"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
Okay but the actual bestest thing ever? Cuddling with Mommy. Kali yawned and stretched and snuggled up against Mommy’s side, all cozy and warm and soft and perfect. She was way too comfy to even open her eyes yet, and just breathed in Mommy’s special scent that was just right, all home and love and perfect cozy cuddles. “Hey, Mommy?” she asked, her quiet voice still heavy with sleep, “where do we go when we’re dreaming?”
She hadn’t been right here, not really, even if that’s where her body was. She’d been on great big adventures, pouncing on grumpy tigers and bouncing across a see of snappy chompy gatorbeasts and flying high up in the sky on Khari’s pretty wings. And the sky had been so funny, not blue at all but a soft glowing white instead, with the clouds all beneath her feet and the world far below, so tiny from up so high.
Kali peeked one eye open to look up toward the sky to see if it was still blue, but she couldn’t even see it at all with all the leaves and branches in the way. So she yawned again and rubbed her face against Mommy’s shoulder, making happy, quiet little hummy sounds and snuggling closer again. “How come the sky’s blue? It wasn’t while I was sleeping.”
She didn't want to think about anything. Sometimes this easy life felt complicated, and she didn't want to think about it. About love - how she still felt so empty inside - about loss - plenty of that, too - about the sharp and needling fear that one day they would all be gone and she'd be left behind again as she always seemed to. Abandoned again, thrown away like she was nothing.
So she focused her attention on the newest addition, little Kali. She was the youngest, and would need her longer, would be at her side for longer whether she wanted to be or not.
"Hey mommy?" her baby asked. Hmm? she hummed absently, tending to a perfectly clean spot on that gray little shoulder, the other tucked so comfortable and snug into her side. She knew she wasn't a great mother, had never wanted to be a mother, but sometimes she was kind of okay at pretending it. "Where do we go when we're dreaming?"
She didn't answer at first, only gently cleaned her new baby. It was cathartic, in a way. As if she could do this thing, these repetitive movements, and while her body was here, her mind could go away for a while. She liked to go away for a while. She liked to not need to think about things. About Kirby or Reilly, or even her own son who still made her uncomfortable and edgy at times. She loved him, of course, and her beautiful Kylin. But they had each other, and had never seemed to need her. Not like she needed them. So she built her walls, and she wouldn't have to feel the sting of abandonment when they left her.
"How come the sky's blue? It wasn't while I was sleeping."
Refraction, she answered distantly. She and her twin had been named after scientists, highly intelligent tricksters. Until she lost her. Wallace and Dharwyn. Her Dhar. Or Wynnie, though she had only been that when she was being particularly nefarious.
She realized what she said, and to such a tiny little girl who couldn't possibly understand the concept yet, and she redirected her young attention with a question in return. Oh? And what color was the sky while you slept? She stopped her tending, her self-soothing strokes of nonsense patterns in her baby's coat, as she watched those little eyes looking up, up, up. Then her own brown eyes followed.
Did your sky have clouds, too? Maybe in shapes? Like that one. Looks a bit like brother Baddie, doesn't it? A wing, and that bit looks like a little horn. What else do you see?
Mommy stayed quiet for a little bit, and Kali snuggled up good, drifting partway back to sleep, she was so cozy and comfy. And Mommy was so nice and warm, and the way she petted Kali felt good, all quiet and lovely and happy glowy warm in her belly. So nice, she didn't even really need an answer. In fact, she'd already forgotten the question when Mommy answered her, which was probably good because Kali didn't know what refraction meant anyhow.
Instead of asking, she hummed a little and shifted, resettling against her mommy and nodding sleepily.
"Okay, Mommy. What's a 'fraction?" But she mumbled it so softly, and Mommy had a question too,
one that distracted Kali enough that she forgot she'd asked it. "White, all soft and glowy. Mm...I was way up high an' the clouds were under my feet. I don' 'member if they were poofy clouds though," she trailed off, rolling her head up and opening her eyes so she could see the sky better.
"Oooh. That one does kinda look like Baddie. Good job, Mommy. Hey, look!" And just like that, she was awake, brown eyes just like her mommy's suddenly wide open, and a big grin on her face. "That one's a fluttery! Like the ones we chased yesterday! D'you see it? If I still had Khari's wings, I could go catch it and bring it back to you for a present. Would you like a fluttery cloud present, if I could get it for you?
I can't, but we could pretend!"
