it's just a little white lie, adna

[bethlehem]

I can get there on my own. you can leave me here alone.

Perhaps he notices the changes in her.
Perhaps he doesn’t.
Perhaps he’s too distracted by the way his heart beats different just by being around her.

And maybe he would never admit it but she has reoriented his pulse and even if he had tried to cast himself into the river, it would not feel the same. He will likely never admit it but she has changed him on some visceral level but he does not know to resent her for it.

Because he never asked for this.
Because he was perfectly happy to live his life alone.
Because he had come to accept his station in life as nothing and no one.

And then she’d looked at him like he should be something more. And he’d tried. God, he’d tried. And it was so exhausting to try and have it absolutely never be enough.

He doesn’t know how they got here.
But he drags in a shuddering breath and he studies her in this perpetual half-darkness and swallows thickly. He suspects he already knows what her decision is but he knows better than to assume. He is a fool but he is not stupid.

“And what is that?” he asks. There is no edge to his tone. He is not looking to incite a riot. It is plain, just like the rest of him. Bled through with a patience that does not necessarily come naturally to him. 

BETHLEHEM

I'm just tryin' to do what's right. oh, a man ain't a man unless he's fought the fight.