"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
Alright, so Roma and Kali together are fucking adorable. I’m just saying. Squishy and happy and sweet, with just the right amount of mischief. Maybe it’s selfish, but I really hope Rom sticks around. And not just for Kali. It’s really fucking nice to have an old friend around. Or, well. Maybe an old acquaintance, a new friend. I don’t know that I’d honestly say I had any friends back when I was with her brother. I wasn’t exactly the friends kind of guy. Had very little use for anyone unless I was fucking them, really. It’s no surprise she hadn’t expected much of me when we ran into each other. Or when Kali ran into her.
It is, though, really fucking gratifying to see the way she looks at me now. Like I’m a better man than I was back then. And it’s nice to be around someone who...well...look, I don’t know, alright, it’s just nice to be around her. Simple as that. I cuddle on in next to Kali, who did her damndest to stay awake all night for a sleepover, and just made it long enough to show off the way the water glows this soft, gorgeous blue at night, lighting up beneath the pressure of a hoof and fading just slowly enough to leave a sparkling trail of bioluminescence behind. “Look, Daddy, I’m magic!” she’d shouted, dashing across the water and making it glow. “Did you see, Miss Roma, did you see?!”
God, I love that kid.
But it didn’t take her long to get all tuckered out, not after a day that exciting. Demanding little thing that she is, she snuggles up next to Roma with those big brown eyes and asks for a sleepy cuddle, and the second the two of them are settled in, she turns those angel eyes on me. “Daddy? I’m chilly, and I miss you.” Yes, because I’m so very far away. “And it’s a slumber party, there should be a very big cuddle pile, right? Come cuddle me too?”
Which is how I find myself tucked right up around my baby girl’s other side like a cozy little blanket. Pretty literally, since the second I snuggle in, she looks up at me again, all wide eyes and sneaky, hopeful smile, and asks, “Um…’kay, but cozier?” I snort and let the iron of my body flow over the pair of them, leaving enough room for them to shift about and still be surrounded by my body heat. Fucking weird, but she’s always loved it, and I can’t turn down those eyes or that tiny, charming smile.
She kisses me on the chin and uses Roma’s shoulder as a pillow, and just like that, she’s out. “It’ll give if you need to get up,” I say with a rueful grin and a nod at the weird solid heated blanket that only actually stays warm through sheer force of will. Just like the rest of me, I guess. Iron wouldn’t on its own, but this is a living, breathing piece of me with my heartbeat and everything. “Sorry. It makes her feel all cozy and happy, but I should’ve asked if you mind. What with the weird, and the invasion of personal space and all.”
It had been a good day, a really excellent one as a matter of fact. Remembering didn’t hurt as bad as it used to, especially when there was someone around that remember with me. Kerberos was different now, not the same as before and that gave me these weird not-shivers when he smiled just a particular way or I watched him talk to Kali. It was a wiggling in my stomach, a…feeling of wow. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain exactly what it was I was feeling and until I could put a name to it, I tried not to think too much about it.
Except when he watched Kali with utter devotion and pride…and love.
Which is all the time.
I release the sigh inaudibly as he turns to watch Kali. His smile at her makes me want to just cuddle right up to him myself, but instead Kali’s voice pulls me from my thoughts. I laugh as she dances across the water, turning and running back as fast as her little legs would carry her. The water was beautiful, all glowy beneath a dark sky full of stars and a moon that was slowly growing heavier. It was gorgeous by itself, but with them next to me, well, it was indescribable.
She turns those sleepy eyes upon me and I go back far enough up the sand that we won’t wash away while we sleep and settle down in the still warm sand. She cozies up to me and I smile, brushing my lips briefly against her forehead and watch in amusement as she turns those same little eyes and that small smile upon her dad. He folds against it, just as easily as I do and I shake my head ever so slightly at both of us. She had us both wrapped around her tiny hooves. Imp.
Kerberos does this neat little trick that turns us into a heater as the iron shifts and slides over our bodies, trapping all that lovely body heat around us. I smile as she lays her head against my shoulder and then, with an ability I envy, she falls asleep. I touch my lips to her lightly before Kerberos draws my attention back to him. “It’s okay. We didn’t have much personal space when I grew up, if you remember.” I say a small smile curling my lips. “It’s actually kind of nice, handy too.” I say with a nod towards Kali. “If it is what she likes.” A soft smile as I watch her before I drag my eyes back to him again. That weird…
No, shutup Roma. Don’t think about it.
“Tell me what you have been up too since you and Tycho.” Oh, good distraction Roma. Maybe that will help me keep from thinking about the fact that -. Nope, not thinking about it.
I snort and grin. “Yeah, that’s true enough, your family’s good like that. All about the cuddles and shit.” I look down at Kali, and my grin softens as I brush my lips against her forehead. “I get that a whole lot better now.” Bright side, she doesn’t seem weirded out by the odd iron blanket trick, so I relax and nod.
“Yeah, she loves it. All curled up and cozy and warm, ‘cause it’s not like we live in a nice warm jungle or anything. I think she just likes the feeling of being close, being wrapped up in love. She’d much rather sleep snuggled in between two or three or four people she loves than all by herself.”
Huh. Maybe she’ll go kind of like Roma’s parents, then. When she’s older. So much love to go around, she falls for a few. Loves a bit more freely than your average person, but just as fully. Or maybe she’s just a happy, cuddly kid and there’s no point reading more than that into things this early.
Still, the thought makes me smile, and I can’t help but share it. “Maybe someday she’ll be as lucky as your parents, huh? But yeah, it’s really handy, especially when she’s sad or way too tired. She loves a wing draped over her too, anything to make her feel nice and snug.”
I brush the hair off her forehead and breathe in her scent; she still smells like baby, and how she smells like jungle and saltwater and sea breeze and home. My baby girl.
“Honestly? This, mostly. I came back here to try to make things right with her mom. Which is how she happened, so I guess that goes to show you what me trying to fix things looks like. I thought it worked at first, but...well. Lacey’s still so quiet. Sometimes I wonder if maybe coming back just made things worse for her. But what’s done is done, and I’ve got my kids to take care of now, regardless of...well. So anyhow. I met the twins, Kharon and Kylin. Fell crazy in love with them, they look so damn much like me minus the shiny, and they’re amazing kids. Reilly’s been around for Lacey since...well. Since I fucked things up for her the first time, before Ty. Before...before I knew what it meant to be a decent person.”
I shrug, breathing through the wave of regret that that lesson in particular didn’t come sooner. Still, if it had, I wouldn’t have my gorgeous kids. Or hell, maybe I would, but--ugh, too many what ifs, no way to sort through them all, and it’s all nonsense anyhow. No way to change things, no way to tell what would be if I’d been a different person. If I’d been a better man.
“Anyhow. My dad showed up and took over the island, and I carted my little family off to this lake in the mountains, I mentioned, right? Brought ‘em back once Ischia was deserted, because the ocean’s home. This island’s home. Never thought I’d have that, but here we are. The previous queen left me and Reilly in charge so she could spend more time with her family or something, which seems fair, and I’ve been doing my best to take care of the place and its residents since. What about you?”
“Who doesn’t?” I say about being all wrapped up warm and cuddly with those that you love. I shrug slightly. “There’s nothing more satisfying than curling up with family or those you love.” Maybe my eyes slid at that last part, falling on Kali as she laid curled between us, all asleep and adorable even then. Maybe I peeked up at him through my lashes just briefly before turning them away, looking back out over the water as it shimmered and glowed under the moon.
I listened as he talked, my eyes going back to watch his face now and against, a small smile curling my lips when he finished. “You’ve done well Kerberos. I’m rather proud of you.” My eyes finding his as I talked. “It’s not easy to go back and admit you were wrong, in any sense. The fact that you did and then you stuck around to help raise the kids you helped create…” A small shake of my head, more in awe…maybe amazement before I meet his eyes again. “Hell Kerberos, there aren’t many that would do that. Even if there is a part of every day that sucks a little.”
I mean of course, the way that he felt about Lacey, whether he thought it was still a good idea or not. But he was here, taking care of kids that he had sired. Protecting them and raising them.
I sigh a bit and settled my head on the sand, my nose facing the sea. The smells of the salt and the sand drifting up as the breeze brushed against what of me was exposed to the sky and the air. ”What about you? he asks and I sigh silently. “Searching, wandering, and trying to forget when that proved to be a waste of time.” I managed a smile, lifting my head from the sand even as I shrugged a small bit so I didn’t wake up Kali. “Nothing nearly as good as yours.”
The itch to walk almost made me stir from the cuddle pile but I managed to wrestle it back down. Sometimes it was the only thing that kept it bareable, the not remembering so it didn’t hurt that was. “I’m glad things are going better for you. What’s next for you? More babies with Lacey? Or..no, you said she was with Reilly.” I shake my head slightly, trying to clear some of the sadness away. “Sorry, I was listening this time I swear.” I say with a joking smile. “What’s next?” I say this time, letting him respond without trying to put words in his mouth.
Distract. Redirect. I didn’t want to talk about my family right now.
I shrug off her compliment, but meet her golden eyes with a grateful smile. A compliment like that, coming from someone who knew me before, well. It goes straight to my heart, makes me feel damn good. “Thanks.” And that’s quite enough about that.
“Nah, not more babies, I don’t think so anyhow. I’m good after Kali, you know? I mean things happen, right, especially when the season comes ‘round, so I can’t swear to it or anything. But I’m no good for her. Lacey and Reilly aren’t together, but I’m hoping. He’s a good man, he’d treat her well, and they both deserve some happy. Still, can’t push a heart where it’s not ready to go, so I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”
She still looks at me with that spark in her gorgeous brown eyes, but you can feel that way about more than one person, easy. Hell, I’d accept that unspoken invitation, but it seems to do nothing but hurt her any time I do. So there won’t be another little lavender baby running around, not this year at least.
Also I’m pretty sure Reilly’d break his jaw trying to bite my face off if I cock block him again so soon.
“Next...I don’t know, Rom. Got a few years before Kali’s grown even if the twins are getting pretty close already, so for now at least I’ll be here. Keeping an eye out, keeping them safe, giving them a place to grow up in peace. After that, well. Who knows? Maybe I’ll decide I love it here too much to leave. Or maybe…” Well, maybe it’ll be easier on Lacey if I leave, once the kids don’t need me around anymore. I shrug. “What about you? I get wanting to wander, but you’re welcome to hang out here if you like, for as long as you like. The company would be really damn nice, and Kali clearly loves you already. You’re her very first sleepover friend. Plus, it’s...it’s really nice seeing you again, Roma.”
“What about you? I get wanting to wander, but you’re welcome to hang out here if you like, for as long as you like. The company would be really damn nice, and Kali clearly loves you already. You’re her very first sleepover friend. Plus, it’s...it’s really nice seeing you again, Roma.”
Be still my heart. I can’t help but duck my eyes away from his, turning to look down at Kali with a small smile, my nose touching her lightly and breathing in her scent with a small happy smile. “I love her too, she’s absolutely adorable.” I say it softly, trying to temper the way that my heart galloped in my chest with those last words of his. What in the hell was wrong with me? I had lusted after a few stallions, but never, never had this happened.
”Some day you will look at someone and realize that your heart no longer beats in your chest. You will realize that somehow, the sneaky little bastards crept into your chest when you weren’t looking and took your heart with them when they left. You will look at this other someone, or someones, and realize that there is no possible way in hell you would have a life worth living without them, that life would be this dreary existence where you are just barely living. But with them there, at your side, the possibilities are endless. There is sadness and struggles, but with them there, it’s bearable. Somehow you can still breath past the glass in your chest and in your lungs.” Father had taken a breath, pausing to take a long look just across the clearing at Momma and the Uncles before his dark black eyes came back to me. “And when you find someone like that, baby, you hang on tight to them. You fight for them. You don’t let them give up and you don’t give up yourself, okay? You do everything you can.”
Fuck.
I am quiet as I take a long, studying look at Kerberos, Father’s words still ringing in my ears. The guy he was now, sure, it was easy to love him. It was easy to fall head over heels for him as I watched him with Kali. It was easy to see how different he was than before. A small smile curled my lips, he still had snark in spades. I was glad that hadn’t changed, I found myself enjoying the sass. But the edge that he had carried was gone, the edge that you could easily find yourself bleeding from. That had left him.
“Yeah, it’s pretty nice to see you again too Kerberos.” I say, finally and if I could have blushed I just might have then when I realize that I had been staring at him long enough without any words. “I would love to stay here with you two. Wandering only has an appeal if you are looking for new adventures. I would much rather be surrounded by those I love.”
She looks down at Kali, and I can see the love on her face before she even says it. I’m not the least bit surprised, though. It’d be hard not to love her, hard to resist the light in her angel eyes. I lean down to, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, staying a moment to breathe in her scent, one that had wrapped itself right around my heart. My Kali.
“Yeah, she’s pretty great, huh? Her big brother and sister are too. Kylin’s a shy little thing, but so sweet. Soft in ways I could never be, she sure as hell didn’t get that from me. But she’s starting to come into her own. I wasn’t around right away for her and Kharon, and it’s taken me longer to get close to her. I’m not great at girls and feelings and shit, boys are way easier, but I’m trying, anyhow. For her. Thank fuck Kali’s still little and easy. And Kharon…”
I trail off, grinning up at her with a mischievous glint in my eyes. “He’s a lot like me. Not so much mouth on him, mind, but he’s my spitting image except for the metal, and one of the first things he ever said to me was that I was gorgeous, just like him and Ky. He’s a good kid, tries his damndest to be a good son and a good brother, and I’m so damn proud of him. Of all three of them.” My grin edges toward a smirk, and I add. “Gotta say, I make damn fine kids. See? He gets his modesty from me.”
But seriously though. I meet that quiet, solemn gaze of hers head on. “I know how much family means to you. And I can’t even imagine how hard it must be for you without them. I know it’s not the same, but if you want, I’ll be your family for as long as you need. You’ve been alone a long time. And I know you’re damn good at taking care of yourself. But it’s my honor to welcome you to Ischia, to my little family, to our home.”
I lean in, press a kiss to her forehead, and pull back to smile at her. “For as long as you’ll have us. But watch out for this one,” a nod at Kali, deep asleep with her head on Roma’s shoulder. “She plays dirty, and I don’t think she’s gonna let you go.” Learned it from the best, of course.
“Maybe I’ll meet them all here before long.” I say when he is done, a small smile curling my lips as I watch him get all bright and happy when he talks about his kids. There isn’t a more proud Dad in the world right now, I think as I watch him. Damn fine kids, indeed. Our kids would be pretty fucking amazing too. I let my mind wander, wondering how the coloring would match up. Would they be more blue than lavender? Or lavender and blue? Maybe some black splashed in there somewhere? Such interesting color possibilities.
I mean…whaaaat? No, I totally wasn’t thinking about what kind of babies we would create.
“Oh Kerb.” My heart just melts into a giant, fucking puddle right there before him. My voice going all soft and squishy as I manage to meet that serious gaze of his. His lips finding my forehead and I close my eyes, relishing the feel of his lips on my skin. I release a small breath, blinking my eyes open to look at his smile.
A small smile curls my lips and then grows bigger as he mentions Kali not letting me go. “I’m okay with that. She won’t have to.” I touch her again before I take a long look at Kerberos. I touch my lips to his cheek. “Thank you,” I say, “for letting me stay here and making me a part of your family, Kerberos.”
It was so easy to love this Kerberos. So easy to fall into his sass and those eyes of his that just glinted with mischief. I worked hard at forgetting the way his body heat mingled with my own and the way my heart thudded in my chest. I worked hard at forgetting the way the butterflies fluttered to life in my belly. I tried to forget the way I would smell like him so strongly and the fluttering leap of pleasure my belly gave at that thought.
I had nothing left to say and so I lay my head along the sand again, curling around Kali and just maybe, purposely letting myself get a little bit into his personal space. My eyes stay open, just in case he had more that he wanted to say.
“Glad to hear it. You’re so welcome, Rom.” I smile and settle in next to her, wrapped up together around Kali like it’s the most natural thing in the world. It felt good, curled up with a friend, with someone who knew me as well as Roma did. “Fuck, I missed you. Didn’t know it, but I missed the hell out of you.” Not that that makes a whole lot of sense, not missing her ‘til she was back, but feelings are weird like that.
Whatever, no use thinking too hard about it when I could just be lying here enjoying the moment. I lay my head down next to hers, close enough that I can smell her. Funny how just the smell of someone you care about and haven’t seen in a long time can wash over you and set you right at ease. Kali’s got the right of it, and I think I’m just about ready to follow her lead and fall asleep.
Before I do, I meet Roma’s eyes again, smile a sleepy, content little half-smile, and move just far enough to touch the soft of my nose to the side of her face. “G’night, gorgeous. Sweet dreams, huh? Fair warning, Kali’s an early riser. And kicks when she’s having really good dreams. Gets all excited and can’t keep still. You get too warm, you let me know, and I’ll fix it.” One last smile and I close my eyes, chasing after Kali on her quest for dreamland.
