When Gale meets her gaze, surprise quenches the fire there enough to reveal a hint of the pain Mazikeen is very much focused on Not Feeling. And then that too is overshadowed by confusion as he speaks, a faint scowl appearing as she tries to understand what he’s saying. Had he cared, then? Did he still? Did it matter? She thinks instead about another part of what he says, unwilling to give any attention to that foolish hope in her chest.
“Easier.” She repeats the word under her breath, talking more to herself as she shakes her head in incredulity. “Making me live through one of my worst fears…” But she cuts off this quiet thought and closes her eyes, focusing on shutting it out entirely as though that will erase the words from being spoken. That is too big of a piece of herself to just give away so casually and she knows it’s not fair to hold him accountable for it. He couldn’t have known how deep his rejection would cut that day, how it had echoed some of her worst thoughts about herself and made them true.
Mazikeen inhales deeply and forces those thoughts away - off to join everything else she refuses to deal with, like what scents she breathes in when she inhales, and what exactly will happen when these emotions bubble to the surface anyway. When her eyes open again, when they settle on Gale, they are no less determined than before though the fire in them has lost some of its intensity. “Well, I won’t just stay away and be left to wonder. Not when there’s even the slightest chance of me stopping you from hurting someone else. I might not know exactly what I've gotten into but I do know it does not matter what happens to me if it means protecting others.” This is a fact she believes with her whole being and it shows when she speaks of it. Whether it is a stranger or someone she loves, Mazikeen knows she’d do anything to protect - to save - them. Her new scars are a testament to that - and to the fact that she is far better at attacking than she is at defending herself.
Her still-soaked tail makes a smacking noise when she flicks it. Some of the strands collide with those new scars and she thinks with certainty there is nothing worse she could face with him than what she has already survived.
She should ask for details, ask what it is exactly Gale had come to understand, but instead she continues in that same sure voice as if she could pass on some of her certainty to him. “Mistake or not, whatever it is your future holds, I won’t be taking back my promise.”
@[Gale]