This had stopped being a game a long time ago. She had never toyed with him like he was so determined to believe. Never tried to make him be anything other than what he is. Even if she’d had the ability, she wouldn’t have destroyed his memories. She could’ve showed him what had occured, it’s true, but it’s not the same as remembering. He would just be watching a movie of his life, a stranger to his own history. And she needed him to remember. Maybe then he would understand why they could never be together. Maybe then he would understand why she always said no.
As she breathes through her fury, logic begins to reassert itself. That unassailable rationale that had brought her through these years mostly intact. As her anger cools, she closes her eyes, swallowing a sudden lump that had formed in her throat. Something like sadness almost threatens to rise. Threatens to consume her in the way her rage had. But she won’t let it. Won’t let emotion further cloud her judgement.
She had already done more than enough to betray herself. If Dovev had even bothered to look, he could’ve read her so easily in that moment. But he won’t. She has come to know him well enough to know subtlety is not his strong suit.
It’s why she had always felt safe with him. She didn’t need to pretend. To hide.
As he walks back towards her, she knows she has gone too far. But he is not as angry as she had expected him to be. She had thought she could inspire him to fight back. Only now is she realizing she’s the only one who wanted to fight.
Give me a reason to stay, he growls. Opening her blue eyes, her gaze settles upon his. It’s not cold, nor fiery with anger. Instead there is simply acceptance and just a bit of weariness in those vibrant depths.
“You have always been free to leave,” she replies softly, no trickery or subterfuge in the muted timber of her voice. “There’s no reason for you to stay. I can’t promise you anything.”
She almost stops there. Almost says nothing further. Almost just lets him leave like that. Indeed, she remains silent so long, he had probably already turned away again. She has never allowed herself to be so vulnerable, but something in his plea forces her to give at least some small voice to her fears. “If I knew you wouldn’t hurt me, maybe… it would be different. But I’m not sure I could believe you, even if you promised never to do so.”
i see your sins
and i want to set them free
