so reckless you might start feeling; beth

[adna]

one touch will make you so nervous you might stop breathing
one touch will make you so reckless you might start feeling
one touch will finally show to me what you can't hide

She misses the way that his breath drags in or the way that his smile is not as bright as usual. She doesn’t see anything because the relief that floods through her is palpable. She feels it like a keen edge and then she feels it slip away until she is nearly dizzy with it. “Thank you,” she whispers when he presses a kiss to her head and she leans into him, angles her head so that she can kiss his neck. “Thank you so much.”

She bites back the need to tell him how much it means to her.

To explain that she never expects anyone to put her first.

That she only expects them to leave.

So she forces herself to step away again and then curl around, turning her fine head toward the south. It feels like a strange weight to be forcing herself forward, to walk down toward the kingdom that she had made a strange promise she would never visit again. She struggles to breathe around it but when she feels him stepping next to her, she finds that it is a little easier—that it’s just a little simpler.

For a moment, they are quiet as they move through the trees, her eyes constantly roving and looking for a sign of their fierce, green-eyed daughter. Her shoulder brushes against him and she fights against the shiver that runs through her every time—the way it always feels so foreign and new each time.

“I haven’t been back to Loess since Rupture and Bela were born,” she says it quietly, wondering if he can hear her. “Have you ever felt like some place is haunted by ghosts?” She frowns and drops her gaze but is careful to not slow her pace, no matter how much she doesn’t want to be moving forward.

“That’s ridiculous. I don’t know why I said that.”

ADNA