Death. Grim, wide and gaping. A chasm that couldn't be filled. Could one say they were alive when they did not feel it? Could they be alive when they did not live? Existing in a world where one was constantly mimicking behavior they had witnessed from those around them was not truly life. His dust and charcoal form was unwavering in the moonlight that dripped down from the sky, the only light that reflected from his dark eyes. He was not much of an insomniac, but some nights he stood watching. He knew not what he watched for or why it was so important to maintain vigilance. She was gone and he was far away from the last place he had seen her. It wasn't exactly that he cared. He found it hard to feel anything. The beast within batted it eyes, yawning in boredom at the turmoil that wrought his frame. Could he actually be in turmoil if he did not care? Why did it bother him that she had left the forest? Hadn't he told her he didn't care. Hadn't he begrudgingly given her a temporary leave to stay? It wasn't as if he'd grown used to her insufferable company.
Yet, once he had grown used to her presence he had not allowed her to leave. Without chains, she had still been captive. Without claim, she had still been his. Damn that creature. Damn her vulnerable nature that had stirred the beast into a complete disregard for what sense it made in his iron clad will for keeping her there. Damn her for the jealousy that stirred in the pit of his stomach. Not jealousy over another. He knew why she had left. He had tied her down. He had forced her to endure his demanding and commanding presence day in and day out. When others called, he had feigned some semblance of civility. At night, however, when just the two were left in his wooded abode? She belonged to the beast. Though one might think he referred to himself in such a way, it was simple fact that the beast and he were separate and yet the same. The beast slunk behind a curtain always waiting for his guard to drop. Always, it was prepared to devour and consume. With Suli, however, it was different. It consumed in a different way. It drank in her light like a leech with blood. It demanded things that Pernicies had never conceived possible. Why should he care if she never came back? Why should he care if she ever cared for him? It had never taunted him before. He had never lain awake in the dead of night, staring up at the moon in the hopes that she eyed the same one before. Why now did the notion of her leaving consume him with such raw anger?
His skull jerked upward, his jaw suddenly clenching as that old bestial sound rumbled from deep with his chest. His muscles tensed and he found himself turning sideways to face the woods he'd come from. Nostrils flared, soaking in the scents that wafted from the treeline. The beast lifted its head, eyes finally opening with some interest as it stretched in an almost feline manner. It waited, as he did, on baited breath. There was nothing in those woods. He was on edge. That was why he was staring into the empty void of darkness before him. Inky locks twitched at his hind quarters and finally he snapped his teeth audibly. "Leave." A simple would. It brooked no argument. It spoke in the way his voice curled softly, almost sickeningly quiet, from his throat and past his lips. It was not growled. It was not yelled. It simply floated out as though a whisper to a child. Yet, within that single word lay a world of threat and damnation. It almost crackled in the air around him.
It seemed that even worlds apart, she haunted him. He spoke to ghosts. He spoke to nothing. He thrived on anger. He lived for the sake of cursing her name in almost every breath. He couldn't stand the thought of her. He couldn't stand not thinking of her. It was eternal damnation he had bargained for. It had started in the woods. Why then could it not end in them? Why did she have to remain a phantom? Elusive and yet so real in his minds eyes, that when he cursed her in his mind, he felt she could hear it? The twinge of regret that came with that thought was otherworldly to him. Even now she was causing him to develop instances of feeling that almost seemed real. How could a creature such as him feel anything when he'd never known feeling before? Regret, anger, hope, sadness. They had always been a foreign concept to him. Until her.
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@[Suli]
