05-23-2016, 09:00 PM
Fuck. I swore I would never be that woman, the one who lives for her family and nothing else, who spends every single minute thinking about her sexy-ass man and her unbearably adorable kid and would happily do nothing but be near them. Exploring, watching the light in her kid's eyes as he learns all about the world from his amazing dad. Tromping around the woods together, climbing mountains and learning to swim in quiet little ponds, visiting favorite childhood haunts—well, except the ones in the jungle. I've stayed far away from there.
Our boy doesn't need to grow up thinking he's nothing unless he's serving some woman. That kid is so much more than a damn servant, and there is no place for him in a kingdom that would tell him otherwise. Not even for a visit. Besides, there are too many ghosts there, too many memories of people I never intend to see again. Feelings I'm fucking done with. Pain I have no need to relive. No, there's nothing for us there.
And no one.
I have been so happy just wandering the world with Pazuzu, showing Tycho everything I once loved and watching Zuzu teach him things I've never even dreamed of, never even thought to wonder about. The little demon must have gotten his voracious appetite for knowledge from his father, because I never cared about how things work before, or how they're put together, or what they look like on the inside. Not until I saw the way those lessons light them up, the way both of them come alive the moment one starts. Whether it's what a bug's guts look like, or how fire works, or what makes up the stars. I fucking live for those moments, no matter what I always told myself.
Well. Not just for those moments. Even more than that, I live for the touch of Pazuzu's skin, the taste of him as I press my lips against him, the heat of him next to me. I live for the storm that still rages between us with just a look, or the teasing trailing of teeth against skin. Even after months I still want to never stop touching him. He was right, we're like a drug, and all I want is more.
Even now, standing next to him and watching our son investigate the same meadow where he'd started his life. He always managed to find something new, even somewhere he'd been so often. I have no idea what's caught his interest today and frankly with Zuzu's lips on my neck I don't care, as long as he is safe. Which he is. I'm much more interested in those sexy little bites, the way Zuzu's teeth graze my skin, the softness of his lips against me.
Ah, but then his eyes are on our son and it's my turn to taste the salt of his skin, trail gentle little bites along his neck and chase them with my lips. “I have no idea, love. Smart as hell, but that one's a given.” Has been from the start, those dark, almost black eyes seeing everything, filing it away in that clever mind of his only to pull it back out in the most unexpected ways.
It was a good month before he spoke at all. He just absorbed everything we taught him, and the depth of understanding in his eyes was enough somehow. Mute or not, he knew more than most other residents of this land cared to or dreamed of, and our Tycho was perfectly capable of expressing himself without words. Then one day in the middle of a complicated lesson that went over my head even though I'd been learning alongside our little demon for a month, he stopped, tilted his head in that curious little way of his, and drew a series of comparisons between the day's subject and the previous lesson that left my head spinning. Smart as hell is a bit of an understatement.
“I don't know. It's so hard to tell until it happens, really. We don't know what life will bring for him, how it will shape him, how he will grow in response to whatever is to come. I do think it could be time to encourage some social interaction though. He's a brilliant little hermit, but he doesn't have much of a social drive, and while I'm hardly one to talk, it might be good for him to meet and interact with others of his species.” I am hardly one to talk. I spent most of my time alone as a kid, or with family. And now that I'm not hooking up with random strangers I meet in the common lands, I have very little drive to interact with them either. But it's an area where he has little experience, and it might be good for him to at least give it a shot.
"What do you think he'll be like?"
Our boy doesn't need to grow up thinking he's nothing unless he's serving some woman. That kid is so much more than a damn servant, and there is no place for him in a kingdom that would tell him otherwise. Not even for a visit. Besides, there are too many ghosts there, too many memories of people I never intend to see again. Feelings I'm fucking done with. Pain I have no need to relive. No, there's nothing for us there.
And no one.
I have been so happy just wandering the world with Pazuzu, showing Tycho everything I once loved and watching Zuzu teach him things I've never even dreamed of, never even thought to wonder about. The little demon must have gotten his voracious appetite for knowledge from his father, because I never cared about how things work before, or how they're put together, or what they look like on the inside. Not until I saw the way those lessons light them up, the way both of them come alive the moment one starts. Whether it's what a bug's guts look like, or how fire works, or what makes up the stars. I fucking live for those moments, no matter what I always told myself.
Well. Not just for those moments. Even more than that, I live for the touch of Pazuzu's skin, the taste of him as I press my lips against him, the heat of him next to me. I live for the storm that still rages between us with just a look, or the teasing trailing of teeth against skin. Even after months I still want to never stop touching him. He was right, we're like a drug, and all I want is more.
Even now, standing next to him and watching our son investigate the same meadow where he'd started his life. He always managed to find something new, even somewhere he'd been so often. I have no idea what's caught his interest today and frankly with Zuzu's lips on my neck I don't care, as long as he is safe. Which he is. I'm much more interested in those sexy little bites, the way Zuzu's teeth graze my skin, the softness of his lips against me.
Ah, but then his eyes are on our son and it's my turn to taste the salt of his skin, trail gentle little bites along his neck and chase them with my lips. “I have no idea, love. Smart as hell, but that one's a given.” Has been from the start, those dark, almost black eyes seeing everything, filing it away in that clever mind of his only to pull it back out in the most unexpected ways.
It was a good month before he spoke at all. He just absorbed everything we taught him, and the depth of understanding in his eyes was enough somehow. Mute or not, he knew more than most other residents of this land cared to or dreamed of, and our Tycho was perfectly capable of expressing himself without words. Then one day in the middle of a complicated lesson that went over my head even though I'd been learning alongside our little demon for a month, he stopped, tilted his head in that curious little way of his, and drew a series of comparisons between the day's subject and the previous lesson that left my head spinning. Smart as hell is a bit of an understatement.
“I don't know. It's so hard to tell until it happens, really. We don't know what life will bring for him, how it will shape him, how he will grow in response to whatever is to come. I do think it could be time to encourage some social interaction though. He's a brilliant little hermit, but he doesn't have much of a social drive, and while I'm hardly one to talk, it might be good for him to meet and interact with others of his species.” I am hardly one to talk. I spent most of my time alone as a kid, or with family. And now that I'm not hooking up with random strangers I meet in the common lands, I have very little drive to interact with them either. But it's an area where he has little experience, and it might be good for him to at least give it a shot.
"What do you think he'll be like?"
Daeryssa
of the restless heart