"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
01-04-2022, 04:51 PM (This post was last modified: 01-04-2022, 04:52 PM by Rezza.)
appear weak when you are strong, and strong when you are weak.
Kingdom before family. As important as family is in Baltia, the kingdom is even moreso. She has grown up with this, and yet, she still struggles with it. It is hard to leave her daughter second to the kingdom when the kingdom takes up the vast majority of her time. It has not been that long since the earthquake, and while she has of course taken the time to make sure Poseida was alright, they have not actually gotten to spend time together. It makes her feel like a failure of a mother, though she would never admit that out loud.
No, Rezza finds that she can be nothing less than strong and capable. Anything less and Tsilutsuli might eat her, and if not Tsilutsuli, then Helice. After more than a century with those two, Rezza has forgotten entirely what it might be like to actually admit to her own shortcomings and failures.
Finally, as the meetings subside and Rezza doubts there is much more scouting she can do on her own, she finds the time to seek her daughter. Rezza makes her way to their favorite spot in one of the coral gardens. It is not far from where Tsilutsuli can usually be found, but then again, Rezza is rarely far from where the Queen is. Still, it is far enough that Rezza doesn’t worry Tsilutsuli is particularly likely to interrupt them.
It is here she waits, figuring it likely that Poseida would make her way past the coral garden at some point in the day, and for the moment, Rezza is thankful for the peace and a moment with her thoughts.
She cut her teeth on her mother’s sacrifice.
And she had understood from such a young age that nothing, not even she, could wedge itself between her mother and her duty. (Perhaps it is this she admires most about her mother, her allegiance to Baltia, to the Queen.)
But this does not stop her from missing her mother. No, pride is no substitute for her company.
(Is this a weakness? A daughter’s yearning for the warmth of her mother’s company? She doesn’t know, Poseida, but she never lends it a voice for fear that it might be and what is worse than weakness? She can think of nothing.)
She has no obligation like her mother’s obligation, so she lists in the current, lets it carry her wherever it might. (How divine it is to be weightless, she thinks, and remembers how Mesarez had said there was a whole world above them but she does not care to see it.)
It is by chance that she passes the coral garden, by chance that she catches sight of her mother there. And she smiles, stirs herself into purposeful motion, and glides through the water until she is near enough to be heard.
“Mother,” she says, dark eyes glinting in what little light filters in from above, “how are you?”
appear weak when you are strong, and strong when you are weak.
Some part of her wonders if she ought to have resigned from her post and raised her child like a good mother. Would it have been better that way? Or was there some sort of blessing in the privileges that Poseida enjoys given her mother’s place within the kingdom ranks? There is Mesarez, and he would be out of her life in a blink should Rezza leave her post. Sometimes Rezza wonders what lives between them - is it just childhood friendship, since they have grown up together? Is there more?
She could find out, of course, given the right situation, though Rezza does not and will not use her mind reading for such a thing. If she were truly good, she’d be able to say she’s never used it on Mesarez or Poseida, but in truth she uses it often (mostly on Mesarez, though occasionally on her daughter as well). Neither of them actually know this, of course, because she never lets them know. But it helps her ensure they are safe and okay - or as safe and okay as anyone can be when your entire life is lived inside a war.
Sacrifice is something they know all too well in Baltia.
Poseida does not disappoint her today. Even if it is by accident that they find one another, still they manage, and Rezza’s smile is warm and genuine at the sound of her daughter’s voice. ”Poseida,” she replies, swimming to close the gap between them and reaching out to wrap her daughter in a warm (figuratively, nothing is warm underwater really) embrace. ”How are you?” It is in these moments that she feels most like herself. There are no masks (or almost none, anyway) with her daughter, no diplomacy, no games. It is moments like these that make Rezza wonder if any of her life has been worth the sacrifice they have both made. But of all the powers in the world, time travel is not one of them. She cannot undo the choices she made. No, all she can do is try to mend the holes as best as possible.
