The other flickered in and out of reality as he had upon their first meeting, but this time, it wasn't in response to Nih's hot breath racing down his back; nor was it from love-bites or sex or even the after-sex embraces. No, Nuage's flickering stemmed now from heartbreak; from betrayal; from a love disguised in hate so well that he thought himself mad.
Nih...
It was only a whisper, but it left Nihlus reeling. Drunk off the sound of his lover's voice and thirsting for more, an alcoholic, addicted to that which would kill him (or perhaps this is his first taste of sobriety; a saving-thing; a reawakening of a spirit he thought long dead and gone). He reached for the other desperately, but before their noses touch, the other is wheeling around, running away, giving Nih a taste of his own goddamn medicine.
No. I.. I'm not falling for it again.
He spoke in a wavering voice that left Nihlus crushed, pinning his ears and stomping his hooves as if this were a fight and not a reunion. The rain-born pressed his ears forward and keened wordlessly, eyes shimmering with tears; the emotions he felt were foreign to his body, and he hadn't the means to know how to navigate their stormy waters. Instead, he allowed them perfect control of his actions, contorting himself into shapes previously unimaginable; but that's what love'll do to you. It'll fuck you up - and indeed, it fucked Nihlus up bad.
You'll only run, again.
"No," he said abruptly and all too loudly, scrambling to find stable ground in this conversational avalanche. Nuage's hooves stepped back, back, but for every retreating step Nihlus took two forward, unable to respect the other's privacy, lost to the panic of his own mind despite the anger that flared on Nuage's delicate face. He wasn't scared of Nuage's anger - not of his hooves or teeth - but he was scared of his love. Scared, and in awe; a kind of worshipful emotion that left Nihlus devastated and without.
"No, Nuage, I won't. Please, please come here," Nih reached out again, and cringed when he was denied. His heart hammered. He needed to fix this now. "Please Nuage, I'll do anything to prove this to you -- m-my love, I mean I'll -- I love you and I'll do anything for you." The tears that had welled in his eyes now spilled down his dark cheekbones, glimmering in the dim starlight. "I'll follow you to the ends of the earth, to hell itself, I want to be with you in every way no matter what --"
He sucked in a breath, cutting off his rambling words. He could see in Nuage's expression that this wasn't enough; that what he would do did not erase what he had done. He deserved an explanation - and even more than that, demanded one. Nih's gaze dropped shamefully, the vulnerability of the scenario making his skin feel translucent.
"Nuage, I left you because I thought the distance would help me to forget about us. But every day this feeling I have has grown stronger, and I - I've changed my mind about us. I don't want to forget." He bit his lip, looked up, spoke more forcefully. "I can't even look at other men without feeling guilty because goddamnit Nuage, it's your face I see in every dream, and its your touch I crave beyond reason. I'm ruined, Nuage, and I thought that I could be fixed if I stayed away."
A silence fell, the half-yelled words sizzling electrically between them. As his expression softened, Nihlus stepped forward, hoped that Nuage would not step back, lost himself in the way his lover's blue eyes finally met his own. "But I was wrong, Nuage. I don't want to be whole."
"I just want to be yours."
Nihlus
that's all I want
@[Nuage]