon, and the restlessness gives way into active pain, and she knows that she is finally getting her wish. Lowering her head to press into Ophie’s chest she closes her eyes and grits her teeth, her muscles tense and rigid, until finally she can no longer resist the mounting pressure. She gives in to what her body tells her to do, and she lowers herself to the ground with a low groan.
The first filly comes, and though her sides are damp with effort and her muscles ache, Starsin sits herself upright, stretching to clear the newborn’s face. She recoils, though, at how cold she feels, and immediately worry etches its way into the lines of her face. She ignores the tightening of the contractions that continue to grip her, working her tongue instead across the filly’s peach colored skin. “She’s cold,” she says to Ophie, her throat tight with anxiety as the more she dries the filly off the more frost begins to swirl across her fur, revealing glowing lines along her back as she does so. She is entirely healthy otherwise, squirming and alive, but the fact that her skin feels almost as cold as ice makes it impossible for Starsin to feel reassured.
She recoils from her when the pressing pain intensifies, sucking in a sharp breath as she tries to hide the edge of panic in her voice when she looks up at Ophie and asks, “Can you try to keep her warm? I don’t understand why she’s so cold, but –” She bites back a cry of pain, her focus shifting to the second child that refuses to wait any longer. Pale ribbons of moonlight catch the way her coat glistens with sweat in places, her nearly black mane clinging to her neck as she groans and strains, until there is another filly wet and trembling on the ground behind her.
Relief floods her when she touches her black skin and finds that she is warm, like she is supposed to be, her voice soft when she murmurs sweet nothings while cleaning and drying her face, admiring the soft glow of her halo. Tired though she is, Starsin stands, gently nosing the little black filly before again touching the frosted one that still lay curled at her father’s feet, and she feel some of her previous worry begin to fade. “They’re beautiful,” she says quietly before pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth and adding with a coy smile. “How do you always manage to give me such pretty babies?”
starsin
it’s not like me to be so mean. you’re all I wanted. ( just let me hold you Like a hostage. )
Deep down, he always knew the core of him would devote itself wholly to Starsin. From the second he laid eyes on her and tried to act as though that weren’t the truth of it. He had tried to fight it and pitted his heart against itself, but it could never learn to pronounce any name than hers. Her love is the only language he has ever cared to learn, and it makes him laugh when she snaps at him. Every harsh word is just another “I love you” to his foolish ears.
“I don’t mind. I like the way you scowl at me – it’s different from how you scowl at others,” he says with a grin that’s sure to earn another aggravated stare. Ophanim curls his wing a little tighter around her in a light embrace as he kisses at the top of her head. The angel boy thinks he could stay like this forever if the world would stop spinning for a while. His eyes drift closed as he savors the rhythm of her heart in his chest as it beats in time with his own. They form a perfect symphony even when she tenses and presses herself to him. Her pulse quickens with pain and his with nerves.
When she lies down, he paces behind her with his wings tucked tight to his sides. She’s stronger than anyone he knows, of course, but worst case scenarios always come creeping into his mind all the same. He swallows nervously just as their first newborn enters the world, bright peach and perfect. He wants to rush to them but he gives Starsin her space for a while until she speaks. Cold? Ophie’s head tilts and he edges closer to the tiny girl, pressing his nose to her cheek as he examines her. Her eyes are bright and beautiful but his wife is right.
Ophanim carefully curls a wing down and around his youngest daughter. He gingerly fusses with the fluff of her mane and peppers her with kisses as he monitors her closely. It almost doesn’t occur to him that Starsin carries two children until the second twin slips from her. He lifts his head, eyes wide and ears perked forward as he stares at the other filly. Somehow this doesn’t alarm Starsin but he manages to find himself slack jawed while the darker twin stumbles onto wobbly legs.
He collects himself enough to press a kiss to Starsin’s temple as the younger twin sneezes, bringing him back to reality for the time being. “We have two babies,” he finally says, bringing his gaze to find hers. “They get their looks from you. I just make them weird colors.”
Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as you.
and let me crawl inside your veins. I'll build a wall, give you a ball and chain.
She stares at them, at their two perfect daughters, and she again feels that unexplainable tightening in her chest. That feeling when every emotion is trying to surge through her veins at once – happiness and love, of course, but also a strange kind of sadness. Her dark blue eyes look at her handsome angel-boy, and she thinks of how far they have come – how different they are from the children they had been in the playground, and even then completely different from the boy that had asked her if she would ever consider a family with him, and the stubborn girl that had reluctantly admitted that maybe, someday. They had grown, and so had their family, and yet she feels like she doesn’t deserve any of it. She doesn’t deserve someone as sweet as Ophanim, and she doesn’t deserve the perfect children that he gives her.
She has somehow stolen someone else’s perfect life, and she’s waiting for the moment that it all comes crashing down around her.
Ophie’s kiss to the side of her head is what draws her from drowning in her sea of self-pity, and when she looks at him again she is sure he will feel the way her heart swells and aches inside of his chest. There is a short laugh before she lips lightly at his cheek, telling him sweetly, “No, you make them beautiful colors.”
She watches as the frost-covered filly has managed to get her spindly legs beneath her, and though she wavers, she doesn’t fall. Unsteady, she leans her peach-colored shoulder against her father’s legs, regaining her balance before cautiously continuing closer to her sister. She shoves her cool nose against the black girl’s side, before reaching curiously towards the odd halo of light above her head. Starsin reaches for them both, pressing her lips first to the light colored one’s forehead, and then to the black filly, before asking Ophanim, “What should we name them?”
starsin
it’s not like me to be so mean. you’re all I wanted. ( just let me hold you Like a hostage. )
If Starsin had stolen someone else’s life, then Ophanim doesn’t seem the least bit offended by it. He has always built his dreams around her, always called her name in his sleep. Who else could ever pull him from the depths of despair and find a way to bring light to his life when everything feels so dark? He knows the answer, and that is why he smiles so proudly at his newborn children with her. It’s the only thing he’s ever been certain he knew in all his life.
He laughs easily when she nips at him and corrects him. Of course he still thinks she is the source of their children’s beauty, but he doesn’t argue any further. Instead he watches their darker daughter stumble up beside her twin. There’s a short squeak of surprise when the brighter girl’s nose finds the other’s skin but she doesn’t seem offended by the gesture. Ophanim exhales slowly, as though he is filled to the brim with his joy and sudden movements might shatter him.
Names. He never thinks of names until the last minute, he realizes, and he laughs nervously. Ophanim stalls for a moment as he kisses their faces for the millionth time. The darker girl seems to bask in her parents’ affections, lifting her head and smiling when her mother presses her lips to her small forehead. What names could ever be perfect enough for them? He considers a host of names before tossing them aside. Starsun? No, that’s just silly. Max? Too simple. Ophie Jr? As if.
“Pandemonium and.. and Pleasure?” he asks, tilting his head as he considers which twin is which. Only then does it dawn on him that one child is entirely unlike either parent, nor is she like her siblings.
“I wonder why she’s not as bright as her sister,” he thinks aloud, watching her with her mauve halo turning above her head. She lifts her gaze to meet his and snorts softly, clearly unhappy with his observations as she tucks herself against Starsin. “Oh. That one’s Pleasure.”
Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as you.
and let me crawl inside your veins. I'll build a wall, give you a ball and chain.
Letting Ophie name their children was always a gamble, but after so many she had learned that he always eventually arrived at something acceptable. She isn’t sure if she would ever really have it in herself to tell him no, but there is certainly a moment of panic when his mind skims over the names Starsun and Ophie Jr. Transforming Larry into Larrikin had been relatively easy, but she’s not sure what she could possibly turn Ophie Jr into.
Thankfully, she doesn’t have to find out – not today, at least. “Pandemonium and Pleasure….perfect.” She emphasizes her approval of the names by pressing another kiss to the corner of his mouth, and with her shoulder resting against his she once again lays the flat of her cheek against his neck as she watches them. “Do you think she’s cold?” She wonders again with worry, looking at the little girl with the frosted swirls across her back, and noticing for the first time that they seem to almost glow. She certainly seemed completely fine, but when the peach-colored filly burrows her nose against he sister’s side and makes her squeak in alarm, Starsin can’t help but to fret.
She is distracted by Ophie’s assessment of the other filly’s color, and she cannot help but to laugh at the vaguely offended thoughts coming from her daughter. “He meant your color, baby girl,” she croons into the top of her head, and then gently pulls Pleasure into her chest. Soon enough she lifts her head again, and tugging playfully at Ophie’s mane she says teasingly, “Also, Ophie Jr….? If anyone is Ophie Jr, it’s Malone.”
starsin
it’s not like me to be so mean. you’re all I wanted. ( just let me hold you Like a hostage. )
When she expresses her approval of the names he has chosen, a smile engulfs his face. The color of his coat even brightens visibly to a more reflective gold and pristine white. It warms his heart every time she compliments him as thought it were the first kind word she’d ever said despite all their years together. He closes his eyes when she kisses the corner of his mouth and leans gently into her touch. At time like this, his body feels so light and his cares so far away that a gentle breeze could topple him over. Slowly, he brings his gaze down to Pandemonium and he lowers his nose to hers curiously.
“She is, but I don’t think she minds? I think.. maybe my dad was like that?” he wonders as he watches her, flinching when Pleasure squeaks in surprise. Ophanim can hardly recall his father’s face anymore but maybe Jenova had told him that when he was still a child himself. “Or maybe it was one of my grandparents. I don’t know.”
Regardless of why her twin is covered in swirls, Pleasure is still greedy enough to keep close to her sister’s side. She peers up at her mother with bright blue eyes that mirror Starsin’s when she looks up at her, tilting her head incredulously. Ophanim blinks down at her until he realizes his mistake. A soft laugh tumbles from his lips and he nuzzles his lips to the crown of her head. “I’m sorry, Pleasure. You’re obviously smart,” he corrects despite her continuing stare. The dark filly curls to her mother’s warmth eagerly and gives a soft hum of contentment at last.
“I don’t know, Larry is a close second. Or maybe Malone taught him his old tricks?” he laughs, thinking of how the boys continue to fake their own deaths just to rile their mother up. It would upset him more if it didn’t delight him to see them all get along so well. Still, he places a light peck on his wife’s cheek and smiles at her. “Do you think these two are more Starsin Juniors then?”
Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as you.
