Shooting stars cannot fix the world; Svedka

[Ilma]

I hope that you catch me, ‘cause I’m already falling

Ilma

Time is a fickle thing, is it not?

The moment she wished might last forever (a feeling of satisfaction for telling someone, to cuddle him, telling without looking him in the eye because if she did she would shatter twice over, instead she likes to just feel his warmth caressing her), that moment is the shortest. Fleeting. The moment that follows, right after and which undoubtedly takes an equal amount of time, is one of the longest. She feels his heartbeat, she feels him tense in anticipation as his subconscious registers what his mind is not yet willing to accept, and she knows she has been relieved of her stain only to let him bear it with her. And she regrets telling, no, she almost regrets, because someone knows how she feels about it, and that someone is a someone she would have much, much rather shared her body with than with the wolf-stallion who simply took it from her.

She’s not even realizing where that thought comes from, and dismisses it just as quickly. The point here is that Svedka would have been abke to give instead of take. But regrets don’t fix the holes inside, and she mindlessly moves about his fur, cleaning small bits of snow off his back, subconsciously from wanting him to not be so tense, to relax, it’s all over and done with. He talks to her then, and for the first time in forever, she smiles warmly, because she hears how much he cares.

So she continues to groom - she has a sudden need to, wanting to overwrite the memory of another man, focusing on the one before (next to, under, above) her like it’s the last thing she will ever do. He tells her that darkness will not stain her forever, and she stops for a moment, thinking about what that means. With a small frown, she declines the thought that he meant she is stained now, impure or whatever, but accepts the meaning that the weight of the intrusion is upon her mind too heavily. And that he’s willing to share the load with her. ”Please don’t let it stain you instead.” she mumbles into his mane, the blue streaks on white, moving her head softly over his neck. She wants so much more for him. So much better. And she wants more for herself, too, she knows, and wonders why she did not want this on time so none of this might have happened. But she wonders what he wants, what makes him happy in this life. Because if what she wants doesn’t make him happy too, she doesn’t want it.

don't let the fear of flying stop you from falling

@[Svedka]
Still secretly crushing on him, lol.