[private] even the sun was afraid of you

[Mazikeen]

As it had with Selaphiel, hearing her nickname again feels like a blow. Her ears flatten for a moment as her eyes harden at the sound of the familiarity and the way he takes a step closer. As if they are friends, as if they had ever been friends. She’d wanted that once, remembers admitting she’d die to save him if the situation ever came up. Now these memories race through her mind and cause a few glowing cracks to appear down her spine as a thick sense of discomfort settles in. This disconnect from her past self, from the memories that are so vivid, is quickly becoming annoying. She wishes she could purge herself from the knowledge that she had cared for the golden stallion standing before her enough that his actions hurt her more than once. Mazikeen does not know if Firion means what happened to make her like that - or what happened on those two deaths. But one of those is easier to answer than the other, so in the same blunt manner she continues talking - her orange gaze never wavering from his golden face. “I hid my children from their father and he wasn’t pleased when he found out.” Red blooms across the scarred skin around her eyes and chest, indicating the method. All while her gaze remains steady on him, curious to see if it will be the indifference she expects. “And then later that same year, when he had removed everything that made me who I was - he found himself bored.” The red disappears only to spread across her belly where Gale had torn her open that time. That time she had felt it, felt every moment until she finally died, but she had not cared - she was lifeless before she had even died. The memory of that hollowness seeps into her now, making her uncomfortable - a frown deepens on her face as the colour fades away again until the scars are as white as the healthy skin that surrounds them. Something else is troubling her, hearing these stories again even though she lived them. Before Gale, Mazikeen had worn her scars with pride - they were signs of battles she had won. But now she is a tapestry of her failures, even though she had survived all these deaths, they had still happened. Like the flicking of a switch, Mazikeen decides she wants any epiphanies tonight so she remarks instead in a voice devoid of any of her usual fire. “I think this is the first time I’ve seen you in the dark.” m a z i k e e n .

 

@firion