He hates the hurt in her eyes, the hurt that so quickly doubles with pain and anger, and this is reassuring. He wants her to hate him. Hate him as much as he hates himself. Hate him for his cruel ways and selfish heart and the way that he takes and then throws away however he pleases because it’s easier than opening himself up for similar hurt. So he doesn’t shy from the storms that reflect in her eyes behind the tears and he doesn’t flinch from the sharpness in her words. I don’t understand me either, he wants to say, but he remains silent, absorbing the anger and the daggers that she throws at him, letting them bounce off.
He hopes that she will turn away—that this will finally drive her from him—but she persists.
Before he can make the decision for them, storm clouds darkening the skies, threatening to rip open above them, she is asking him one final question and the way that her voice breaks undoes him. He bites his tongue until he can taste the blood and when the summer rain finally does fall, he doesn’t acknowledge it.
“You,” he growls and the answer is as much an accusation as anything else. “I want you, Kensa. All of you. Does it make you happier to hear me say it?” His light eyes turn mercurial behind the tangles of his forelock, his mouth twisted into something fierce. “I just met you and I want you and I can’t be trusted with that.” The words fall over themselves, his voice lower than usual, eyes pinning her there.
“Right now, I would beat myself black and blue for you.”
He curses under his breath, the rain falling harder and causing his mane to stick to his heavy neck, splaying across the muscle and the untouched flesh—hardened by exertion and untouched by war. He looks back to her and takes a step back. “I would destroy you, Kensa,” her name is sweet still, poisoned honey and he lets it linger, “and I would enjoy it. So I have to go. I can’t stay here.” Another step back, lightening cracking above them and illuminating the area that had suddenly become so dark.
BRIGADE
when I was a man I thought it ended when I knew love's perfect ache
but my peace has always depended on all the ashes in my wake
@[Kensa]