boy what's normal to you? 'cause that sure ain't normal to me.
A fierce protectiveness flashes in Litotes’ eyes when he senses Kensa’s anger. He almost steps after his twins, into the empty space their clattering hooves echo - anything to keep them from the nightmare unfolding in this little river canyon. If she wanted her child, she could have it. If Lie knew whose it was, he would probably throw himself beneath the mountains’ lake again and hope drowning holds less suffering than whatever bull shit he has gotten himself into.
“You fucked Starsin?” he snaps back, replaying the only night he will ever have with her alone. Had she been with Kensa before then? The cremello takes a step back from Kensa, eyes distant as his ears tangle with the wild mess of his mane. Something that betrayal chokes him, but it is severely overshadowed by anger. “She didn’t want me to know,” he echoes, even further from reality than before. She didn’t want me to know? Suddenly the cremello wishes he had died in his father’s fire, or at least that the flames had chased him far, far away from Beqanna.
For the first time, he sincerely wishes he had never met a single soul he knows here; and that flare of panicked emotion sends him tumbling down a cliff’s edge of compartmentalization.
Kensa’s own realization passes across her face and into the agitation of her ears. They sit there as fools, and perhaps both of them are wondering if they were dragged into some sick game. Litotes gulps then blinks away the haze. The anger returns.
There is heat in his eyes when he finds Kensa’s. “Because I fell in love with her, and she probably feels the same, but she is much better at living in fucking denial. And twisting everyone’s narrative to better suit her interests. I was fucking stupid . . .” What started as cutting ends as uncertain. He still loves Starsin, and that realization steals the words out of his mouth.
“Why?” he whispers as he takes several steps back. The gentle trickling of the river unnerves him. “Why would either of you . . .” He stops suddenly, straightens out a head that was bent with the jolting weight of epiphany. “I love her, but I chose you. I love you, and not a day went by that I did not think of you - and I wanted to speak to you, to lay it out, but I never . . .” he pauses, “I just never did. The guilt, Kensa. I -” On this pause he chokes and looks away, eyes misting. Then his chest tightens, and his eyes find that same cruelty from before, and he sheds a couple of tears before spitting, “But that guilt is all gone now. I see I meant fucking nothing to her - I’m not even worth a heads up. I will not remain locked up in her secrets, or yours. And if you want me to stay away like Draco dragged from your mind, then you’ve fucking got it, Kensa. Starsin is all yours. And yes, darling, I do not fucking understand you.”
Lion’s teeth protrude from his lips, and shadows swirl protectively around him. He could leave if he wanted to, disappear in an instant and find Draco amongst a Pangean shadow; but he does not.
Perhaps he wants to be hurt.
and if i fall would you know that to do?
and if i'm caught up would you stay?
@[Kensa]
