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    Jamie -- Year 213


    “"I don’t know how to do this,” she says. What she actually means is I’m sorry, but she doesn’t know how to apologize either." --Titanya, written by Mirage

    [private]  that day even the sun was afraid of you; sam pony

    that day even the sun was afraid of you and the weight you carried

    The evening comes upon him like a sigh.

    Like an exhale, and he feels like he can finally release the breath that he had been holding all day. It floods from him like a dammed river and the tension that had built between his shoulders, the sharp pain that had begun to brew behind his eyes dulls slightly. He feels each individual muscle untie as the afternoon bleeds into twilight which then bleeds into true night. His magic unlocks in his chest, stretching until its true form, yawning open to its full potential, and he practically purrs with pleasure as it does.

    Shaking his head, black scales rippling across the golden form of him before sinking beneath the surface, he turns his head upward toward the moon. His lips peel back into a wolfish smile, revealing the sharpened teeth behind the velvet mouth, and he closes his eyes for a second—feeling the silvery light wash over him, his own golden glow radiating in response. A creature of the night, he thinks, laughing at the irony that he is now the most alive during the hours when he had always been the closest to death.

    How cruel.

    How fitting.

    Not willing to stare too long into his own truths tonight, he turns away from the forest that he usually haunts and instead makes his way toward the river. He has come to appreciate the crashing water against the bank—the way that it writhes in places and then smooths out like hammered silver. There’s an honesty to it that he can understand, and he rolls his shoulders as he casts his attention toward the shadow that trails faithfully behind him. Come on then, he thinks toward it, watching as it jerks its shapeless head in response, unused to being addressed fully. Rolling his eyes, Firion continues onward, trusting it would follow him as it does, and instead turns his attention toward the riverbank that winds before him.

    so you saluted every ghost you've ever prayed to and then buried it where bones are buried

    savage now you have to write to me
    It had happened so suddenly.
    All of it all at once.

    The sun had returned and with it had come fire.
    A halo of fire hovering just above her brow, fine strands of flame spiraling through her hair, an aura of fireflies curling sweetly around her head.

    Baptism by fire. She had been alone and then, quite simply, she was not alone. 
    How could she be alone when the flames spoke? They could not tell her where her mother had gone, but they spoke all the same. And being alone was not the same with the sun hanging fat overhead where it was meant to be anyway.

    There is even some comfort to be found in the moon and the stars after so much impenetrable darkness. The darkness which had taken so much from her. Not just her mother but the horns she had inherited from her father, too. But it had given her things, too. It had given her fire, the flames singing in her hair. (It had been the sun, though, that had given her the ring of fire hanging heavy just above her brow.)

    She wonders about the woman trapped in the rain, if she had found her way back to her aloneness. Overhead, the stars watch as she makes her way toward the river where she had met a boy once with shells in his hair. How young she had been then. 

    They cast their own light, the both of them. It is this that draws her to him.
    Isn’t it wonderful?” she asks him, smiling tenderly, bell-soft. “The moon,” she clarifies, tipping back her head to peer up at it. The fire follows and, as she raises her gaze skyward, a flurry of fireflies ascends in a tight spiral, as if intent on drawing the moon down out of the sky for her. 

    I didn’t realize how much I’d missed it until it came back.

    and if i go, i’m goin’ shameless
    I’ll let my hunger take me there


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