Have you ever felt infinite? Unstoppable? Irreplaceable? HE must think I am foolish—part of me believes him.
I am older now, two…. Three? And yet here I am. Same state of mind. Same brain. Same appearance.
Creamy haze of white with vibrant brown splotches. Intensifying blue eyes with a crystal-white glaze. Intoxicatingly slim body muscled and chiseled from constant wandering.
I got my body like the homeless boy got his street credit—earning it.
I have a sick addiction to seeking what I don’t know. I have this constant desire for death, to die. I don’t ever seek to kill myself per say—even though I may be contradicting my last sentence, I truly don’t mean it in the form of I am suicidal. No, I am not yearning to exit this life. What I love is the feeling of wandering on an unfamiliar fence line with either side of me being a drop of death. I like seeing myself hang in the balance of danger, and be so driven to just survive. I like falling asleep in dangerously cold weather. I enjoy sleeping in the wide-open plains with the constant thought of “what if a bear finds me?”. I like toying with magicians, feeling what they really can do.
I like to feel like maybe, just maybe, I am infinite.
Irreplaceable.
I cannot die.
I am a foolish female, I know. I know that someday soon my timer will tick undesirably loud. I know I will take my last breath and sing my last song all too soon because of my abnormal addiction.
Which, by the way, doesn’t bring me to the Falls border. No, what brings me here is the fact I have never seen it before. I have seen the Chamber, dabbled along the border of the Deserts, and even wandered inside the Valley. I have been within the realm of mythic for far too long.
It is time (finally) to see what the normal creatures do.
I walk with a slight limp, a sign of injury but nothing indefinite. It is a minor issue I adopted after attempting to climb what was clearly far too steep a mountain. I was addicted to the thrill of finding the top. I was also addicted to the feeling of climbing with a damaged limb. The after math, of course, was worse than it should have been. Had I shaken my head and stopped after my slight slip, perhaps I would be healed by now. I didn’t stop till I reached the top though, I promise you that.
I won my own game, and I did it fair.
And even now, I inhale the feeling of my joints buckling and cringing.
The Falls is as pretty as I expected it to be. I watch as larger than normal pine trees blossom above my well-travelled pathway. I hear a faint rumble of water hidden within the heart of the kingdom, a clue to what could only be the magic waters. My heart quickens—fascination with magic.
Perhaps, to make this shorter, I should just tell you what doesn’t fascinate me.
I stop before her border, a thick smell of equine lingering at my nostrils mixed with a soft scent of fresh water. I don’t know what I seek, what I want, what I hope to see. What I know is that my mature body is wasting away so very quickly, and if I don’t start building my reputation, I will not go down in history.
And I won’t get to take down my parents within that process.