"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
He basked in the sun, splayed out on his side. It was hitting him damn hard again, the sickness. He burned from the inside out like an inferno. A body like a volcano bound to erupt in molten lava. It always seemed to make the delirium worse, set in more firmly, and with an earth-tilting sense of vertigo he laid in the middle of a dead land. There was silence and not a soul to help him. Not that he'd ever ask.
The wasteland stretched for miles, and honestly, it brought a sense of peace with it. At least like this he wouldn't have to see Leliana with her family. Logically, Briella was likely near enough for him to call to her, come heal this with her chilling magic. But she wanted to help others, not just heal him all the time, so he didn't call for her. Let her heal someone else that needed it more.
There was a good side to this, though. Being here.
He could see Adna again. His girl.
"Adna," he rasped. She probably wasn't near enough. He should get up and find her, stuff this sickness aside. With a groan, he pushed himself half-way up, his head hanging as the world spun for a good few minutes. Or however long. He didn't have much of a grasp on time when he was like this. He wasn't even sure if his babies had come and gone, maybe even had full conversations with him. Who knew.
He swept his leg under him, struggling to stand as he trembled and felt another rush of dizziness. It was another long moment of breathing through it before he blinked his bloodshot eyes open to look around him. Had it gotten darker? It was definitely darker. He needed to see her again though and wasn't in any state to care whether or not someone saw them together. Let them watch, she was his.
"Adna," he said again, a little louder. He stumbled, his feet shuffling haphazardly as he caught himself. Geez. Wasn't getting a damn thing done like this, was he? But he wasn't one to give up and he pressed on, pushed himself to walk no matter how awkward and slow his progress was. His endless black gaze scanned around him, searching for her, seeking her out in the slowly failing light of sunset.
Shit. She was probably with her mom.
Fuck.
He stopped. Well, alright. Maybe he'd find her tomorrow instead. A shadowy nook in the darkness drew his attention, and it looked like a damn good place to lay. He turned to it, stumbled his way over, then crashed down heavily and felt the collision vibrate through his bone armor. When it finally subsided, he sighed, once again splayed out on his side. Today was not one of his most productive, but nobody was around to notice anyway.
He hummed then fell silent. He'd find her in a bit.
She has been patient, waiting for when it would make sense to approach him.
She watched him and his brood come to their home and she had sat patiently tucked behind her father, peering out at the man of bone and blood, keeping the secret tucked deep into her heart. She remembers what it had been like when she had first seen him, when she had first found him curled on the ground, when she had tucked in next to him and promised that she would keep their friendship a secret.
And she has.
Even when her heart started hammering in her throat, even when she wanted to cry out and run to him when he ushered the rest of his family across the border and when she heard that he was coming to stay. (At least for a while, she knew. She didn’t know everything, but she knew enough to recognize that this was not an entirely friendly visit.) Still, she kept such thoughts to herself. Stayed quiet, pressing her smiling face into her younger sister’s neck—not explaining when she began giggling softly.
But this time, he is alone, and so is she.
She’s older now, crossing across the path from yearling to nearly two, and it shows. She is still coltish and thin, her body not having filled out yet, but she is not a small girl any longer. She’s taller, her face having elongated into the same lovely lines as her mother, her eyes wide and expressive. Those same eyes blink down at him now, sage green and serpentine and awash with mischief and play as she smiles.
The sun illuminates her from behind, causing her mahogany scales to gleam as her fanged mouth curves up into a smile. “Don’t tell me you came all this way for a nap.” She shuffles, touched by just a slight hint of self consciousness before she straightens, taking a deep breath and watching him quietly.
howl at the half moon, radio queen. she's all smoke. she's all nicotine.
He knew that voice. The sun painted her in shadow as it hid behind her, but he'd know that voice, had committed to memory, burned into him to never forget. His cracked lips peeled up in a small smile. Adna. She'd found him despite his terrible failure in getting to her. Which meant she was likely alone.
Good.
"Only if you're joining me in it," he slid to her in a thick, sultry voice, dark eyes glittering with mischeif. He didn't expect her to understand, and moved on without waiting to see.
He heaved himself up to his elbow and sighed, jerked his chin at her to c'mere and join him. "Come stay for a while. If you have time." He'd missed her. Hadn't even had the chance to come check on her as he'd intended. Life didn't seem to want to slow down long enough to allow him to. "I meant to see you before now. And not like this." But she was a good thing in this.
"I'm glad I get the chance now."
He wasn't aware of how much or little she knew of the circumstances, but he didn't really hide his displeasure in having to be here against his will. Or as much against his will as his casual nature was allowing him. Roll with the punches kind of guy, really. Here he was. Was he supposed to cry about it? Nah.
"How have you been?" She'd grown, that much was obvious. Had her damn momma's gorgeous face that pinched his heart, couldn't look away from. Different eyes, though. Her dad's. He hated that, but they couldn't be changed, now could they?
He peers up, thin lips curving into an impossible smile, voice dropping, and her stomach drops, twists, the nerves of it rattling her although she doesn’t have a name to explain exactly why she feels the way she does or how. All she knows is that she feels a skittering of nerves, the flesh on her shoulder twitching as she peers down at him, her sage-green eyes wavering between confused and pleased to see him.
She doesn’t hesitate though when he gestures to his side. She just smiles, a little softer now, and walks over, lowering herself to the ground like she had done so many months ago. She shifts, murmuring in her throat as she settles in next to him, angling her head slightly so that she can look for him out of the corner of her eye. “I have time,” she says, several moments after the fact, laughing softly to herself.
“I have all the time in the world usually.”
She goes a little quiet, looking out toward the horizon, the sun not quite touching where they lay next to one another in the shadows of the cool nook he had managed to find. “I wondered for a while if you would come back.” She frowns, looking down at the ground again, thinking back to when her dad had gone missing for so long and then mother. “It’s nice to have everyone here. I haven’t had that in a while.”
She brightens though and leans her weight more heavily into his side, trusting in the strength of his thin body and inhaling slowly, letting her youthful muscles relax. “I’ve been okay,” she contemplates the question. “I’m glad that mom is home again. That she’s safe. I was really worried about her.” She thinks for a moment, voice dropping a little. “I was worried about you too.” She reaches over and bumps her nose into his neck, trying to find the black of his gaze. “You should let mom heal you soon.”
howl at the half moon, radio queen. she's all smoke. she's all nicotine.
He grinned quietly as she settled in next to him, cracked lips spreading painfully. He reached to brush her affectionately with his blackened velvet nose, touching over her jawline as her head tilted. She laughed softly, telling him, "I have all the time in the world usually."
She fell silent and he watched her peer out to the sunset as she continued. He didn't like that she'd wondered if he'd come back, but he can't blame her. Of course he would come back. She just hadn't gotten the chance to know him well enough to be more confident in it. But she would. He frowned thoughtfully, wondering at why she hadn't had her family all here in a while. Unless she meant Leliana. She was often out healing complete strangers, he figured.
That was her thing. And he had no logical reason to feel a possessive jealousy about it either.
Adna leaned against him and relaxed, and once again he was brushing his muzzle over her in soft caresses. If only she were more like her mother. Not scaled. Not those eyes. She bumped him, her voice softer after she'd told him that she was okay and she was glad her mom was home again.
"I was worried about you too." He gave a small shake of his head and shrugged it off. No need to worry about him. Or no point, rather. He was guaranteed to die, it was what he was made for, the only unknown was when and by who. She bumped his neck and he turned to her, black eyes soft on her beautiful face. "You should let mom heal you soon."
He sighed and gave her cheek a playful nudge just because he could, his voice a little clipped. "I'll be fine. She shouldn't be near me." This was torture being here. If not for her, at least for him. All he ever did was hurt her. "You either, really. But I'm selfish and I needed to see you again." He was pretty much the worst and she'd figure it out eventually whether he wanted her to or not.
"She seems happy at least," he added quietly, the edge in his voice lost completely and dull now.
Adna is old enough that she is suspicious of whatever lives between Leliana and Dovev. Suspicious of how flustered her usually unflappable mother was when her dad had told her about his steel. Suspicious of the way her mother’s wings sometimes turned from serpentine to onyx and ivory bone while she slept. Still, she has nothing but youthful intuition and can’t imagine her mother loving anyone but her father so she says nothing, yet. Instead, she curls into his side, happy to have her friend wrapped around her.
At his clipped words, she just rolls her eyes, all attitude and disbelief. “Sure you will,” she sighs, her voice exasperated. “You’re so stubborn. Just let her heal you.” It would make her mother feel better, she’s sure, and she can’t imagine her dad takes much pleasure in keeping a sick man captive.
When his voice turns dull, her gaze sharpens a little, sage eyes bright beneath the gentle sweep of obsidian forelock. She twists to look up at him for a moment, searching his face before dropping her gaze to the ground, humming in her throat as she thinks. “I don’t know how happy she is,” she says quietly, frowning a little as she looks out, the sun warming her face. “I mean, she’s happy.” He mother was always happy. Always kind. Pulling them close to kiss their faces, curling lovingly into her father’s chest.
“But sometimes I catch something I don’t understand on her face.”
She shrugs, looking up at him out of the corner of her eye. “She was pretty upset when she found out my dad stole you here.” Adna had been thrilled—but she didn’t understand the concept of someone not wanting to be near her. “She kept telling him that you had family and children and that you shouldn’t be forced to be near her if you didn’t want to.” Her frown deepens as she glances up again, trying to find an answer to a problem she didn’t even understand in his black gaze.
“My dad said that you could leave once you apologized to her.”
She takes a deep breath, trying to unwrap all of the pieces.
“Why do you need to apologize?” Then, a little quieter. “Why don’t you want to be near us?”
howl at the half moon, radio queen. she's all smoke. she's all nicotine.
"Sure you will." She was already exasperated with him and he grinned, leaning against her more and stealing a little nip on her neck. He loved that irritation. "You're so stubborn. Just let her heal you." He grunted, smirking but not commenting. Then he listened to her describe Leliana's happiness.
He frowned as she spoke. If Leliana was truly happy, it would be more obvious. His face hardened and he looked away when she mentioned the steal, that her father had taken him from his other children. Brazen, Dagen and Briella hadn't had the choice but to come too. They'd been left in his care while Heartfire took care of things elsewhere and had no one else to watch them.
"My dad said that you could leave once you apologized to her."
He scowled harder.
"Why do you need to apologize? Why don't you want to be near us?"
He stood abruptly, catching himself as his vision went suddenly white. The damn air felt like a million needles as he sucked in a breath, but he pushed himself forward through it, stalking a line then pacing back. His nostrils flared and his chest burned. He wouldn't apologize, not unless that gold jerk dared to split his family further. Then he'd be out of here before there was even news of a steal at all. He'd done nothing wrong, nothing but try to protect her. In this instance, at least.
It didn't bother him to share it with Adna. He no longer cared.
He paced a few times then stopped before her, turning his face to glance at her then away again with a sigh. The lines of his body softened only slightly, and his voice was quiet. "Her husband found me one day and offered me a visit, that she would like to see me again. I declined. And told him to tell her I was dead." He looked at her again. "I take it he didn't like that answer too much. Doesn't seem to like hearing no when someone doesn't want to fall into line for him."
His steps brought him back to her again and he lowered himself to her side where he'd been before. "She was with me through the start of the plague. I thought we were going to stay together, but I was wrong. Then she was gone. And she never came back." He watched the darkness ahead of them. She returned to her husband, of course. Her family. What had he even been thinking? As if she'd ever stay with him, even for protection and companionship. It would never be him.
"I am dead to her and I told him as much in fewer words. What was the harm in letting him confirm it for her."
Blood dribbled from his nose and he sniffed, wiped it on his foreleg. His eyes caught on a small rock, feeling the agitation building in him with aggression and he tossed it away with a jerk of his muzzle, sending it skittering away. "I don't want to be here," he growled. "I don't want to be forced to see her happy with someone else. It is cruel to take me from my newborns. They'll be a year old by the time I get to see them again, maybe with a different dad. Won't even fuckin' know me.
"And it's cruel to make me watch her. She should've been mine. You should've been mine."
