01-10-2019, 12:05 PM
Her gaze lingers on me, flowing across my skin, examining every curve and flaw. I let her. Why not, when there is nothing I could do to stop her but leave? Her expression is mercurial as it roves, bleeding from one emotion to the next, finally settling on something I can't quite read. My mouth opens to let out something saucy, only to snap shut again when she answers my question from before. A daughter. A daughter with a father who cared about her, it seemed.
The pink rimmed ears tipped backward into my mane. I found myself admitting aloud what I had barely been able to think to myself. "I'm here to get away from my daughter." A toneless laugh accompanied the statement. "Three fine strong boys, and when I finally get my girl? She's a weakling, sickly from the day she was born, and the only good thing her father did for me was die. Just not quite quick enough to prevent his parting gift." The words come brittle and harsh on my normally pretty voice.
I have never been a particularly good mother, but this child had tested my maternal instinct beyond measure. I stood by her, and had lost everything else in return. Shrugging, I lifted my head in challenge, daring her to criticize me. "Maybe she'll be dead when I get back. Probably not, but a girl can hope."
I hated myself, just a little, for letting those words into the air. Not enough to regret them. What I wouldn't have given for things to be any kind of different. I'd carried a picture in my head of a little girl, fierce and strong winged, a dragoness to keep up with her fiery brothers. I felt cheated of the girl she could have been. Of the life I felt I should have had. Sochi's life, perhaps. How could a mare like her have anything short of a fearsome daughter? Any man of hers would not think of leaving her.
My eyes shut tight as I forced the roiling emotions back down my throat. This was exactly why I was here, to escape the anger that had been my day and night companion. Instead I found it still there, just under the surface. How had I thought I'd be fit company for anyone?
Eyes still shuttered, I let her query penetrate the fog of my mind. "Some deep forest, I imagine. Someplace still and dim, where you can wear the skin you're best suited to." The clear blue of my eyes shone back into the glittering night air, seeking out the soft grey of hers. I did not need to guess at her ability. I had lived long enough among shifters to see how they stretched and yearned for their other forms, how at times they seemed barely contained by their own skins. Sochi had the same air I had seen in my son, in Castile.
"Someplace to be yourself." I concluded, suddenly tired. This had been a bad idea.
@[Sochi]
The pink rimmed ears tipped backward into my mane. I found myself admitting aloud what I had barely been able to think to myself. "I'm here to get away from my daughter." A toneless laugh accompanied the statement. "Three fine strong boys, and when I finally get my girl? She's a weakling, sickly from the day she was born, and the only good thing her father did for me was die. Just not quite quick enough to prevent his parting gift." The words come brittle and harsh on my normally pretty voice.
I have never been a particularly good mother, but this child had tested my maternal instinct beyond measure. I stood by her, and had lost everything else in return. Shrugging, I lifted my head in challenge, daring her to criticize me. "Maybe she'll be dead when I get back. Probably not, but a girl can hope."
I hated myself, just a little, for letting those words into the air. Not enough to regret them. What I wouldn't have given for things to be any kind of different. I'd carried a picture in my head of a little girl, fierce and strong winged, a dragoness to keep up with her fiery brothers. I felt cheated of the girl she could have been. Of the life I felt I should have had. Sochi's life, perhaps. How could a mare like her have anything short of a fearsome daughter? Any man of hers would not think of leaving her.
My eyes shut tight as I forced the roiling emotions back down my throat. This was exactly why I was here, to escape the anger that had been my day and night companion. Instead I found it still there, just under the surface. How had I thought I'd be fit company for anyone?
Eyes still shuttered, I let her query penetrate the fog of my mind. "Some deep forest, I imagine. Someplace still and dim, where you can wear the skin you're best suited to." The clear blue of my eyes shone back into the glittering night air, seeking out the soft grey of hers. I did not need to guess at her ability. I had lived long enough among shifters to see how they stretched and yearned for their other forms, how at times they seemed barely contained by their own skins. Sochi had the same air I had seen in my son, in Castile.
"Someplace to be yourself." I concluded, suddenly tired. This had been a bad idea.
@[Sochi]