08-08-2016, 12:15 AM
Argo pulled away, putting distance between their bodies, turning away from his touch for the first time in their lives. And there was distance in those dark eyes, distance that tore at the jagged pieces of Neverwas’s heart, that caused fissures and cracks to appear in the shards he tried so hard to pretend were whole, unbroken. Argo was so polite as he tore those jagged shards out through Neverwas’s ribcage, so calm as he left him bleeding out onto the ground.
I’m leaving.
One little moment of hope, crushed beneath the relentless tread of two words. He’s not yours. He never was. If he were yours, he would have fought for you. Would have said something, anything at all but goodbye. Dark eyes close against the sharp flood of sorrow, knives flowing through his veins, cutting him open, leaving him bleeding, how could he not be bleeding? But Neverwas had plenty of practice painting smiles on his face, making them look almost real. Though perhaps less practice than he thought, if Argo could see through him so easily.
Better not to look him in the eye, then. Argo didn’t need to see him breaking, didn’t need to see the dark devouring him from the inside. Swallowing him down one bite at a time until there was nothing left. “I will miss you, brother.” He even managed not to choke on the words, not to drown them in hurt, because the hurt wasn’t Argo’s burden to bear. He’d sooner die than burden his belov--his brother with the depths of his pain.
Maybe it was better this way. I could never have been good enough for you anyhow. Better to watch Argo walk away, dying inside with every step and freeing him from the weight of a love drowned in darkness and depression. I’d only ruin you. And he would climb back up that goddamned mountain and throw himself off the edge before ruining the boy who had been his shining light from his first ragged breath.
“I hope you find what you’re looking for, Argo.”
He doesn’t beg him to stay, because he doesn’t deserve to. He doesn’t say the million things he’s left unsaid all this time, because it would be selfish and cruel to make Argo say the words written all over his face. It is only at the last moment when his resolve falters, and he stares into dark eyes he’s loved from the moment their gazes first met. His voice is thick with unshed tears, breaking on the words, “I love you too.”
I’m leaving.
One little moment of hope, crushed beneath the relentless tread of two words. He’s not yours. He never was. If he were yours, he would have fought for you. Would have said something, anything at all but goodbye. Dark eyes close against the sharp flood of sorrow, knives flowing through his veins, cutting him open, leaving him bleeding, how could he not be bleeding? But Neverwas had plenty of practice painting smiles on his face, making them look almost real. Though perhaps less practice than he thought, if Argo could see through him so easily.
Better not to look him in the eye, then. Argo didn’t need to see him breaking, didn’t need to see the dark devouring him from the inside. Swallowing him down one bite at a time until there was nothing left. “I will miss you, brother.” He even managed not to choke on the words, not to drown them in hurt, because the hurt wasn’t Argo’s burden to bear. He’d sooner die than burden his belov--his brother with the depths of his pain.
Maybe it was better this way. I could never have been good enough for you anyhow. Better to watch Argo walk away, dying inside with every step and freeing him from the weight of a love drowned in darkness and depression. I’d only ruin you. And he would climb back up that goddamned mountain and throw himself off the edge before ruining the boy who had been his shining light from his first ragged breath.
“I hope you find what you’re looking for, Argo.”
He doesn’t beg him to stay, because he doesn’t deserve to. He doesn’t say the million things he’s left unsaid all this time, because it would be selfish and cruel to make Argo say the words written all over his face. It is only at the last moment when his resolve falters, and he stares into dark eyes he’s loved from the moment their gazes first met. His voice is thick with unshed tears, breaking on the words, “I love you too.”