Shooting stars cannot fix the world; Svedka

[Ilma]

I hope that you catch me, cause I’m already falling

Ilma

The white mare is confused, but not in the way she was when he talked to her that dat, slowly nearing with a purpose she did not know about, not in the way he hissed at her with her mane between his teeth, her mind so blank in more denial than confusion it was, in retrospect. He could not mean to do that, he could not be doing it anyway, it wasn’t real it wasn’t happening -

But it was real. It had happened, and it eats away at her on a daily basis. Eats away bits and pieces of her soul in a way she dis not understand. She’s a cracked girl, inside even more than out, and so far she has tried to mend the pieces on her own, but everytime she turns to leave one piece fixed, it crumbles down behind her back - there’s no-one to help her glue, and she’s tiring. She’s not okay, not on her own. She needs someone to confide in, to trust someone, because otherwise she cannot be whole again.

She’s tried to forget because there was nothing else to do for her, and it doesn’t work. Yes, at first it did, but the past is creeping up on her at night. Now that she’s so near to Svedka, unbeknownstly leaning in for the mental support she needs, she confides in him because he’s the one near to her at the moment, and since the longest time ever, there is a sense of safety with him that Kagerus couldn’t even provide before (there was the sense that she could not claim Kag’s safety, because it was needed elsewhere, and she does not think Svedka plans on going anywhere).

So she stays in their shaky embrace, but at least the trembling lessens a bit. Enough to speak, though her voice is far from solid still. ”I thought so. Pretended to. But I’m not.” she tells his shoulder. She hardly moves, she doesn’t want to. Oh, she is such an idiot, now that she realizes the difference between the two men. ”I thought that we... could be a family. Perhaps. Next year. I should’ve seen the signs...” She shakes her head a little, then lets her head rest against his body fully. ”Maybe I’m just too stupid and naive to get something like that so easily.” her voice is still soft - she’s talking to herself more than anyone else. But she does still feel like she could’ve, should’ve been able to stop it - avoid it.

I hope that you see right through my walls...
...you put your arms around me and I’m home

@[Svedka]