i never said that i would be your lover
i never said that i would be your friend
i never said that i would take no other
She had known before the question had even left her mouth and yet… and yet…
How unprepared she is for the jealousy and horror that climb the ladder of her spine and settle throbbing at the back of her skull. She knows she should not feel this, but there had been greed when she had touched that woman, tasted the constellation patterns on her skin and she had wanted her for herself like she has wanted only two others. More even, in ways, though that seems impossible when she is with one or the other. Still Kensa had said that everywhere else they would only be friends, why then, here in the light of day with three infants milling between them does Kensa want to drop her ears and challenge her husband for something she cannot even name.
They have never shared a lover before, she has never considered it. The both of them taking their private time and satisfying themselves outside their own bed, rarely even acknowledging that it happens.
Too there is something that turns her eyes sharp, the edges of them like blades against the whites of her sclera. She has had Starsin, and having tasted her changes something about Litotes mating her. There is no way he feels so casually about her, it isn’t possible after being with that woman… or are her own confusing feelings making her read too much into his back turned ears and wavering smile? She should not care, but this is a perfect storm and she finds herself unable to straighten out her feelings.
I have. She wants to say, I have and I’ve wanted her a hundred times since the first...and you, you must want her too. She does not say it.
“Starsin. She was the one you tried to steal from them.” Did that sound thoughtful? She hopes it does. She tips her head to the side slightly, wearing that unread-ably quiet expression that means she does not care at all or her mind is a hurricane of thought. What tangled webs. Then, because she cannot help it, and because she finds herself wanting to make him squirm so that he cannot notice how rigid she finds herself. “I have met her. She is very beautiful.”
As beautiful as I am, do you think? Kensa wants to ask him, to see what he says. He would not know the right answer, even if he were to think he did. Mine her heart snarls.
Finally, her gorgeous gemstone eyes, glittering, drift back to the lovely children who she greets with the same affection she pours out open all the others because they are hers too. His are always hers too, and hers are his. “You chose well. They are going to make us proud I think.” Us. The three of them, because now she is tied to Starsin in a way she had not expected to be. After reaching out to the twins (who smell of their mother in a way that pleases and confuses her) she touches her darling little Soothe, Ophanim’s child and wonders if Litotes would think the girls parentage to be quite as amusing as she currently does. Or she is just losing her fucking mind.
Worse yet she finds she wants him now, another match upon the confusing pile. Yet there are children present so instead she breathes a prim little sigh and looks at Litotes quietly. Slowly calming her foolish response to what should have been a benign revelation. Or at least trying to.
@[litotes]
