He held his silence, pressing them on at a hard pace. She was sick, and he kept that in mind, but Dizzy would die and so he could only feel a little bad that he pushed them so hard. They had to get there in time. He wished it could've been someone else, another healer. But he hadn't been tracking Kota's whereabouts, and he didn't know any others.
There was only Leliana.
"You don't need to thank me for this, Dovev."
God, would it always hurt to hear her say his name?
"I will always be here for you."
Fuck. Yeah, he knew. And she shouldn't. Why would she never accept that? His life wasn't good for her. She was too good for him. It would never work. He'd break her at every turn without even meaning to. They could have a family and he'd just bring danger to them constantly. That was no way for her to live. Or his kids. He didn't fucking want any more kids. He'd learned his lesson with his first and only.
Atrani's rejection of her daddy was nearly more painful than losing Cerva was. He'd killed her. He'd broken their family. He broke everything.
He never wanted to see Leliana the way his last moments with Cerva had been. He couldn't do that to someone again. Not Leliana.
He was glad when they finally reached her, when he could sense Leliana already stretching her magic, letting it flow into Dizzy and take care of the most vital emergencies. Saving her life. "Not too much!" he clipped sharply, worried that her damn stubborn nature would have her exhausting herself to death. Literal death. She'd kill herself just to save a life. She'd nearly done it for him a time or two.
He didn't expect her to listen, to stem her magic and conserve her energy. So without thinking, reacting in his fear of losing her, he reached out and pinched her, his teeth clamping on her neck hard and releasing. "Enough, Leliana." It was a stern command, but also a goddamn plea. "Rest first, then you can do more. Alive will have to be good enough. Please." His fear managed to leak into that last word, his eyes begging. The one and only time they would.
And his gaze fell on Diz once more, to survey the remaining damage. Calculating with a guess how long Leliana would need to stay, if she would, to finish the healing.
He'd forgotten about the child, lost as he was in watching her revive Dizzy from her near-death state.
we're slaves to any semblance of touch
Lord, we should quit but we love it too much
