It was a bullet to her heart. The kind that stops you in your tracks, makes your eyes go wide and confused like you can't believe you just got shot. The kind that makes you look down and see, but not feel, all that blood pouring out of your chest. Numb. Disconnected.
What was happening?
Her magic shot her.
The world around her fell away in that moment. The sounds drowned out and silenced. The chaos and the fighting, the panic, was all happening around her and yet her bright amber eyes were down on her skin. The midnight blue of her body was flawless, flecks of stars hidden in her coat, glinting like glitter, buried deep in the roots of her hair. Every piece of her was intact, as it always was, as it always would be. Not a scratch on her. They always healed instantly whether she willed it or not, her self-healing restoring her to perfect health instantly. Involuntarily.
But it came at a price. And her eyes slowly lifted in fear as though time had stopped, settling heavily on Rocinante. At this moment, he was no longer her ward's guardian. He became her guardian. She would fall without him. A magic that was meant to save her life, keep her protected and whole was going to kill her.
It was going to kill her.
It shot her again, trying to heal a plague brought on by a Dark God. A jolt struck through her whole body, her muscles contracting as she stumbled forward, her back arching painfully. Painfully, she could feel pain. This was all wrong! Her breath caught in her throat, tears threatening to fill her frightened eyes. Fearless, she'd always been so fearless. Invincible. Her strong heartbeat pounded as it never had before. Not even when the Demon held her in his merciless talons and assaulted her mind since he could not damage her body, not in all his powerful magic. She'd remained whole.
Rocinante. How would she survive this when her healing was what was killing her? The plague couldn't touch her for longer than a few seconds. And then it was zapped away in a flash. And so was her strength. Each time compounded onto the last, draining her until it would take her life trying to heal her. Why did this magic have to be uncontrollable? Had she any real power, she could've stayed alive.
Instead, she was falling. Falling to her knees with her eyes drifting halfway closed. Her face went slack, softer, and those starlight eyes dimmed as she lifted a tired gaze to him. It was killing her. Taking her energy until she had nothing left. She had apologies in that look. She should've told him. She should've stuffed her damn pride and told him of this weakness, this price. Had he ever noticed it when they'd sparred together? How she needed to stop after she healed too many times, too many great wounds at once. She'd gotten better, gotten stronger, stretched it enough to withstand more healing before it would knock her out cold.
But this was beyond her power. Perhaps even beyond her Angel mother's powers. And she was fading fast. She tried to speak, even a whisper, but it was only silent movement on her lips.
"Magnus."
thought that I would self destruct
Raeg'n
but I'm still here
@[Rocinante]