05-03-2021, 03:50 PM
Ryatah
— there's something tragic about you, something so magic about you, don't you agree?
She can tell that she has failed him, even if neither of them had realized it when it was happening. The divide between them had always been there, a careful construct meant to keep the line from being blurred into romance; to make sure that any real emotion did not stand a chance of getting by. He had always been better at never crossing it—had been the most adamant of anyone she had ever been with that there was no hope of them ever being anything that would last, always cutting her off and showing as little interest as possible.
It didn’t matter how often they returned to each other, or how their flirtatious banter led them to the same place every time.
It didn’t matter that he had managed to lure her away from the first real love she had ever known, that she tore it apart to its core and didn’t even look back at the wreckage just for the sake of the thrill of being with him.
But she had overstepped their imaginary boundary the day Noel was born in Nerine, asking for things she had no business asking for. She had sent them into this tumultuous gray area they couldn’t seem to escape by trying to force them to look at the guards they both had kept up, the guards they had been pretending didn’t exist. And it would be so easy to blame him for it all, to say that all he had to have done was stay that day, that without the barrier between them everything would have fallen into place.
The truth of his words is another bright pain inside of her chest, though, and while she could cut herself on the edge in his eyes she does not look away, letting the realization of all her flaws and mistakes settle over her. “I never could have been what you wanted me to be,” because she is nothing but blind obedience, imprisoned by her past and unable to shake loose all the things so deeply embedded into her bones and her soul. There is a reason she has always attracted a certain type—Dhumin and Trashlip, Carnage and Atrox, and all the shades of darkness that fell in between them. They tell her what they want her to be, sometimes directly, other times in ways that are far more cryptic, but she is never left wondering.
She doesn’t know how to be anything other than that same painfully compliant girl that the dark king from the Dimension had shaped her into all those years ago, and for the first time she is faced with the realization that no matter how many times she broke herself down, she could never rebuild herself into what Ashhal would have needed her to be.
“You’re wrong on that last part, though,” she says with a sad, small smile, still trying to find him through all the darkness and space that keeps building between them. “There will always be a part of you worth saving. And even when you shut me out I will always be foolish enough to keep trying.”
It didn’t matter how often they returned to each other, or how their flirtatious banter led them to the same place every time.
It didn’t matter that he had managed to lure her away from the first real love she had ever known, that she tore it apart to its core and didn’t even look back at the wreckage just for the sake of the thrill of being with him.
But she had overstepped their imaginary boundary the day Noel was born in Nerine, asking for things she had no business asking for. She had sent them into this tumultuous gray area they couldn’t seem to escape by trying to force them to look at the guards they both had kept up, the guards they had been pretending didn’t exist. And it would be so easy to blame him for it all, to say that all he had to have done was stay that day, that without the barrier between them everything would have fallen into place.
The truth of his words is another bright pain inside of her chest, though, and while she could cut herself on the edge in his eyes she does not look away, letting the realization of all her flaws and mistakes settle over her. “I never could have been what you wanted me to be,” because she is nothing but blind obedience, imprisoned by her past and unable to shake loose all the things so deeply embedded into her bones and her soul. There is a reason she has always attracted a certain type—Dhumin and Trashlip, Carnage and Atrox, and all the shades of darkness that fell in between them. They tell her what they want her to be, sometimes directly, other times in ways that are far more cryptic, but she is never left wondering.
She doesn’t know how to be anything other than that same painfully compliant girl that the dark king from the Dimension had shaped her into all those years ago, and for the first time she is faced with the realization that no matter how many times she broke herself down, she could never rebuild herself into what Ashhal would have needed her to be.
“You’re wrong on that last part, though,” she says with a sad, small smile, still trying to find him through all the darkness and space that keeps building between them. “There will always be a part of you worth saving. And even when you shut me out I will always be foolish enough to keep trying.”
there's something wretched about this, something so precious about this, oh what a sin —