[private] oh me oh my, i thought it was a dream... [star pony]

[Kagerus]

K

oh me oh my, i thought it was a dream...

River run and river flow
River turn and river grow
River come and river go
River... river... river...

In the wake of the quest, all fell silent.

The voices I once knew intimately spoke no more; similarly, the light shone not. Within moments - or lifetimes - I became critically aware of the nothingness surrounding me. Nothingness that denied me access to it, plucking its own strings in a tuneless melody. Pluck, pluck, pluck. Even that sound evaded me. Eventually, as the blackness swallowed what remained of my subconscious, thought ceased.

Death began.

The journey to the afterlife was hazy. Vaguely I recall catching glimpses of a leopard stalking by my side as I navigated through what I could only describe as a wormhole, as something even my dreams could never muster. That time, too, felt eternal. Although I embodied nothing close to a corporeal form, a breeze tingled against me every now and again: one of salt. Stale, lifeless, salt.

By the time I arrived there, the previous two forms of death fell by the wayside of my memory's capacity. Perhaps next time I arrived here, I would recall; a strong sense of deja-vu; something I swear I had seen before.

Two important things happened in the afterlife.

The first found me silverline and purring, her wide eyes as alive as the day I first met them. "Hello, horse." The spirit's mouth moved as she spoke, but I did not find this strange; instead, I smiled dazedly, not properly registering the grey mirk around us. My ghostly lips found the tip of my familiar's ear. It felt insubstantial. "Now, now," she chuckled; her voice matched that which had filled my head for years previous. Matronly, playful, wise. Shaking herself away, Panthera took a step back. From this new vantage point, my eyes grappled with the apparition of a flower and vine upon the leopard's chest; a symbol, of what I knew but could not recall. My lips parted in question - too slow. "A story for another time, dear friend. For the next time we are together."

"What do you mean?"

Her lips curled in a characteristic grin, revealing her predator's array of ivories. "What, you don't think I'm going to allow you to stay here, do you? No, darling. Beqanna has far too many plans for you yet." Again, she chuckled, and again, I made as if to speak; but a disturbance in the surrounding murk left me speechless once more.

"Hello, Kagerus."

"Grandmother..."

She looked as I remembered. She looked like me. Eye to eye, we stood as duplicates (save for a single detail: on her chest, a flower and vine. On mine, nothing). Yet suspended in my reverie, I watched without interrupting as Kagerou leaned to affectionately nuzzle my familiar, a wide smile stretching her lips. They know one another, I thought to myself. Knowingly, they each looked at me and nodded their heads in silent affirmation. Something itched in the back of my head, but death dulled me; I simply smiled in return, happy for my family to be as one.

Questions would come later: later, when it would be too late to receive any answers.

"Kagerus," said Grandmother. I met her gaze. "You will return to Beqanna now."

"Now?" My voice cracked anxiously. "But I've only just arrived!"

My sire's dam's smile quieted sadly, though the knowing glint of her eyes remained steadfast. "It has been longer than you might guess, child. Long enough for your wife to be caught between here and there. Long enough for your children to be grown. Long enough for your kingdom to be... dismantled." The rawness of her words spoke to how personally she meant them, as though perhaps she had experienced as much herself. To be fair, I rationalized, she is also dead. She has been since you were born.

Born. I rolled the word over in my mind, speculating at such an event.

"Yes," Panthera said, stepping closer. Her tail wrapped affectionately around my granddam's foreleg. "It is time for you to be reborn." 

I nodded, a grin splitting my childlike lips. "I can't wait to meet you there, Panthera." 

"You will have to make this journey alone, my friend."

Their images faltered. "What do you mean, alone?"

Panthera's eyes held mine firmly. "I love you."

"For your efforts, Beqanna has granted you power beyond what your material form can host. Panthera will be staying here with me." Though her voice wavered and threatened to disconnect, her words struck me to my core. An urgency lit within me, a tugging sensation in the pit of my stomach warning me of... birth. Desperate, I reached to embrace my family one last time; though their figures were like paper, the beating of their hearts restarted my own.

"I love you both." I felt myself being pulled through the wormhole.

"I love you -" The blackness returned.

***

River run and river flow
River turn and river grow
River come and river go
River... river... river...

Where am I?

An overcast sky cages me here. A forest.

At my chest, the frigid river water laps. Wake up, it burgles. Wake up.

But my head... The moist loam yields to the pressure of my arching neck, wetting the place between my ears. Confusion results. My antlers?

A vision comes to me. One of a mare and a leopard, their markings eerily alike.

Panthera?!

But no answer comes.

With the whites of my eyes showing and half my body immersed in the freezing spring waters, I lay: reborn.