"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
11-03-2018, 05:05 PM (This post was last modified: 11-11-2018, 01:24 AM by Ruan.)
the taigan
He landed with a soft grunt, his weight falling on his shoulder as he curled protectively around the children. Twisted this way, he must certainly look like a giant wolf, his fur coat long and holding the pattern of a proud grey. His size, much larger than a wolf should be, and the thick line of purple down his spine and across his shoulders told the truth of it. As he unfolded himself from around their little bodies, put his hooves beneath him and stood, his shape was further defined.
He was shifted again, from wolf to horse once more.
His soul was locked away from him once more.
Ice-blue eyes peered out from the dark grey fur around them, surveying where the mage had deposited them without a word of warning. He didn't need to look. He already knew. He'd know any part of this land. His lip curled in a silent snarl, though, that the mulberry man had gambled to trust them to Ruan's care. They were all so fortunate the transportation and the shift had jolted him enough to shake the feral haze from his mind. For now. Enough not to kill his own children lying helpless at his feet, at least. Not children of his body and blood, but adopted as they all had been.
They were alone. He looked down at them quietly. Polaris may have another nick or scratch on her glassy surface to add to her beautifully imperfect constellations. A small girl made entirely of movable glass. He wouldn't hold her state against the magician. She was bound to get the scratches throughout her life and he was honored for each one that he'd been a part of. As if he could be etched into her skin as permanently as she was etched into his heart.
The boy was in a less-than-satisfying condition. His coat was exactly as Ruan's had once been, smoky black with a blanket of white covered in purple spots. A purple that began and ended with Ruan. No other of his family had had them. Now passed to this boy proudly to protect him, claim him as his own. They all knew Ruan by the boy's colors, and so they would know he was Ruan's. They would all know he was protected.
The boy's brown eyes were wide and staring up at Ruan as if he might change to wolf again and eat him. And he very well would have, had Ruan not been stirred from the rage that still lay so near the surface. He could feel it now. He could sense how easy it would be to slip beneath it and let it free once more.
And he wanted to.
And he hated himself for it.
"Rian," he said firmly, his voice low. It was a command, speaking the name that Soldat believed to be his own. It was a demand to snap out of it, be aware of his surroundings, and it seemed to work. The boy turned his dark face, dropping his eyes in deference. Then after a long moment, they were back on Ruan's face with surprise. He nodded in answer, not needing the question to be spoken aloud. He'd spent most his life relying on body language and intuition, reading others and deciphering their intentions.
I watch the city burn, these dreams like ashes float away...
Dreams had never played quite so prominent a role in Lilitha’s life before these recent days, another cycle of dark times shaking up their relatively safe and settled existence and spreading madness and chaos, waking the dark in beqanna’s residents that had been slumbering and at relative ease for so long. She slept, her newfound daughter curled tight against her chest, limbs tangled together, tiny belly growling at first. Lilitha hadn’t figured out how on earth she was supposed to feed the small tangle of limbs and fluff, and water could only go so far to satisfy her hunger.
But the baby tossed and turned and dreamed as well, and Lilitha kept fitful guard over her. When her rumbling tummy subsided, she assumed it had given up for the night to sleep. She suspected differently when she finally drifted off and dreamed of a stranger whose appearance shifted fluidly back and forth between male and female, between near-solid black with a cute little yellow splashed moon on one side and a lovely mocha-roan, patches of each spreading across their skin. The stranger smiled softly and murmured words her waking mind forgot, brushing their muzzle gently along her side and examining her with a warm wash of energy that melted tension from her body and left her utterly relaxed.
She didn’t understand the dream, but when she woke their baby food dilemma was solved.
She nudged baby Singe out of her lap and guided her to nurse, perplexed and grateful and disinclined to question what miracle had given them what their little family needed to survive. Singe clearly felt the same, because she nursed with the enthusiasm and abandon of ravenous youth, whuffing softly and butting her head up against Lilitha in her excitement. “My little firefly,” Lilitha crooned softly, nuzzling the softness of her hip with a brush of her nose.
Life was a smidge easier when they didn’t have to fret over baby’s hungry belly, and the pair of them were much more relaxed as they strolled through the woods today. Not enough so that Singe was willing to leave her new momma’s side, but Lilitha was entirely alright with that - she wanted her new baby close too, wanted the reassuring brush of skin on skin, the soft touches that helped them ground in each other, that reassured them both that they weren’t alone.
And before too terribly long, they were even more not alone. The pair came across a motley trio, colorful and eclectic and quiet. “Hello there,” Lilitha said softly, and her smile grew a little as Singe hid herself against Lilitha’s side once more. “My name is Lilitha, and…” She tilted her head a little with a puzzled narrowing of her eyes as she focused on the older male. Something in the shape of him, or the way he moved, or the way he held himself seeming almost familiar but juuuuuuuust beyond reach. “And this little love is my girl, Singe...”
She took a tentative step forward, perplexed by how...how he just felt like he fit here. “Do I…?” Know you? She tore her gaze away from him to look over his companions, a small girl made of what looked like glass and a boy who--oh. Oh my. She stared at the boy, lowered her head to get a closer look at him. Black softened with just a hint of smoke, a white blanket covered in purple spots. His eyes were wrong, but he was the spitting image of…
“Ruan?” she asked, brow furrowing. She closed her eyes, breathed them in, and...ohhh. Oh, she’d know that scent anywhere, wolf and ice and woods and man. She followed it, took another step closer, raised her head to face him again, eyes still closed as his scent washed over her. “Ruan?” she asked again, opening her eyes to meet his glacial blue ones. Was she imagining--no, but she couldn’t be, could she? It...had to be him. Hope lit her eyes, making the gold a little brighter, and she tried to talk herself down with logic. It couldn’t be him, not after all this time, not looking so different. But how many purple-edged wolf-souled men could Beqanna really hold?
She was a great deal more peaceful than his memories deemed anyone here should be. How long had he been frozen in that tomb of ice? Somewhere in the back of his mind, he recognized her, a scent he knew, a face he knew. She was much older, and a great deal larger. And aged enough to have a child at her side. It settled a hard pit in his belly that he immediately ignored. Lilitha, she confirmed for him though he hadn't needed it.
She didn't recognize him, not as he looked now.
To her credit, she tried to study him harder, her brows knitting together as she puzzled it out. But the moment passed, and she continued. Singe. Her child. Time had passed. It seemed it hadn't quite left her after all, though, as Lilitha took a step closer towards him. His wolf bristled and he raised his head, eyes firm. It didn't ease his wariness when she lowered her head to study the boy - his boy - and he placed a deliberate step closer to Soldat, staring directly in her eyes. His lips wanted to peel back, but it wasn't needed, and so they remained set.
She hadn't noticed because her eyes were closed, her head slowly lifting as she scented him out. There was a flash of pride in his gaze at that, and the line of his body relaxed. His face softened, and he was able to push at that strong wildness in him to relinquish a little of its hold on him as he blew a soft breath towards her nose. Lilitha.
"Ruan?" she repeated, her golden eyes opening to meet his blue.
His lips almost tilted upward for her, just a softening in one corner. He struggled with the unspent rage though he remained stoic. Friendliness was difficult, even with her. His king's daughter. An extension of his own family. His pack. Removing the hard glint from his stare was a challenge too, and it stubbornly remained despite his efforts. In some ways, he was more wolf than man. He always had been, but now was stronger.
"Lilitha," he said back, a growled confirmation. Yes, it was him.
I watch the city burn, these dreams like ashes float away...
He was reserved, distant, eyes hard and cold like the ice that permeated his scent. But she was all too familiar with the ways this world could harden a person, push them into building thick walls to protect their heart when it was so delicate, so easily bruised and broken. His rough edges and icy armor didn’t phase her, not when she knew what hid behind them. And not when she could see the subtle ways he softened towards her, the silent hint of welcome in the breath he blew towards her to help her recognize what she already knew.
Of course he was her Ruan.
Or, well, not her Ruan, he was Ruan, her friend and companion, who had taught her no matter what the gods or the fae said, Taiga was her home. He growled her name, and the edges of her mouth curved subtly upwards in a welcoming smile in return.
“Welcome home yourself,” she said, that smile growing at the impossibility of it all. Six years, six long years she’d waited for him to come back, had dug in her heels and refused to make a home anywhere but here. Maybe part of her knew on the off chance he was still alive, he’d end up here again one day. Or maybe she was just a stubborn shit who wouldn’t take get out for an answer. “I thought--it’s been so long, I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you again. I’m glad I was wrong.”
She blushed a little, and hell if that wasn’t perplexing too. She wasn’t really one for blushing these days, and yet here she was. Well. She ducked her head, using her kid as an excuse for the movement, and nickered soft encouragement to the little girl. “Come on, sweetheart, come out and meet some new friends. Look, one of them’s almost as little as you!” She gently nudged baby Singe forward, and the little girl scrambled back against her chest, eyes wide with fear.
“Nobody’s gonna hurt you, baby, it’s okay.” She nuzzled her baby girl’s withers, brushed the soft of her nose against Singe’s dark wings. Glanced up at Ru with a rueful smile as she held Singe close and safe against her chest. “Just found her yesterday, she’s still settling in,” Lilitha explained, her voice soft as she stroked the baby who was stealing her heart with every passing moment.
Her blush deepened as she glanced back up at Ruan again. “I’m so glad you’re back, Ruan. I missed you.”
"Welcome home yourself," she said with a smile that warmed him. It was good to see her smile after everything she'd been through. "I thought--it's been so long, I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again. I'm glad I was wrong."
His head tilted a little and he studied her. Was she blushing? She'd done that once before. The corner of his mouth curved slightly, amused and curious what would put that warmth in her beautiful dark face.
She bent her head and tried to coax her little girl forward with sweet words and a gentle nudge. His expression smoothed over again and he raised his head, ears flicking back and looking down at them. He didn't trust himself with something so precious, couldn't trust himself even with his own children though he was too protective of them to release them to anyone but Bright or Jinju.
The small girl reminded him of how Jinju was when he'd first had her. He hadn't been this way with her though, and he wondered briefly if she should've been raised by someone more nurturing. But, no. Jinju was perfect just the way she was. She'd come out of her nervous shell just at the moment she'd been ready to. He was proud of who she'd become.
He was proud of who Lilitha had become too.
He loved when the Taiga was home and family to another orphan.
Orphans no longer, though.
Perhaps it had become Taigan tradition, and that would amuse and please him.
"I'm so glad you're back, Ruan. I missed you."
She was able to soften those ice-hard eyes again. He felt an urge to reach out and touch her, which only translated as his shoulders relaxing again and his breath coming easier. He would've missed her too if it had been longer than a few days gone for him.
"Time has passed," he commented quietly, knowing it to be true in all the differences he'd seen thus far already. Their Taiga was quieter. Emptier. It had been teeming with the People once. Before it had been destroyed in the fairies' betrayal.
His eyes flashed hard and sharp again and he stepped back, a growl rolling in his chest. The temperature dropped around him, his skin chilling dramatically beneath his thick winter coat. His breath fogged. The feral haze beat at his defenses, scraping to consume him again and he only fought it at all for the children present.
I watch the city burn, these dreams like ashes float away...
Lilitha glanced up at him, a little startled at the way those words seemed almost like a question. Time had indeed passed, and she tilted her head, studying him. She kept right on studying him as his eyes flashed and he growled, as cold swept forth from him, as Singe’s eyes went wide and she shied back against Lilitha, mouth falling open in a tiny scream that hiccupped fire out of her mouth before she choked it back and clamped her jaws shut and scurried to hide at Lilitha’s flank again.
“It’s okay, baby,” she crooned, stepping to shield the girl with her body just enough that Singe quieted and clung to her side without turning into a complete shaking, shivering wreck. But her eyes were still all for Ruan. “I’ve got you, love. Nobody’s gonna hurt you.” Her voice was soft, gently lilting to calm her girl; she wasn’t optimistic enough to hope it’d have a similar effect on Ruan, but at least she hoped it was modulated enough to keep from making things worse.
“Six years,” she agreed, still with that gentle tone meant to soothe the fur at the back of his neck, ease the chill in the air that made their breath fog and made little tongues of flame want to dance along her skin for warmth. “Taiga has begun to recover, and since the plague hit I’ve been doing my best to keep Taiga safe. We don’t have many people, not yet. Most everyone’s fled to the lands the fairies claim are safe.” But he knew how much stock she put in the fairies and their word.
It was so hard to fight it, especially when he wanted so badly to let it loose, to let himself get lost in it. He'd already frightened Lilitha's little girl, and he hated himself for it. Soldat was growing used to his sudden mood changes when he gets rigid and harsh. He hated that too. His breath came shallow as he fought to get it under control again.
He focused on her voice, trying to allow it to soothe him. It felt like his hackles were raised and his fangs were bared but he was not a wolf, not a wolf. No longer.
Six years.
He and Bright, Polaris, Soldat had been gone six years.
His chest heaved with a harsh breath and he shook out the tension along his spine. Then sighed. An apology sat in his eyes when he looked at her again, and god, how she must think him insane now, so changed. He'd find a way through it. When he could.
"A few days for me," he said quietly, looking away. He'd frozen his baby girl with him for six damn years. His magic still wanted to fight like hell. He still wanted to fight like hell. And he would. His eyes turned sharp once more, his voice growling at the negative possibilities in his next question, knowing well how most of the world operated.
"Who claims ownership of the People and Taiga?"
They all craved power and royalty, elevated statuses.
Such a system did not belong in the Taiga he'd helped care for.
And since she'd been here, it was more likely that Taiga would not have changed enough to allow it. Lilitha would not allow someone unworthy to rule over her. She would never roll belly up as others had.
I watch the city burn, these dreams like ashes float away...
Lilitha watched him fight to control himself, watched his chest heave and she could see the wolf inside, fangs bared, the way the hair along his ruff would raise and stand on end, those beautiful blue eyes flashing with glorious wildness. She watched, and she gasped a soft breath at the way he made her fire flare to life and rush through her veins, rising to meet the wild in him. Her eyes glazed, flashing fire, and she bit her lip as she watched him, breath coming slow and heavy until he shook it off.
“A few days?” she asked softly, golden eyes going wide. A few days after the horror, she had been a feral wreck, clawed and burned and covered in wounds, lashing out at anything that came too close. “Oh.” Another soft murmur, her eyes wide with compassion. No wonder he was so on edge. She wanted to reach out and touch, wanted to hold him close and comfort him, but even more she understood he needed to set the pace, no contact until he was comfortable, until he was ready for it.
“No one claims ownership,” she answered him, drawing herself up and standing tall and proud. “I won’t let them. Taiga is free, independent of ruler or kingdom. I watch over the land, and I welcome anyone who wants to make their home here in peace. A few factions have moved in and out over the years, but most seem to have fled with the plague, and Taiga is mine to protect. Mine to defend. She is, I hope, as Romek once dreamed for her.”
She ducked her head and blushed again. “Not many live here so far. More are willing to trust the fairies’ promise of safety than I might have expected. I hope in time it will grow and flourish again. For now it’s just me and Singe, a friend, a stray or two, and...well, and you and yours if you like.”
"A few days?" she repeated softly in question, a shade of understanding and compassion passing over her eyes. He prickled anyway, head lifting slightly. He would not take pity, though she didn't seem to be offering it. He was not weak and would not be mistaken for it.
But he knew she hadn't meant it that way.
It was so hard to be the kind man she knew. So steady and gentle. Now he was as hard and sharp as the ice throttling his veins, needling his heart. Just as frosty cold as the merciless Winter storming inside him, ready to thrust forth at a moment's notice.
"No one claims ownership," she replied, pulling herself to her full height. He was wary of that response, that it said more than the words themselves, and his head turned slightly as he eyed her in steady silence. "I won't let them. Taiga is free, independent of ruler or kingdom." It all sounded so far as how the Taiga was meant to be, should've been. He listened closely as she continued.
Until there was that.
"...Taiga is mine to protect. Mine to defend. She is, I hope, as Romek once dreamed for her."
He bared his teeth and snarled. Nobody claims ownership but her, she meant. She claimed it was unruled and in the same breath claimed it for herself, that it was hers. She even continued as if to invite him and his family to stay, as if it were hers. As if this was not already his home as it always had been. How dare she invite him home to stay in his own damn house.
"Your father was a King," he reminded her sharply, his voice growling. He had nothing against his once-king, respected him greatly, but the words she'd spouted were contradicting herself in a number of ways. If she wanted it as Romek would've had it, then she was indeed claiming this forest. If she deemed it hers to protect and defend then she was indeed claiming this forest. Which was not what she'd said she wanted for it just a breath before.
"If Taiga is free and unruled, then why is it yours. Why do you make yourself a Queen." Because that is exactly what she'd said she'd done. Just as Romek would have it.
He was never one to beat around bushes. He had always been direct and called things out for what they were and his affection for her as part of his family would not save her from it.
I watch the city burn, these dreams like ashes float away...
Lilitha frowned, her brow furrowing at Ruan’s response. “All I know of Romek’s dreams for Taiga are what he told me, what he told the fairies when he begged them to give him a safe place to raise his family, to shield them from the chaos of a world remade. Maybe you knew him better. You were here, saw what his leadership looked like. What title he claimed or didn’t claim. He only ever called it home, to me.”
Her face fell a little, the quiet echo of old heartache drawing her focus inward. He’d called himself her father, too. Maybe the words he said didn’t matter as much as his actions, and he’d never had much time to be a father to her once the fairies had banished her from his home.
“I am no queen, Ruan. But this is my home - mine not in defiance of you or yours or any claim you still hold over it, but in defiance of any who would drive me out, or make it a place where I no longer feel safe. Where I no longer feel Singe is safe. What would you expect of me, in a time like this? To let just any stranger stroll in and call this land his?”
She blew out an impatient breath, shaking her head. “For the first time since Taiga burned, there is an opening for someone to come in and claim it, for anyone who’s so inclined to try and turn what has been a free land into just another kingdom, full of politics and feuding and drama that Taiga doesn’t need. I won’t apologize to you for doing my best to keep that from happening.”
Sparks flashed in her eyes, and she huffed out an impatient breath, neck arching and nostrils flaring. “I’m not a queen, but this is my home, and no one is going to take it from me again. Not the gods themselves, not a plague sweeping through the world, and sure as hell not some random stranger walking in fresh from the Meadow thinking there’s a throne to be had. I’ve made it known Taiga is inhabited, but that doesn’t mean I have any interest in ruling.”
