just let me cry a little bit longer, sunny

[Rhaegor]

Rhaegor

the playboy

His actions - transparent expressions of his internal turmoil - send her skittering away. Even before the catatonia lays claim to her mind, he senses her resolve crumbling. All at once he sees split realities, futures where he is with her, where he is with Chryseis, where he is with someone else or no one at all; he sees children of various parentages and he sees happiness with every potential partner but heartbreak too. The unavoidable weight of precognition groups itself between his shoulder blades and bears down, crushing him with a persistence known only by the parts of himself most intimate with pain and fear.

In a moment, they both spiral into a panicked delirium, each suffering the consequences of not being able to control every aspect of their existences. A curse for every mortal, he imagines calmly, as though only a viewer to his body and mind's sudden decay. Dawn barely speaks. But her mind races and its racing does little to slow the ever-rising flames which lay claim to what remained of his confidence and self-compassion.

I don't fucking understand either Dawn and I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I can't be more for you, that I keep breaking you every fucking time, it's not what I mean - I never wanted to hurt you - I'm so fucking scared of hurting you - and I always have been. A pause, its silence seeming to ground the pair for a moment. But Rhae's thoughts continue, projecting into his soulmate's mind despite her reluctance to hear him. I'm sorry that I love you and I'm sorry that I'll never be enough, I can't live with the thought of hurting you and maybe that's why I always do.

That statement brings him to a full stop.

The wind blows somewhere above them.

The river runs near.

It is nighttime, he remembers; Chryseis is sleeping, he remembers; and I am here, he remembers...

For the first time, his eyes meet hers - really meet them.

His voice rasps dejectedly when he speaks.

"What is there for us, even if we do choose one another?" His eyes trail to her barrel. "I am a nobody. I am barely a man. And you have children. And a kingdom." The admittances leave him wounded, deflating. "Tell me that the logistics support this, Dawn."

"Tell me that my love for you in this version of reality is worth anything beyond being a catalyst for suffering, when the universe insists on tearing us apart."

...my name on your tongue and your tongue on my...