the firestarters always get the burns
and the good guys never get the girl
I've birthed two children in this exact spot, and that's why I'm here once more for my third.
This time, I miss the comfort of knowing someone to be close by, but I hope it won't take too long for someone to show up. When I had Tähti, Solace had not dared to intervene, but she had been in the sky watching out for predators. With Llowell, the circumstances had been near dramatic, but Svedka had been at my back, and I'd pulled through. It might have been that he had been there too; I've honestly never seen Svedka any more angry. Only confused, last time I saw him; and then he simply hadn't been there any more.
I miss him. We would have had a great life together, but I've also given up waiting. Waiting not exactly for him to come back to us, I think, but to wait for me to fall for someone so deeply that I'd know we'll share a life together... well. At least this time I hadn't picked someone like Ashhal. I should have known better at the time, but I was young enough not to care to listen to my intuition. And the grullo man... my efforts to recruit him had been based on the misconception that he'd ever be interested in more than physical touch.
But Adriell's not like all of the others in my past, and for that I am glad. Perhaps he'll know where to find me, but I am no longer the person to keep waiting. I'll have our daughter, here in this thicket where I had my other daughter too. When she's strong enough, we can go find him.
Intuition is what I call it, but I know this new ability is growing into something. I do not care - I follow it, and then my thoughts are lost with time, circling, standing up, laying down, repeat. Finally, the contractions force me to the ground to stay, and I follow the instincts that come to me so easily.
It's hours later that I stand up to clean and admire my golden girl, giggling almost girlishly into her palomino fur when I find the dots - not on the left side, but her right. Not golden against a black background, but white against a golden one. But I know where they come from.
I've finished cleaning her relatively quickly. I've noticed her eyes look distant, slightly feverish. But I knew this would happen, and that it wouldn't matter where I brought her into the world. I've worried about it for so many nights, but in the end I knew I couldn't stop it, not before she was even born. I carry the sickness without symptoms - it's transferred to her, and I couldn't have known. All I can do now is give her strength, and find a healer later.
So I nuzzle her head, then her bum to encourage her to stand. "Go on little Terhi. You'll have a rough start, but we'll pull through." One day, the world will not be sick any more. This can't go on forever. It won't.
@[Aeris] tagged you sort of as an fyi I guess (:
@[Jah-Lilah]/@[Amet]/@everyone who wants to go see (or heal) the fever-hallucinative baby (: