04-05-2017, 09:00 AM
(This post was last modified: 04-05-2017, 09:06 AM by Disastardly.)
God, he was angry. She could see it in his eyes. He’d always been so fucking hot when he was angry, when he was stirred up, when his blood ran hottest and his hard-won control slipped and he lost himself in the blood. And she’d reveled in it right alongside him, right beneath him, thrust back against him for all she was worth as he drove into her, and fucking gloried in the pain of those teeth tearing into her skin. The way he moaned when she bit him back, the way his blood trickled down her skin, mingling with hers as it flowed. His touch smearing it against the black and white of her body, it had all driven her fucking wild.
Before.
He didn’t wait for her to reach him, but came to meet her in her desperation, groaning and nipping her lip the way she loved so damn much and kissing her back, right there with her, ravenous after a month or more without her. Without so much as a word, god, how could she do that to him? And she should have been on fire, should have been out of her mind with need, what the fuck was wrong with her?
She couldn’t blame exhaustion. Couldn’t blame running on empty and going a couple of rounds with Dovev only hours before, because it had been days since she’d touched him. She’d made fucking sure of it. She hadn’t particularly hurt or ached or dissolved into a pool of tears over anything especially stupid today, thank fuck, and there was no goddamned reason she couldn’t drag her sweet little teddy bear into the dirt and wake the beast in him, the beast she’d helped put there in the first place, and fuck him ‘til they both collapsed.
So why the fucking hell was she messing it up again? Tears ran down her face, and she forced herself to meet those eyes she loved so much, brown flecked with a hint of their mother’s lavender. God, and she hated herself for the confusion and the anger she found there, and the hurt that lay deeper. Hurt she’d caused, hurt she’d put in her Zor’s gorgeous eyes.
A beautiful disaster, he’d called her. His beautiful disaster. Their mother had known it the first time she’d seen the tiny bundle of black and white and bloodshed lying at her feet, had named her a vicious, cruel, devouring disaster with a sick kind of pride in her voice. And named her well. Look what she’d done to her beautiful Zor. By the time he’d come along she’d long since learned the world was full of suffering. Life was pain, so she’d taught her sweet little teddy bear to love it bit by bit. Played such delicious, vicious games with him turning the hurt into something good, something he craved.
All in the name of love.
And when he’d gone and grown up on her and those games had taken on a whole new meaning, when she’d found him with Dovev and learned the agony and the ecstasy their bodies could reach, she had reveled in what she’d made of him. For months, for a year, she’d coaxed and provoked and driven him higher and higher, never thinking of anything beyond the rush, the need, the high of touching him. Of setting them both on fire and letting their bodies burn for each other.
And then they’d played with Dov again. So good, so fucking good, they were explosive. Their own glorious disaster, and somehow she’d forgotten just how disastrous it could be. One little word had changed the whole fucking world long before she’d spoken it.
Pregnant.
And then Dov had gone and fucked everything up showing her how it could be without the pain. Devastating and amazing, he’d changed something in her; she’d stripped away her defenses and left herself naked before him, and in that moment the whole world was new. Life wasn’t pain, life was him, the tenderness of his touch, the soft, slow kisses, the quiet intensity and the terrifying, beautiful something that had come to life while he held her, while he loved her.
And where the fuck did she go from there? She’d gotten it all so wrong, had from the start, and god, what if she got it just as bad with her kid? Fuck. Zor was trembling with the force of barely contained emotions, and Diz was right there with him, even if the ones she was struggling with were very different. “What’s going on, Diz.” His voice was just shy of a growl, rough with hurt and frustration and dammit, she usually loved it when he was growling but this was different.
“I don’t know. I don’t know, I don’t know, it’s all messed up, Zor. I messed everything up. I got it wrong from the start, I’ve always gotten it so fucking wrong and I don’t know how to fix it. How not to fuck it up for this kid when all I’ve ever done was fuck up. I’ve been hurting you your whole life, pain all tangled up in love ‘til it hurt so good, and I don’t know how not to do that all over again.”
She pulled away, curling in on herself, unable to meet those beautiful eyes a moment longer. Her voice dropped to barely above a whisper, losing the frantic edge as heartache slowed her words and weighed them down. “I should’ve been better. I should’ve done it all better, Zor, and I don’t know how. I’m getting everything all wrong and I can’t breathe when I think of it. How I treated you, how I’m still treating you. I’m hurting you with every single choice I make, everything I do, everything I don’t do. I love you so fucking much and all I ever do is hurt you. I tried to make sense of it, and all I did was leave you waiting for answers I can’t find.”
Her shoulders slumped, head drooping, and she forced herself to look up into his eyes again. “How do I fix it, Zor? How do I make it right, how the hell do I make sure not to get it wrong all over again? Tell me. Please,” she begged, her eyes brimming over with tears once again.
Before.
He didn’t wait for her to reach him, but came to meet her in her desperation, groaning and nipping her lip the way she loved so damn much and kissing her back, right there with her, ravenous after a month or more without her. Without so much as a word, god, how could she do that to him? And she should have been on fire, should have been out of her mind with need, what the fuck was wrong with her?
She couldn’t blame exhaustion. Couldn’t blame running on empty and going a couple of rounds with Dovev only hours before, because it had been days since she’d touched him. She’d made fucking sure of it. She hadn’t particularly hurt or ached or dissolved into a pool of tears over anything especially stupid today, thank fuck, and there was no goddamned reason she couldn’t drag her sweet little teddy bear into the dirt and wake the beast in him, the beast she’d helped put there in the first place, and fuck him ‘til they both collapsed.
So why the fucking hell was she messing it up again? Tears ran down her face, and she forced herself to meet those eyes she loved so much, brown flecked with a hint of their mother’s lavender. God, and she hated herself for the confusion and the anger she found there, and the hurt that lay deeper. Hurt she’d caused, hurt she’d put in her Zor’s gorgeous eyes.
A beautiful disaster, he’d called her. His beautiful disaster. Their mother had known it the first time she’d seen the tiny bundle of black and white and bloodshed lying at her feet, had named her a vicious, cruel, devouring disaster with a sick kind of pride in her voice. And named her well. Look what she’d done to her beautiful Zor. By the time he’d come along she’d long since learned the world was full of suffering. Life was pain, so she’d taught her sweet little teddy bear to love it bit by bit. Played such delicious, vicious games with him turning the hurt into something good, something he craved.
All in the name of love.
And when he’d gone and grown up on her and those games had taken on a whole new meaning, when she’d found him with Dovev and learned the agony and the ecstasy their bodies could reach, she had reveled in what she’d made of him. For months, for a year, she’d coaxed and provoked and driven him higher and higher, never thinking of anything beyond the rush, the need, the high of touching him. Of setting them both on fire and letting their bodies burn for each other.
And then they’d played with Dov again. So good, so fucking good, they were explosive. Their own glorious disaster, and somehow she’d forgotten just how disastrous it could be. One little word had changed the whole fucking world long before she’d spoken it.
Pregnant.
And then Dov had gone and fucked everything up showing her how it could be without the pain. Devastating and amazing, he’d changed something in her; she’d stripped away her defenses and left herself naked before him, and in that moment the whole world was new. Life wasn’t pain, life was him, the tenderness of his touch, the soft, slow kisses, the quiet intensity and the terrifying, beautiful something that had come to life while he held her, while he loved her.
And where the fuck did she go from there? She’d gotten it all so wrong, had from the start, and god, what if she got it just as bad with her kid? Fuck. Zor was trembling with the force of barely contained emotions, and Diz was right there with him, even if the ones she was struggling with were very different. “What’s going on, Diz.” His voice was just shy of a growl, rough with hurt and frustration and dammit, she usually loved it when he was growling but this was different.
“I don’t know. I don’t know, I don’t know, it’s all messed up, Zor. I messed everything up. I got it wrong from the start, I’ve always gotten it so fucking wrong and I don’t know how to fix it. How not to fuck it up for this kid when all I’ve ever done was fuck up. I’ve been hurting you your whole life, pain all tangled up in love ‘til it hurt so good, and I don’t know how not to do that all over again.”
She pulled away, curling in on herself, unable to meet those beautiful eyes a moment longer. Her voice dropped to barely above a whisper, losing the frantic edge as heartache slowed her words and weighed them down. “I should’ve been better. I should’ve done it all better, Zor, and I don’t know how. I’m getting everything all wrong and I can’t breathe when I think of it. How I treated you, how I’m still treating you. I’m hurting you with every single choice I make, everything I do, everything I don’t do. I love you so fucking much and all I ever do is hurt you. I tried to make sense of it, and all I did was leave you waiting for answers I can’t find.”
Her shoulders slumped, head drooping, and she forced herself to look up into his eyes again. “How do I fix it, Zor? How do I make it right, how the hell do I make sure not to get it wrong all over again? Tell me. Please,” she begged, her eyes brimming over with tears once again.